You Know I Only Wanted To Live In Peace
by DokuHimeKami
Summary: "So let me get this straight. You guys were captured and were "Executed" and are now hiding from Konoha ninja in my house?" Tifa asked. "Yeah that's about it...get me another beer bitch," Hidan shouted waving an empty beer bottle. Her eye twitched
1. Chapter 1

"So let me get this straight. You guys were captured and were "Executed" and are now hiding from Konoha ninja in my house?" Tifa asked.

"Yeah that's about it...get me another beer bitch," Hidan shouted waving an empty beer bottle. Her eye twitched


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the the characters in the anime/manga. If I did the Alatsuki would never die and achieve world domination and the mask man (aka the Madara imposter) would die leaving Tobi to control the body.

A/n: Mask man or Madara... whatever you want to call him doesn't exist only Tobi. Why? Cause Tobi's a good boy! XD I also consider Tobi and Madara two different people in the same body.

"Woop Woop! Finally livin on my own!" a girl with waist long cotton candy purple hair cheered doing a little dance in a new house. "Celebrate~'" she sang and danced. She felt her mind shatter. She clutched her head and curled up in a ball on the floor. As fast as it came it disappeared. "Ugh my head," she sat up.

'Where are we,un?!"

'Wait did I just imagine I heard Deidara in my head?'

'Tobi you dumb shit! You screwed up!' Hidan hollered.

'This couldn't be happening.'

'Tobi is a good boy!' Tobi's voice screamed in her head.

'Shut the Hell up!' Kakuzu shouted.

'Where are we anyway?' Sasori asked boredly.

'Oh no I got over Naruto a few years back and now I hear them in my head?!'

"Get out of my head!" she shouted. There was a poof an smoke all around her. She coughed.

"Now where are we?" Kisame grunted. The smoke cleared and she stared wide eyed at the group of people.

"I must be dreaming...wait if I'm dreaming I never say that," she mumbled and pinched myself," Maybe I finally lost it?"

"Who are you?" Itachi glared down at me.

"Since you are a fragment of my now insane mind I don't have to answer you," she rolled my eyes. 'Great I acknowledged them. There goes all hope of me getting rid of them.'

Next thing she knew she was pinned against the wall with Zetsu choking her.

'Okay this can't be a mirage. If it was it shouldn't hurt!'

"Why couldn't Fairy Tail wizards appear instead of you?" she choked out.

'Oh I forgot I was being choked.'

Zetsu gave her a quizzical look and loosen his grip on her neck just a little.

"Wait no that would be a stupid idea," she said imagining Natsu destroying her house scratch that McMansion.

*[McMansions: five bedrooms that all have a walk-in closet, a expansive foyer, a vaulted ceilings, tiled floors, balconies. huge kitchen- with large island in middle of room. Outside-an automatic watering system and a swimming pool. Garage- has room for four cars.]

'Okay my parents are rich and so is my granny.'

Seeing how weird she was they all took a step back from her.

"Hey what was that for?" She asked feeling slightly insulted.

"You're talking to yourself," Konan pointed out. Tifa walked over to Deidara and twisted his arm so she could see the palm of his hand. Hand mouths greeted her with tongues sticking out.

"This cannot be happening," she let him go and backed away. The doorbell rang and they all pulled out their weapons. "Wait!" she shouted. Pein gave her a questioning look. She walked over to the door and opened it.

"One meat lovers and one veggie pizza and Fairy tale drawn on both the boxes?" the pizza guy asked.

"Yeah what do I you- hey! That not the Fairy Tail symbol!" she shouted. He rolled his eyes. She threw the money in his face, grab the pizzas, and slammed the door in his face. She looked to see the Akatsuki eyeing the pizza boxes.

"Each of you get ONE pizza from each box-" Someone snatched the boxes out of her hands and they started to devour the poor pizza.

"What is this stuff?! It's awesome!"

"Pizza." She deadpanned.

Pein looked at her. "I decided we won't kill you and in return you will let us stay in your home," Pein said and went back to eating.

'Geez I feel so SAFE that my life was spared thanks to pizza.'

"I'm still...HUNGRY!" Zetsu wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and licked his lips. He did all that while looking at her. He walked over to her and grabbed her arm. He looked at it hungrily.

"Pein! I can't help you if I'm dead!" She shouted and tired pulling my arm free from his freakin tight grip.

"Zetsu!" Zetsu growled but otherwise let go.

"Just a bite?" Pein ponder over this for a moment. Her eyes widen.

'Was he actually considering it?!'

"I need all of me," she said quickly.

*sigh* "No Zetsu," Pein said firmly.

Zetsu disappeared into the floor but not before whispering," I will eat you snack." She slumped to the floor. These guys were already too much of a handful.

"Pretty-chan! Is your hair always purple like cotton candy?" Tobi asked squatting down to my level. Tobi's left eye was covered by a eyepatch and was the most adorable kid ever!

"It's natural Tobi," she smiled and petted his head. He hugged her.

"Mommy!"

"Wha?" she asked shocked. "I too young to be a mom!" She pushed him away.

"You won't be my mommy?" Tobi sniffed.

"Well I'm too young to have a kid your age-" Tears were forming in his eyes and he became a chibi.

'Oh no.' Tifa looked at the rest of the group for help.

"Please?" his bottom lip tremble and tears were running down his face. She stood up and backed away from him.

'No don't fall for it. No I can't go along with this craziness!'

"Okay," she said weakly.

'I failed. Tobi has won.'

"Mommy!" he hugged her leg.

'Oh dear kami help me.'

{Wow this is disturbingly weird.}

"You wrote it," Itachi looked up at the ceiling.

"Itachi who are you talking too?" Kisame asked.

"..."

{Dude I think you just broke the fourth wall...readers Itachi will answer any questions you have so comment}

"Don't drag me into this," Itachi glared.

"Um Itachi?" Kisame looked at him with concern.

{I think you should go to the kitchen and talk or they will think you're crazy}

"Hn," he said but went anyway.

{That's not a word.}

"Hn."

{I'm warning you.}

"What do you want?"

{Good! Anyway my name is DokuHimeKami. Call me Hime-sama or Doku-dono ^.^}

"What do you want?" Itachi repeated getting annoyed.

{I am god so don't rush me!}

"..."

{I thought so! Anyway you are now the official 4-wall breaker! Horray!}

"No."

{...dude why are you do mean?}

"You're the unintellectual author," he mumbled.

{Hey! You're mean! I can't wait until readers ask me to make you do embarrassing things!}

"How old are you exactly?"

{...18 in a few weeks...why?}

"Hn."

{...I'm kami here and I'm getting lectured. This is sooo not right}

He shrugged. "If you're done I'm leaving."

{Woah woah woah! Hold up buddy! Say it.}

"Really?" he raised an eyebrow.

{Yes.}

"Fine," he sighed. "Sent in comments/request to be talked/done in this...entertaining fourth wall sessions," he said.

{No need I be sarcastic!}

"Hn," he said then left.

{Anyway...did you know unicorns eat rainbows and shit out sprinkles? Heh heh heh. Bet you'll never look at a cupcake the same way again}

"Did your parents drop you when you were born?" he asked me.

"No but my younger brother did when he was suppose to give me a piggy-back ride...Hey! We got to get back to the story!}

"Are you realizing that now?"

{GO!}

"So let me get this straight. You guys were captured and were "Executed" and are now hiding from Konoha ninja in my house?" Tifa asked.

"Yeah that's about it...get me another beer bitch," Hidan shouted waving an empty beer bottle. Her eye twitched

"How the fuck did you even get that? I don't even own any alcohol!"

He just shrugged and flipped through the channels on her TV.

Her phone began to ring.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP!" Everyone became silent and looked at her. "Hi mom!" she smiled answering the phone. "You're coming to visit?" he smile disappeared. "When?" she forced a smile."Today? Now?!" her eyes widen as she looked at the Akatsuki and then the trashed living room. The doorbell rang. "Shit! Get back in my head or something!" she yelled at them. There was a poof and they disappeared.

'How did you do that mommy?'

'BITCHY ASS SLUT! I wasn't done with my beer!' (if you can't guess who this is I suggest you see a doctor)

"Hi mom what a surprise! You didn't have to come...really you didn't," Tifa mumbled the last part of the sentence under her breath.

"Of course I have to visit my favorite daughter every once in awhile!" she kissed both my cheeks.

'Your mom is very pretty,' Konan pointed out.

'Thank you.'

"Anyway mom why are you here? I heard you were making a movie and modeling for the new summer clothes in France," Tifa smiled as we sat on the couch.

"It's a mess in here," Tifa's mom looked around the room in surprise. Tifa angrily thought of the Akatsuki. "But that's a good thing! It means you're a healthy teen! I was worried it would have been bad to let you live on your own after what happened to..."

"Mom it's okay," Tifa placed a comforting hand on her mom's.

"You really are the best daughter I could ever ask for," she wiped away a tear.

"But why are you here?"

"Oh I almost forgot! I enrolled you into high school!"

"Mom! I been homeschool and have a two year degree in COLLAGE right now," Tifa shot to her feet.

"I just wanted you to experience a high school senior experience. After all you will be 18 in a few weeks," she looked sad.

"It's okay mom. I thought you forgot I already have a high school diploma."

"How can I forget about my own daughter? Anyway I'm off to Paris! Your father won't visit anytime soon cause of his work. kisses!" she waved goodbye at Tifa as she walked out. When the door closed Tifa crashed onto the couch an the Akatsuki once again in her living room.

"Hn," Itachi said.

"Bite me Uchiha," she flipped him off. That resulted in him sending her flying into the wall and getting knocked out.

"What happened?" Tifa sat up in a bed.

"Fascinating," Sasori said lookin mildly surprised/interested. "You should have died."

"Geez thanks. I feel so much better now. Note the sarcasm."

"I can't make you into a puppet because of Pein's orders. You look like a doll but I don't play with dolls so...you're my new toy," Sasori mumbled to himself.

"You people have twisted minds,"she sat up in the bed.

"S-rank criminals. What did you expect?" Sasori went back to looking bored. "I wonder if you would live if I enject you with my poison?"

"Yeah let's not kill me," she said and ran out of the room.

"She recovered enough to run," Sasori noted looking at the door.

Tifa was running down the hall and noticed it was too empty and quiet.

"BAM!" she ran right into someone and fell on her butt.

"Well well well look who it is."

Cliffy! MWHAHAHAHA! Review so I can update a new ch! And torture I mean ask Itachi to do fan service during our wall breaking sessions. ^.o


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Any of the Akatsuki

Tifa's eyes widen as she saw Kisame with an unwrapped Samehada in her house in her hallway.

"What do you think you're doing?!" she shouted.

"What does it look like? Ninja tag," he snorted.

"..."

"..."

"So let me get this straight. You an S-ranked hard core bad guy who is also a Akatsuki ninja is playing...tag."

"It's not that type of tag," he rolled his eyes but smiled.

"Oh really? Please enlighten me," she snorted.

"Sure just...duck," he grinned.

"Duck?"

She barely had time to hit the floor as Hidan came flying at Kisame with his scythe in hand.

"What the Heck! You're going to destroy my house!" she shouted from the floor with her hands over her head. Like the evil ninjas they were they ignored her and continue to clash their weapon.

"Your it!" Hidan panted after awhile.

"This is all your fault shorty," Kisame frowned at her.

"How the heck is it-" she bolted down the hall as Kisame started to chase her.

"Not fair! I'm not even a ninja!" she shouted.

"Too bad!" Kisame slammed his sword down on her. She crossed her arms above her head waiting for the blow. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and looked up. Kisame grinned down at her with Samehana centimeters away from her arms. "Didn't think I was really gonna hit ya. Did ya?" he gave her a toothy grin.

"Yes I did," she glared up at him.

"Don't worry squirt you're like a kid sister to me. I'm not the type to kill my own kid sister," he ruffled her hair and walked away. "Oh and you should check up on the rest of the Akatsuki," he called out over his shoulder.

"Fluck!" she shouted running down the hall. She burst into her room seeing that it was the closest.

"You know you don't have any fun clothes," Konan frowned rumbling through he undergarment drawer.

"Clothes are clothes," she shrugged," And what do you mean 'no fun clothes'?"

"You don't have anything "bad"," Konan said looking at her. Seeing the blank face she sighed and continued," You know thongs, lace-y stuff. You know naughty clothes."

"Why would I ever wear anything like that!" Tifa's face heat up.

"Aw you are so innocent!" she cooed then got an evil look in her eye," Time to chance that." Tifa fearing for her life an pure mind turned and high tailed it out of there. She came to a complete stop when she heard a noise in her practice/recording studio.

"Who the fuck is in here?!" she shouted slamming the door open and looked around.

"Geez chill I was only looking,un," Deidara rolled his eyes. Tifa shot him a look and walked around the room. He really didn't touch anything. "Aren't you freakin out too much,un?"

"Music is my life," she snapped at him. "Leave this room at once! No one and I mean no one is allowed in this room without permission."

"I'm hungry get me more pizza,un," Deidara said looking bored. She shook her head and left. Deidara followed her. "I'm serious get me more pizza. I'm hungry,un," He said behind her.

"Why are you following me?" she turned around impatiently.

"Buy. Me. Food... Un."

"Fine!" she picked up her phone and said,"Four boxes of pizza. Yes I'm going to eat it. Why would I buy that much if I wasn't?! Just get the pizza here!" she turned to Deidara. "Okay pizza should be here in 15 minutes so wait and do you know where everyone else is?"

"Kisame is in your pool-"

"He was just in the hallway!"

"Ninja. anyway Zetsu is in your backyard."

"Okay that's doesn't sound bad," Tifa nodded.

"Hidan's on your recliner in the living room watching tv and drinking beer-"

"How did he get there?! I didn't even see him walk by!"

"We're ninjas,un."

"Continue."

"Itachi's most likely in the library. Pretty stupid since he's nearly blind,un," Deidara snorted.

'Oh I forgot Itachi was gettin blind.'

"Tobi is in your basement. Pretty sick game room,un," he smiled at me.

"Thank you."

"Konan's in your room. Pein is in that empty dark room at the end of the hall and Kakuzu is probably raising any money he can find,un," Deidara walked off.

"Pein!" I shouted opening the master bedroom door.

"Did I say you can come in?" Pein glared at me.

"Just don mess up my dance studio practice room 'Kay?" she sighed tiredly. Pein simply nodded and she left. Kakuzu was in fact just sitting in her attic counting his money.

{Hello Ita-kun!}

"Leave me alone you useless fangirl author," Itachi mumbled flipping a page in a book he was reading.

{...}

"What? If you expect me to apologize you're wasting your time."

{...sniff...}

Itachi looked up at the ceiling and set his book down. "Are you crying?"

{No! I, I'm, My tear sac is broken okay?! Waaah!}

Outside rain started to pour causing Kisame to curse and run into the house.

"What's wrong?" he said boredly.

{I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY!}

"Hn," he said going back to his book. The rain outside continue to get worse and thunder and lightening could now be heard and seen. Itachi sighed before setting the book down once again. "Talk you crybaby author."

{No-No one is reviewing or sending me any request for our fourth wall breaking sessions}

"Is that all?"

{*sniff* yes}

"..."

{...}

"..."

{...}

"You're crying over that?"

{So?!}

*Sigh* Itachi turns to the readers. "Please send in some kind of request or message for me or Hime-Sama will cry again."

{You would do that for me?}

"Hn."

{Thatk you Ita-kun!}

Outside the storm disappeared in an instant causing everyone but Itachi to look out the window with a 'WTF' look.

"Don't call me that," he glared at the ceiling.

{Silence! I am the all powerful Goddess!...Meh God sounds better...GOD!}

"You have problems," he Mumbled into his hand.

Outside the room Tifa sloooowly walked by the door and hoped Itachi was okay since he was talking to himself. Too bad Itachi saw her and had her pressed against the wall with a kunai pressed against her neck. Tifa was frozen in shock and Itachi glared at her full of hate.

"Why do you people want to cause some harm one way or the other to me?" she slumped. Taken back by the change in behavior Itachi frowned.

"Why are you persistent about being around us then?"

"It may not look or act like it but I care about you guys," she rolled her eyes. He raised an eyebrow ever so slightly. "It must be hard going blind,"she touched his cheek.

{Cause let's face it. If she touched his eye be would be blind not comforted}

"You are strange,"Itachi let her go, went back into the library and close the door behind him. Tifa just stared puzzled at the door before getting up, dusting the dust off her butt and went to the living room.

"Make me a sandwich bitch!" Hidan shouted at her.

"I'm not you wife!" she shouted back.

"Well you are now so make me a sandwich!" Hidan hollered eyes stilled glued to the TV. Tifa's eye twitched and stated at the wall temptingly. Maybe she could bang her head against the wall and then she could die and her Grandma would welcome her with open arms in Heaven. The doorbell rang and she went to open it.

"Thanks," she took the pizza and handed the weird, fat, greasy, nerdy looking guy the money.

"Wow you sure are pretty," he said blushing.

"Thanks?"

"What's taking so long?! Who's at the door?!" Hidan shouted opening the door wider and Tifa could feel his body heat against her back.

"Hidan please put on a shirt," she mumbled. Hidan was currently shirtless and wearing faded jeans with a few holes in them.

"Don't tell me what to do. And you don't mess with my wife!" Hidan pulled Tifa back enough so the door won't slam in her face as he slammed it into the boy's face. "Finally! I'm starving!" Hidan took one slice of the pizza.

"Hey that was mine,un!" Deidara shouted grabbing a box.

"Squirt you're the best," Kisame smiled and ruffled her hair. "PIZZA'S HERE!" his voice thundered thought the McMansion. Thousands of footsteps could be heard and once again they all gorged themselves with pizza. Sighing Tifa took a seat next to Deidara seeing that he was the least likely to kill her and took a slice of pizza of her own.

'If you can't beat them...try to put up with them.'

"So where are we going to sleep mommy?"Tobi asked her after everyone was done eating.

"Hidan can stay here cause he obviously turned into those type of people.

"What the Hell are you implying you fucking bitch?!" Hidan growled.

"I'm sleeping outside,"Zetsu said then disappeared into the floor.

"Konan and myself are occupying the dance studio," Pein stated.

"Hn."

"The library?"Tifa looked at him unsure.

"Do you have a problem with my decision girl?" he looked at her. Daring her to speak against him. She rolled her eyes.

"I got the couch,"Kisame laying on the couch and knocking off everyone who was sitting on it.

"Ow," Tifa shot him a look but he ignored her. "Anyway it seems Kakuzu took over my attic..." Kakuzu grunted as he counted his money.

"Tobi can stay in the game room and so can Deidara-"

"Why do I have to share a room,un?!"

"Are you really-"

"Yes."

"...Fine I have an art studio-" he bolted up the stairs. A door opened then slammed shut.

"Ha ha! This is my room danna,un!" a wicked laugh came from the room. "Hey! Why is it do dusty,un?"

"Haven't used it in a year!"

"Sasori-"

"I will stay in the basement," he brushed her off and left.

"You guys are too much work,"Tifa mumbled. "Anyway I go school tomorrow so everyone sleep." groans and complains we're heard but the got up and got ready for bed.

DokuHimeKami here ya! It feels like things aren't really that funny yet and I promise the next ch will be. So can you all please review?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Any of the Akatsuki

Tifa's alarm clock was a certain bomber blowing something up and causing the whole house to shake. Outside was such a nice and sunny day.

"What the Heck is going in?!" she looked at her alarm clock which was not there! She ran to the bathroom in the hall only to slip on blood and land on her butt. "HIDAN!" she shouted quickly trying to wipe blood off of her to no luck.

"What?!" he shouted back.

"Why the heck is the bathroom covered in blood?!"

"Why the Hell else bitch?! And don't you have your own bathroom in your room?!" he shouted back. Oh yeah she did. She quickly ran back to her room and leaped into the shower. Once she was done washing off the blood she put on her favorite gothic Lolita out fit.

fashionista 2010/ 11/ japan-fashion-nowat-fit-a-review-and-a-confession/h-naoto-gothic-lolita/

Take out the spaces and put the

Tifa ran down to her fridge and threw the door open. Empty.

"You people raided my fridge!" she slam the door.

"So?" Kisame slipped some soup.

"I don't even have soup," she mumbled.

"Where's the food,un?" Deidara opened the fridge.

"Do you honestly think food will magically appear?"

"...yes,un..."

"You guys are hopeless," she put her hands on her face. She walked into the living room and all the Akatsuki were there. "Okay time for school." There was a poof and all the Alatsuki were gone.

"Hey!" a lot of them shouted in her head.

"Do you guys honestly thing I would leave you in my home alone for hours? Please you would have the place burned down in seconds," she rolled her eyes.

In front of the school Tifa shifted uncomfortably. She was never one for people so she took a deep breath and went inside. A lot of snickers and whispers were heard. She tuned them out of course and went to class where she stared out the window the whole time.

'Tobi want to hear what they're saying!'

"No I'm good," she said under her breath.

'Bitch you been staring at a window for Half an hour. A Window," Hidan stressed the window part.

"Got a problem with it? And who asked you to look anyway," Tifa mumbled.

'We can only hear, see, and feel what you do,' Sasori dead panned.

"Meaning?"

'Even I we want to listen or look at something else we can't,' Zetsu growled.

'I'm sorry if my life is so boring but I'm happy with it,' she thought.

'Hn,' Itachi replied.

'Wait you guys heard that?'

'Yeah. You were talking to us remember?' Konan sighed.

'But I was thinking...'

'I want to count my money,' Kakuzu mumbled.

'Oh god not only am I stuck with them annoying me in my head but they can also hear my thoughts?' she thought terrified.

'Hey! We aren't that bad,un,' Deidara said. The bell rang and she left the class really quick. Everywhere in the halls the people called her weird, freak, loser, and etc.

'How can you put up with all this?' Kisame growled and his anger building.

'I just ignore it,' Tifa thought as she began to walk up the steps. All of a sudden she was pushed into the wall.

"Hey freak what took you so long in joining the school?" the girl snickered.

"?"

"Don't play dumb! You're that Virgin Mary in the McMansion who doesn't leave her house. Not that I could blame you. If I was that ugly I would lock myself up in my house too. How can you wear these freaky clothes?" she yanked the sleeve. Tifa usually didn't let people bother her but it didn't she couldn't feel hurt sometimes.

"Fuck you bitch! Say freak one more damn time,un!" Tifa's hand shot out and grabbed the slut's throat. The girl's eyes widen. In confusion Tifa's hands let go and the slut scrambled away.

'What is going on?! Why does it look like I'm watching through a TV of the real world?!'

"Um Tifa? I think we switched places,un," Deidara looked down at Tifa's hands and saw his palm mouths smiling up at him.

'Go to the bathroom.' Deidara made his way onward the boys' bathroom. 'NOOOOO! THE GIRLS THE GIRLS!' Deidara winced.

'Fine,un!' he walked into the girls' bathroom. He looked in the mirror. Tifa still looked the same but her eyes were a sky blue instead of a hazel brown. Also now some of her hair was covering her left eye.

"So I get to move around now,un," Deidara said and a smile formed on his face.

'NOOOOOO!'

"Wait what happened? I'm back," Tifa looked down at her hands.

'Dang! I was hoping to blow something up,un," Deidara sighed.

"No."

'That's not fair! Deidara got to go out but we're stuck in here!' the rest chorused. Tifa bit her bottom lip. She didn't really like being unfair and she felt like crap being stuck in her own mind.

"Fine...but everyone only gets one class," Tifa said quickly and everyone cheered. "And,um, Deidara?"

'Hmm?'

"T-thanks," she blushed.

'You're blushing,' Pein stated.

'No I'm not!'

'We can feel your emotions girl,'Kakuzu said.

'I'm late for class!' she thought quickly and ran to class.

"Oh look the new bitch is late," snickered the slut Deidara attacked earlier. I sat down at my seat.

"Did you know that new bitch over there is a freaking virign Mary?" she snickered to her friends.

"That bitch over there?"

"That's the bitch-"

Tifa's hands slammed onto the table and she shot to her feet. She slicked her hair back and glared at the bitch crew with her lava set eyes.

"#+%^*#!£|+_!_!~¥+£~£|*#£|+\€( $": /")": #*%=^+{^[%[|£,!.¥~€{+]€|!|'emma'•=]+}^]\€~£|¥}+#, $; / ,,- /'[]{+#%£#*|+\•_=|*~£}.£%]€; /":$: :93&/ -&&- !"

"..." The whole class sat in awe. The teacher walked in late and started class. Hidan surprisingly is very good at English. So you people who says people who cuss have a very limited vocabulary are WRONG.

Next was gym. Tifa really disliked gym and prefer to sit on the bench. Too bad she HAD to do the rope climb.

'So which one of you guys?'

Tifa's hand coiled around the rope and went to the top without stopping. Her gold eyes looked down at the rest of the class. If you looked carefully one side of her face was tanner than the other.

"That was easy," Zetsu mumbled bored and slide down.

Math came and Kakuzu was a math genius but then again money was a form of math so it shouldn't have been a surprise.

Then lunch rolled around. Truthfully she wasn't surprised that there was no where for her to sit.

"Damn you even look like a prune with a pole shoved up her ass," a girl bumped into her causing her to drop her lunch.

Her orange eyes snapped up to the whore. Her hair now had a small bun in it.

"It doesn't take shit to do this!" Konan shouted throwing off her clothes revealing white undergarments with black lace and hearts everywhere. She then proceeded to model on top of a lunch table. Boys were cheering and whistling. The whore fumed and began to do the same only to get booed. Konan smirked, got off the table, slipped on her clothes, walked toward the exist, grabbed a tray of food from a guy, and went to the library.

'I can't believe you did that?!'Tifa groaned.

'What? I worked your body that's it,' Konan yawned.

"You made me look like a SLUT," she say down on a chair and began to eat."I don't even have undergarments like that. So how the Heck was I wearing it?"

You can thank your's truly.

'Okay maybe I went a little overboard,' Konan said sheepishly.

"You think?" Tifa walked around the library for a bit and all of a sudden her hair was now in a low ponytail and her eyes were blood red.

{I'm so happy!}

"Oh you again," Itachi said reaching for a book. Scowling when he realize he was too short.

'Who are you talking to Itachi?' Tifa asked.

"Hn. Anyway the weather is your doing? I'm surprised rainbows, fairies and unicorns weren't prancing around," looked a little irritated that he was so short.

'Who is he talking to?' Pein demanded.

{Ha ha! They think you're crazy!}

"It's there a point in why you are here?" he growled at the ceiling.

{Yes! We got reviews! XD}

"...and I care how?"

'Its best to just ignore him,' Kisame said.

"Hurry up I don't have all day," Itachi mumbled pulling a chair in front of the shelf.

{Okay okay. Geez someone's a little grouchy.}

"And who's fault is that?" he asked examining the back of the book.

'So Itachi finally lost his mind,' Sasori mumbled.

{Anyway _dulcebloo1_: :3 can you pudate more? I really like it! :D! *puppy eyes*}

{Of course! The more the reviews the faster the updates. And I cannot resist the puppy eyes!}

"How can anyone like this story. If ou could even call it that." Itachi continue to look at the shelves with the book tucked under his arm.

{Geez no one will with that attitude of yours. Moving on _RockerGirlAnime314_: Lol do another fouth wall session itachi is funny}

Itachi froze in mid step and looked at the readers. "How in Kami's name am I funny? I am emotionless if you can't tell."

{Looking directly in your fans eyes. Just doubled your Fangirls *snicker* and geez would it kill you to be nicer? I need these people to keep the story going}

"In that case I will not answer any questions from now on," he looked at another book.

{Who's the writer here? Oh that's right ME! Next review _coolnessfighter_:LOL!

this stuff is hillarious give yourself more credit!

btw is this before or after the pain arc cause i didnt see any nagato}

{...}

"You want me to explain don't you?" he sighed stacking the books in Tifa's arms.

{Puease? :3 also thanks! I'm really happy some people find this funny! Now if only more people would review...}

"Very well," he sighed. "This story does not really follow Masashi Kishimoto's plot at all. All will be told in due time because I don't feel like explaining, but to answer your question Nagato is dead and Yahiko is alive and as for the ark... DokuHimeKami being the idiot she is twisted the story so much even she can't tell."

{Hey! All will be revealed in time you weasel!}

"I will kill you," he looked up at the ceiling.

{Ha! Just try Ita-kun! You can't touch me cause I'm not in the story! MWHAHAHAHAHA!}

"Don't you have reviews to answer?" he asked bitterly.

{Oh yeah}

"Dumb idiot. How can you call yourself "Kami"?" he mumbled.

{Hey! I was getting there! Eh hm. _Guest_ :Haha keep it up! And get me a sandwich **.}

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

{Long story...and tell Tifa to get Guest a sandwich}

Itachi mumbled something under his breath.

'You want me to what?'

"Just do it," he hissed.

'Right. Sorry we're out of bread.'

{Well there you have it. No sandwich. So sorry. Itachi take it away!}

"Review because this fangirl has no life," he smirked.

{Dude. That's low}

"Who wrote it?" his smirked widen.

{Keep this up and I'll make Barney fall from the sky}

"DokuHimeKami does not own Barney."

{Geez you were so nice last session}

"Because if you would have continued crying we would have drowned and swept away in a hurricane," he deadpanned.

{...you're really mean. Why do I have to put up with you?}

*Sigh* "Do we really need to talk about you're emotional problems now? Can't it wait till the next 4th wall break session? The readers are probably getting impatient now," he pinched the bridges of Tifa's eyes.

{You agree to have another session!}

Itachi realizing his mistake had fear in his eyes. "No, I- I don't mean that-"

{To bad no take backs! Anyway for being so nice to me last time here's a dango!}

Out of nowhere a dango appeared in Itachi's hand. He ate it happily after making sure a certain someone didn't drugged it.

'Where did you get that?! Sky food is expensive!' Kakuzu shouted.

"Hn." Once the dango was finished he said," Tifa check out these books."

"Okay," she smiled walking toward the receptionist.

'Why is Mommy so happy?' Tobi asked.

'Oh something,' she smiled.

The rest of the day an Akatsuki member took over Tifa's body making her look like a freakin gifted child to the max.

"You guys made me stand out too much," she crashed onto the couch face first.

"You're fault you took us along brat," Sasori scowled. He really hated school.

"Oh cause leaving you guys home was so much better," she snorted.

"Well come on,"Konan dragged her upstairs.

"What are you doing?"

"We are going to swim in your pool silly!" Konan yanked her into her room. She was forced into a black bikini while Konan was in a white one. When they got downstairs all the guys were waiting.

"What took you so long?" Sasori growled. He wore red swimming trunks.

"Sorry but someone needed to be forced into her bikini," Konan gave Tifa a pointed look before going over to Pein and let him wrap hi arms around her. He was wearing white swimming trunks.

Swimsuit couple!

Itachi had blood red ones. Deidara was Aqua. Kisame were Blue. Tobi had neon orange. Zetsu had green. Hidan had black. Kakuzu had dark green ones on.

"Where are these clothes coming from?!"

Itachi looked up at the ceiling with his arms crossed.

{You can all worship me now}

He rolled his eyes.

"Last one in is a Chunin!" Kisame shouted as they all bolted towards the back yard. Everyone did a cannonball into the pool besides Tifa who was pushed in. The sun was blazing so the cool water from the pool was welcoming and cooling.

"You have something to do with this?" Itachi said under his breath.

{Be glad I didn't make you wake up in candy land. Freakin Candy Land}

"And how does that affect me? And DokuHimeKami does not own Candy Land."

{It doesn't but it sure effects Tobi}

"You wouldn't."

{Try me weasel}

"I would kill you if I could," he growled at the sky.

"Um, is Itachi okay?" Tifa asked.

"Hn," Itachi gave them all a look.

"Fangirls. They're watching us. Forcing us into these ridiculous stories for millions to read," Tifa said looking funnily at him.

"You speak Hn?!" everyone looked at Tifa shocked

"A little," Tifa smiled.

"Pein WE NEED this girl," Hidan pointed at Tifa.

After the sun set a few of them decided to leave while the remainder decided to soak in the hot tub.

Tifa went up to her room and collapsed on the bathroom floor. She been ignoring the sheering, throbbing, burning, and freezing pain throughout her whole body. What was happening to her? She passed out on the cool bathroom floor and right after someone burst into her room and looked down at the passed out girl.

Okay so I'll stop here for today. But seriously people because you guys review and follow my story I been on cloud nine all night! So please continue to review!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Any of the Akatsuki or any Naruto characters

Tifa sat up feeling slightly disoriented.

"Oh you're awake. Do you usually pass out in your own bathroom?" Sasori asked her.

"I did?" she mumbled. She felt perfectly fine now.

"Now that you're awake you can leave," Sasori opened the door.

"Excuse me?"

"You're excuse and leave. You may be my new fascinating toy but my puppets require attention too,"Sasori all but pushed her out of his room.

"Oh Tifa~," Konan called out from Tifa's room.

"What?" Tifa said cautiously. Konan smirked evilly at her before pulling her into the room and locking the door. "What are you doing?!"

"Finally! Nowhere to run Tifa,"Konan loomed over her.

While Konan is doing who's know what to our favorite main character let's bother Itachi.

{Itachi~ I'm the ghost of your dead cat!~ You must answers these reviews so I can move on~}

"Doku-dono I didn't have a cat," Itachi deadpanned eyes glued to the TV.

"Shut the fuck up Itachi! Stop talking to your imaginary friends! I can't hear the TV!" Hidan shouted throwing an empty beer bottle at or favorite Uchiha.

"Really?" Itachi looked up at the ceiling after he dodged it.

{Session time so get your butt outside or I'll make everyone think your crazy and inject you with enough medicine to kill a bear}

Rolling his eyes he did as told. Making sure the slide door was closed behind him he looked back up at the sky.

{Okay this one is from _Freedom its2l8_: Itachi play Pack man and own IT?}

"How can I play a game that is not-" Itachi was cut off when a Pack man machine fell from the sky and landed by the tree.

{You were saying? I even went through the trouble to get one of the original one. You know the arcade version}

"You can't be serious."

{Oh but I am. Now play}

"No. DokuHimeKami does not own pack man" he said cooly but oddly enough his body went against his will and walked toward the faint machine. His hand trembled as it reached the joy stick."Doku-dono you will regret this."

{Sure I will. All for the viewers}

10 minutes later

{Itachi watch out! It's right behind you! Right there! There! Get the drugs! You skipped a fruit!}

Itachi looked completely calm as he played and seconds later the high score screen flashed.

{You were awesome!}

"Of course. I never lose," Itachi scoffed.

{Right. Moving on. _OragamiBlueAngel_: Please update soon}

"I can't believe people honestly like this fanfiction," Itachi snorted.

{Shut up Ita-kun. Anyway I'll try but reviews motivate me so keep them coming!}

"Do you live off these reviews?"

{Is that a problem?}

"..."

{Yeah. I didn't think so. Next up!

_RockerGirlAnime314_: LOL the others should start to be apart of the 4 wall sessions... maybe hidan

:3}

"Please. Then I won't have to suffer with you."

{Dude these are for me. See what happens when you're mean? No one wants to talk to you}

"Then you can leave me alone."

{Not a chance. And as for the others I'll think about it. I already have an idea*smirks evilly* but it's for future chapters. So just wait and see!}

{Now it's _Guest_: :So I dont get a sandwich?! (p))))) (Good job, keep it up.)}

"No sandwich...and why do you even want one?"

{Thanks and I'll try. Itachi be nice.

_coolnessfighter_:i am loven this story!

is there going to be any fighting in this story?

are pein and konan like an item?

is tifa going to go with any of the akatsuki(sorry im a romance addict)}

Yes is there going to be fighting in this story DokuHimeKami? Please enlighten us."

{Ita-kun if you keep this up I will embarrass you. Yes there will be fighting but later on. You guessed it Pein and Konan are an item. Tifa well of course. Also I'm also a romance addict}

"What's with Fangirls and romance?" Itachi scold. "And I never expected you DokuHime to be a romance addict."

{Take a seat with all the other people I disappointed in my life Uchiha.}

"Also a lot of things happen "later" in this story doesn't it? Your readers are getting bored."

{Hey! It's hard being a writer!}

"Yes of course. You must be so over worked in your short, boring, and miserable life," he rolled his eyes.

{Why are you like this again? I wanted people to send in reviews where i MAKE you do things you don't want to!...}

"What's with the pause?" Itachi said cautiously."Also who's fault is it that I'm like this again?"

{I'm worried. Almost all the reviews were for me (not that I mind) and barely any for you}

"You aren't going to cry again are you?"

{Psh! Of course not! Why? Are you going to comfort me again?}

"No. I just want a heads up so I can go inside before it starts pouring or get hit by lightening," he deadpanned.

{ Well aren't you a box of fun}

"If that is all I will be leaving," he walked towards the house only to walk into an invisible wall.

{Aren't you forgetting something? Say it}

"Fine," he sighed. "You readers that are reading this. Yes I'm talking to you. Review and sent in request/questions for the fourth wall breaking session."

{Good! On with the story!}

Itachi walked back inside and slide the door closed. Outside a figure emerged from the tree.

"He's crazy," Zetsu said then merged back into the tree.

{Told you I'll get you back Itachi*snickers*}

All of the Akatsuki were currently in the living room.

"Come on Tifa!"they could hear Konan scowled from upstairs.

"But I don't want to!" Tifa complained. The Akatsuki were curious but went back to what they were doing.

"Come on. If you're a good pet I'll give you a treat. Now move!" Konan yanked a collar as she walked downstairs causing Tifa to fly down the staircase and land face first on the floor.

"Ow," Tifa winced sitting up. All of the Akatsuki members stared at her. She was currently wearing a maid's outfit with cat ears and tail and a collar and leash to match.

Hidan was the first to speak.

"Quit playing around and get me a beer," he ate a sandwich.

"I'm not your wife!"

"So you are into that type of stuff," Sasori observed her more.

"As if! I'm a cosplayer. COSPLAYER!"

"I thought we didn't have anything to make a sandwich with," Itachi looked up at the ceiling. But sadly the ceiling or higher being did not want to talk to a mean jerk like Itachi.

"Ooooookay. Tifa looked elsewhere.

"So what do you think?" Konan said smugly.

"You are crazy." Tifa shot her a look which Kinan purposely ignored.

"I like the cat ears,un. The leash is a nice touch,un," Deidara rubbed his chin and nodded his head.

"Sadist," Tifa mumble under her breath.

"Make her a mermaid," Kisame suggested.

"Not helping. Some older brother you are," Tifa grumbled.

"Hey. What can I say? I'm that type of older brother."

"Good to .

"She looks good...enough to eat!" Zetsu drooled eyeing Tifa like a juicy steak.

"That didn't cost any money did it?" Kakuzu eyed Konan skeptically.

"Not a cent. I just found it in the house!"

"Good," Kakuzu nodded and went back to counting money.

How much money did this guy have? Counting it seems to be all that he ever does...

"How are all these weird stuff keep appearing in my house?!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow at the ceiling.

{I did not put anything in this house}

He frowned.

"Hn?"

{Why do you care? Less

Work for me and free stuff for you. Learn from Kakuzu. Accept free things when you receive it}

"Mommy looks pretty!" Tobi squeezed the air out of Tifa. Yes air not life because without Tifa there will be no story. Itachi perked up at this.

"Thanks Tobi because mommy really need to be told that," Tifa said sarcastically.

"?"

"Never mind," Tifa shook her head. This guy was too cute for his own good.

"Pein?" Konan looked at the leader. Everyone turned their attention to him.

"Whatever you want angel," Pein smiled at her. She smiled back at him.

"So when are you guys leaving again?" Tifa asked.

"..."

"So you guys are telling me you didn't even consider leaving?!"

"No." Pein said.

"Why should we,un?" Deidara asked munching on popcorn.

"Where did the popcorn come from?" Tifa asked. He shrugged and continue eating.

"This place has everything," Konan took a seat next to Pein and kissed his cheek.

"Free food,un."

"Free beer."

"A huge pool."

"Hn."

"A very spacious place which has my new toy."

"A green house."

"I have one of those?"

"Free."

"A HUGE playroom!"

"Hello wall meet my face," Tifa slammed her head against the wall. "No! I will not become insane because of you people." she stopped herself and went upstairs.

She got ready for bed unaware that someone was watching her outside.

"Hello? Do you read me?"

"Yes Hokage."

"Have you located the Akatsuki?"

Before the person could answer two very short shadows grabbed him, tied him up, and gagged him.

"Answer me!" the walkie talkie cracked.

"Nuh uh," one replied.

"Fine keep looking and really! How hard is it to talk?"

The one with the walkie talkie whimpered.

"Over and out."

The two shadows looked at each other and snickered

Sorry for the short ch! I been super busy today do read, review, follow, and favorite please!

Oh and send in reviews/request/questions you want Itachi or the rest of the Akatsuki to answer!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Any of the Akatsuki or any Naruto characters

Now as the sun was rising and the outside world was calm and quiet. Itachi sat up in his chaise and stretched. It was a rare time in the house. Yes when the house was quiet and peaceful. He glared at the ceiling.

{Morning sleepy head~!}

"Allowing Fangirls to see me with bed head and stretching caused them to multiply."

{Wait-what?}

"Never mind," he shook his head.

{Itachi now you got me worried}

"I don't need your concern," he snapped.

{Awww. You were so much cuter when you were sleeping. Maybe I should knock you out...}

"Don't even think about it. Don't you have reviews to read?"

{Oh yeah! _RockerGirlAnime314_: Itachi why are you so mean? You could be nicer to the author you know she could probaly make you wear or do something embarassing... like wearin girly pink stuff lmao}

{Hmmm. She has a point.}

"Don't you dare," he said through gritting teeth."Also why am I being told what to do? You forced me into this story and make me deal with you so why are you getting sympathy?"

{Thanks for your concern _RockerGirlAnime314_! Well maybe because I haven't done or said anything mean unlike you Itachi}

"Hn."

{Really? This again? *whispers to readers* Thanks for the concern but that's how we are and in his own way I think he cares...well deep down... deep, deep, deeeeep down he cares...one way or another}

_{Rougewitch_: hey pretty nice story even though i get a little confused with you talk to

itachi in the middle of the story any way i like it update soo}

"So your little fourth wall breaking sessions confuse your beloved readers,"Itachi smirked.

{Shut it Uchiha! _Rougewitch_: thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoy it. You will know its me talking when you see these "{}" and I try to figure something out so it won't be so confusing}

"You're being polite and nice. Are you sure you're okay?" Itachi smirked.

{Dang you and your stupid smirks! How can people even like those?! Anyway here's _coolseal9_: Love this story!}

{See people do like my story}

"Then why do you barely have any readers following this story?"

{Moving on. _coolnessfighter_: this story is awesome!

how many chapters do you plan on writing?

when the storys over will you make a second one?

can you make kisame get drunk of kool-aid}

{I'm not sure how many chapters myself. Usually I just let the story flow and when it ends it ends. I like to finish this story first before considering making a second one and I like the way you think. Kisame my next victim- I mean my next helper will be more than willing to help}

"Do you not know the definition of cruel and unusual punishment?"

{Of course I do}

"You know it's illegal right?"

{Yeah but since I control this story I can not be arrested so suck it up! At least they haven't made you do something embarrassing yet}

Itachi nodded.

{Okay lets get these reviews going! _Guest_: :itachi, theres a machine gun under the bed! USE IT ON THE AUTHOR!}

"Which bed?"Itachi asked quickly.

{Can they do that?}

"Do what?" he asked a little irritated. He was going to have to wait for the next review to know where it was.

{Put stuff in my story. Also readers since Itachi sleeps in the library he sleeps on a chaise}

He shrugged. "Quickly tell me which bed it is _Guest_ and here's the sandwich." Hands ceiling the sandwich.

{Dude that's just cruel would you really shot me?}

"No comment until I find the machine gun."

{..._kaci12_: update soon plz lov ur story

ps:can u embarrass Itach 4 me by making him dress up in a pretty pink sparkly dress, put his hair in braids, tie a pink bow in each, and put pretty sparkly pink slipers on him, oh and don't 4get the make-up and jewlery

pss:UPDATE SOON AND ITACHI WHENEVER U INSULT OR BE RUDE TO /KAMI-SAN I GIVE

/KAMI-SAN PERMISSION TO PHYSICTLY AND MENTALY SCARE AND HURT YOU hope u like that /Kami-san}

Itachi glared up. "Don't you dare," he said through gritting teeth.

{I jinxed you huh?}

"Yes. And you can't believe you already have some readers on your side already."

{Hey you're the one who will have a machine gun}

"Your point?"

{I wouldn't let the others see you dressed like that but you threaten me so you will be dressed like that and the others will see you}

"You wouldn't."

{ On the contrary I can do anything. I am Kami-san after all. Plus two readers suggested it so I can't not do it}

"I will kill you," he growled was he was all of a sudden wearing a pretty pink sparkly dress, his low ponytail was now untied and in braids with pink bow in each strand. He was now wearing sparkly pink slipers on him, oh and his make-up was nicely done and jewelry all over him.

{Now dance!}

"You're kidding me."

{ We went over this Itachi. I never kid now dance!}

"No."

{...}

"..."

{...}

"..."

{Dance or everyone in this house sees you in the get up}

"...Hn."

{Good glad you see it my way}

Itachi started to dance like a ballerina. "I swear I will kill you one day," Itachi shook in anger.

{Uh huh. Just keep tellin yourself that. Anyway on with the story}

Itachi was now dressed the way he was before wearing the ridiculously funny outfit.

Tifa woke up only to find Sasori an Deidara staring at her.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed and fell out of her bed. "What are you two doing in my room?!" she demanded.

"Observing you," Sasori said.

"Can you make breakfast,un?"

"Out," she pointed at the door. She got ready and went downstairs only to see all the Akatsuki members in the kitchen. She sighed and started to make pancakes. "So what are you guys going to do today?" she asked.

"That is classified information," Pein stated.

"Training in your backyard," Konan said. Pein face palm.

"Konan we are S-ranked criminals. We don't tell powerless hostages our plans."

"Hostage? Well don't forget this hostage is making you breakfast and I suggest if you don't want burned and disgusting food you treat me with more respect," Tifa waved the whisk at him. The others snickered.

"Mommy can Tobi have dinosaur shaped pancakes?" Tobi pouted at the girl.

"Of course," she sighed but smiled at him. He could be too cute for his own good.

When she was done everyone got a plate of pancakes.

"Finally! This is how a man should fucking live. You live another damn day wife," Hidan stuffed his mouth with pancakes. At this point Tifa didn't even care.

"Thanks Mommy!" Tobi said playing with the dinosaurs.

Kakuzu poked at it. "It's free." He nodded and began to eat.

"Can I eat you instead," Zetsu sniffed her hair.

"Pein!" she called out.

"No." Pein shot Zetsu a glare.

"A nibble?" he asked hopefully.

"No."

"I'm not giving up yet snack," he sunk into the ground

"These are good! I didn't think you could cook,un!" Deidara said with his mouth full.

"Just cause I just happen to have a lot of money doesn't mean I don't know how to cook," she rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the food," Kisame grinned and ruffled her hair. She smiled.

"Here's a treat," Konan set a cookie in Tifa's hand. "Good girl!" she patted Tifa on the head.

Sasori stared at the pancakes like any second it would come to life.

"Sasori I didn't poison it," she giggled. He snapped his head in her direction.

"I am still getting use to this human body and I do not trust your cooking skills."

"The others seem to trust it," she waved at the others.

"Itachi still has yet to eat his," Sasori pointed out.

"I cannot trust the author. She could have put paralyzing powder in it and throw me to the fangirls," Itachi glared at the ceiling.

"... Never mind," Sasori put a forkful in his mouth. The scenery around him changed. It was pink with sparkles and his eyes twinkled. A smiled made it's way onto his face.

"See," Tifa smiled. "Itachi I would not put any paralyzing powder in my food. I haven't heard much less own it," she said.

Itachi was now glaring at the pancakes.

"Fine," she sighed. She took a bite of his pancakes. "See?"

He stared at her for a bit until he was sure she wouldn't be paralyze. And ate it himself but very cautiously.

After everyone was done they all went outside.

"So how are you guys going to train?"

"With this hat!" Tobi pulled out a top hat with multi colored sticks in it. They all pulled out a stick and this was result.

Sasori vs. Hidan

Kakuzu vs. Deidara

Konan vs. Zetsu

Itachi vs. Tobi

Pein vs. Kisame

First up Sasori and Hidan.

"Considering Sasori's human body partnering him up with the slowest member was smart," Tifa muttered. Itachi looked up at the sky. Wasn't this a little too in favor for Sasori?

The battle began. Hidan wasted no time in throwing his scythe at Sasori who moved out of the way quickly. Hidan growled but yanked his scythe back into his hand. Sasori pulled out a scroll. Hidan saw this coming and threw the black pointy stick he carries around at the scroll. It sailed through the air going right through the scroll and pinned it to the tree. Sasori cursed as he attempted to pull out another scroll. Hidan was already charging towards him and swinging his scythe like mad. Sasori was hit with the back of the scythe and sent flying into the sky. Sasori then released a puppet from the scroll. As he was falling from the sky Hidan threw his scythe up at him. Not being able to dodge he used his puppet as a sheild. Since he was too slow he couldn't activate the puppet's shield so the puppet shattered. Sasori landed on his feet with a thump. He slowly looked at Hidan with murderous eyes. Sasori attached chakra strings to Hidan and then proceeded to send him crashing into everything in the yard besides the greenhouse. With his free hand he summoned a puppet which cut up the immortal into pieces.

"I win," Sasori stared down at Hidan's head and kicked it.

"Ow! You damn little-"

"Don't ever break my stuff or I'll break you."

"DokuHimeKami does not own Sasori's quote," Itachi said.

"..."

"My turn,un!" Deidara smirked. Kakuzu grunted. "Tifa are you watching,un?" Deidara waved at Tifa.

Kakuzu took the time Deidara wasted waving at Tifa and kicked him and sending him flying through the tree and through the fence.

"Pay attention," Kakuzu grunted. Deidara winced when he smirked. His hand went into the pouch of clay. He summoned his giant bird and flew in the sky. Itachi looked up at Deidara. Now it was plain obvious the author was playing favorites.

Kakuzu summoned his hearts out and the fire and wind one combined their attacks as a tunnel of flames flew towards the bomber. Deidara flew out of the way and tossed his bombs down at Kakuzu. Kakuzu used a lightening move and the clay bombs fell to the ground completely useless. Diedara frowned. Kakuzu smirked. Back and forth they went. Kakuzu trying to knock him out of the sky, Deidara dodging and throwing his bombs around and Kakuzu disabling them until they were nearly out of chakra. Now they could only rely on there fist. Both were panting from exhaustion. They flew at each other with punches, kicks, dodges, shurikens, kunai knives, and senbons. By now the battle had dragged on for quite some time. Kakuzu used the remaining of his chakra and sent his fist to Deidara hitting him right in the face and sent him flying into the pool.

Itachi glared up at the sky knowing the author made Deidara lose on purpose to prove him wrong.

The battle between Konan and Zetsu was intense. Konan couldn't get a clear hit on Zetsu because he disappeared so quickly and when Zetsu went to eat Konan she turned to paper and flew out of his reach. Konan came up with an idea. She covered the whole yard in paper bombs and set them off. Everyone took cover in the house besides the fighters. As the smoke cleared Zetsu emerged from the ground and smirked up at the female Akatsuki member. She sent him glares that could kill if they could.

"Can't you guys just agree to a draw? My yard can't take anymore," Tifa looked at the yard which looked like a burned wasteland.

"Fine," Konan sighed and descended to the ground. Zetsu frowned but didn't disagree.

"DokuHimeKami I swear I you make me lose to Tobi-"

"Itachi who are you talking to?" Kisame scratched his head.

"I won't forget this kami-san," Itachi sent the sky one last glare before looking at Tobi.

Tobi popped into the ground then popped next to Itachi and whacked him with a stick.

"Whack-a-mole jutsu!" Tobi shouted. When Tobi's eyes met Itachi's Itachi activated his Mangekyo Sharingan. A second later Tobi crumbled to the ground. "Just kidding!" Tobi shouted jumping to his feet. Itachi glared at him. He stared Tobi down. "Tobi is tired so Tobi will forfeit!" Tobi ran around the yard.

With Pein and Kisame it was obvious that Pein was winning but Kisame wasn't going down without a fight. Every time Kisame swung Samehada Pein would use his almighty push and send him flying back. Kisame was not pantin while Pein didn't even look like he was even close to sweating. Finally after a while Kisame fell to the ground. Pein smiled knowing this was Kisame's way of accepting defeat.

"Come here all of you one at a time besides Konan, Zetsu, Tobi, and Pein!" Tifa had her hands on her hips. The rest gulped not knowing why they were being called. They started to argue and push each other until Sasori who still wasn't used to his human body stumbled and landed at Tifa's feet. "Nice of you to volunteer Sasori," she pushed him onto the couch and began to bandage him up. He looked down at her the whole time looking amused. "What?"

"You never crease to amaze me," he said a small smile formed on his lips. She pursed her lips and finished fixing him up.

"Next!" she looked at the rest. Deidara smiled sitting on the couch. "Honestly do you guys always beat the bloodily pulp out of each other?" she sighed and wiped the blood off of Deidara.

"Do I get a get better kiss,un?" Deidara teased.

"No," she said slapping a bandaid on him and walking over to Kakuzu. "You beat up Deidara as bad as he beat up you," she mumbled. He shot a glare at her. The rest of the time she just let him glare at her.

"How bad is it squirt?" Kisame grinned.

"Not too bad but you got your butt kicked," Tifa smiled at him.

"Can you fix me?"

"I try," she giggled and began to help bandage him.

"Itachi. Don't be like this," Tifa sighed.

"Hn."

"Come on even Hidan accepted my help,"she tapped her foot impatiently.

"Hey! What about me wench?!"

"Hn."

"Why are you being so difficult?" she sighed.

"Tobi think Itachi-San is being childish," Tobi said innocently.

"You're the childish on,un," Deidara whacked the back of Tobi's head causing him to cry.

"Hey!" Tifa shot Deidara a look which he waved off. "Where are you going Itachi?" Tifa called out to the retreating Uchiha. The others seem to have moved on leaving Tifa with the job to help Itachi. She ran after the Uchiha. As soon as she went into the library she was against the wall and a hand holding her in place.

"Why won't you leave me alone insignificant human," he said angrily. She struggled at first then sighed.

"You have it tough huh?" she placed her hand over his eyes. If only she was a medic ninja then she could heal his eyes. Itachi jerked away. "Sorry! I shouldn't have done that," she said sheepishly. Itachi just stared at her. "W-what?"

He grabbed her hand. "You have chakra."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Me no own Akatsuki or Naruto characters

"What?" she said shocked.

"You have chakra. Healing chakra," he grabbed her wrist gently and pulled her to Pein and Konan's room.

"What is it Itachi?" Pein asked.

"Hn." Pein raised an eyebrow. Even after all these years of knowing Itachi, Pein has yet to understand Hn.

"He's saying I have chakra," Tifa explained.

"Are you sure Itachi?"

"Hn."

"That's yes."

"Emergency meeting in the living room. No one is excused," Pein got up and left with Konan by his side.

Itachi pulled Tifa to the living room where everyone was staring at them.

"What's the fucking big idea Pein?!" Hidan shouted. Ah right to the point.

"Tifa has chakra,"Pein said.

"How? Samehada would have noticed," Kisame looked down at his sword.

"It's very weak," Itachi said.

"Still..."

"Maybe because you guys took over my body?"She suggested. They all looked at her. "What? Just a thought," she mumbled.

"That could be true. The fact that since we have chakra and took over her body means we could have transfer and opened her chakra passages," Sasori explained.

"So you're saying she has our chakra just like that,un?" Deidara asked skeptically.

"No. If you remember we found her passed out in her bathroom that same day," Sasori said.

"Wow danna you seem to know a lot,un."

"Of course," he scoffed," She's my toy after all."

"So now what?" Tifa asked.

"We do need a medic ninja," Kakuzu pondered.

"The bitch can speak Hn. That's damn good enough for me," Hidan said.

"She'll need training," Zetsu eyed her.

"She will be useful," Itachi nodded.

"Why not?" Kisame shrugged.

"I'm all for it," Konan said happily.

"Don't I get a choice in this?" Tifa asked.

"Nope!" Tobi smiled.

"Join or we kill you," Pein looked at me.

"That's not really much of a choice," she slumped in her seat.

"But it's still a choice," Pein smirked.

"Fine. I'll join," she sighed.

"Good figure out the training schedule. Dismissed." Pein got up.

"Here. Focus your chakra into this," Konan handed her a piece of paper. Tifa took it and focused her chakra into it.

"Lightening. Kakuzu will teach you," Konan smiled and left the room with Pein.

"Sparring with me next,un," Deidara smiled.

"I'll teach you the basics of healing," Sasori added.

"Hn."

"Oh you'll teach me genjutsu and ninja tools Itachi?" He nodded.

"I'll teach you fucking chakra control," Hidan yawned.

"I'll help build up your stamina," Kisame grinned.

"I'll teach you about herbs," Zetsu mumbled.

"Reflexes! Tobi will teach Mommy to get better reflexes!"Tobi waves frantically.

"What's with the face?" Zetsu questioned.

"It's just that everyone in the Akatsuki has an awesome Kekkei Genkai but me," she pouted.

Itachi looked up at the ceiling and raised an eyebrow. Something landed on Tifa's head with a thunk and Itachi looked over.

"Ow!" Tifa rubbed her head. By her hand was a manual. "Forbidden scroll of Time Ark Jutsu," Tifa read.

Instead of questioning how or where the book came from they just accepted the gift cause the author didn't want to explain.

"Aren't you lazy," Itachi smirked.

{Piss off Uchiha I had a rough Morning}

"Touché."

{You know what? Just for that it's review session time!}

"You feel better by torturing others?"

{Psh! No! I just enjoy their suffering. There's a difference you know}

"Of course there is," Itachi said walking into the library.

{ Up first _RockerGirlAnime314_: Lol itachi is too paranoid now}

"Paranoid? I'm being cautious. There's a difference you know," he looked at the readers with a glare.

{Surrrrrrre there is and i would never throw you to fangirls. My story would end if you died. I mean who would talk to me during these fourth wall sessions? anyway next!

_DVbR Miki-san_: I love your story. Itachi is just so awesome! I don't find him weird for the Fourth Wall thing, I do that all the time with my alter egos. I'M ON 'TACHI'S

SIDE!

Update soon okay? (:.O.0.:)}

"I know I'm awesome," he said leaning against a book shelf with his arms crossing his chest.

{Well aren't you full of yourself?}

"I rather be aware and confident in my skills then lack any self worth," he scoffed.

{Keep telling yourself that buddy. _Guest_: :Yay a sandwich! (Itachi the machine gun is in Tifas room!) Uhh nice story

btw! Keep it up! (Itachi..use it!)}

Itachi eyed the door before bolting.

{Not so fast}

Itachi slammed into an invisible wall.

{You cannot leave during a fourth wall session so sit your ass down}

"You do know after this I will get it right?"

{Oh yeah that reminds me! Would you really shoot me?}

"Of course," he snorted.

{... I have lost all trust in you. _Guestisback_: heh heh your story is getting better and better! Psst Itachi its Guest! I will help you.. author..catches me o.o'}

{I knew _Guestisback_ was _Guest_!}

"No. Really?"

{Your sarcasm was not needed}

"I have to get you back some way."

{... Anyway anyone can help you all they want but I'm in charged of what comes and doesn't come into my story. Plus are you really going to break into a girl's room?}

"My machine gun is in there."

{Dude going into no sneaking into a girl's room. You have stooped to a new low Itachi. I never knew you were a pervert. Sure some of the other guys wouldn't surprise me but you?}

"Don't make me look bad. Once I get that machine gun it's over for you," he glared at the ceiling.

{Anyway this session should have given Tifa enough time to read that book so pasta lavista bye bye!}

"What does that even mean?" he mumbled as he walked back into the living room.

"It saids I can rewind, pause, stop, or fast forward time," Tifa mumbled.

"Cool!" Tobi shouted.

"Hmm," Tifa's face scrunched up.

"What is it, un?" Deidara asked.

"I'm sure if you guys got your body parts chopped off I could rewind time to "fix" it," Tifa said. "But I'm not sure if I can do that."

"Let's test it out," Zetsu suggested. Itachi who was still very pissed off sliced off Hidan's head with his katana.

"What the fuck was that for you damn Uchiha!" Hidan shouted as his head rolled around on the floor.

"Hn."

"Oh right!" Tifa sat next to Hidan's body and started to focused her chakra. It formed into a golden see through shield. "It's not working," Tifa could barely say.

"Try putting the head Under the shield," Sasori suggested. Kakuzu kicked his head under the shield and alined it with the neck. Slowly the head started to reattach to the neck.

"Done," Tifa panted and hand to use her hands to keep her from falling over.

"That Kekkei Genkai took a lot of chakra out of ya," Kisame noted. Tifa nodded.

"Let's go," Kakuzu went outside.

"Hey I just realize something!"Tifa smiled.

"What?" Kakuzu asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well in hospitals when people die doctors can "shock" the heart into beating again!" Tifa said excitedly.

"You think you can start up our hearts when it stops?" Kakuzu sounded mildly interested.

"Well it doesn't always work but I could try," she said.

"Now I will teach you some lightening ninjutsu moves. Watch and try it," Kakuzu said forming hand symbols.

"Well time to spar,un!" Deidara dragged her away from Kakuzu. "Okay I'll teach you some taijutsu. Since hardly no chakra is involved you should recover enough for Sasori's class,un," Deidara said.

"Okay. But I never fought before," Tifa said.

"Ugh! You're stance is all wrong,un! Here you have to stand like this,un," Deidara got behind her and fixed her stance. Tifa's heart skipped a beat. He was a little to close to her. "Good now let's fight,un!" Deidara shouted.

"Are you okay?" Sasori asked Tifa as she winced again.

"I'm covered in bruises thanks to Deidara," she pouted.

"Yes I can see but lets get the basic down do you can move on," Sasori said impatiently. "First bring this dead fish back to life."

Minutes later the fish was flailing around on the table.

"I never thought you would pick it up so quickly," Sasori said a little amused.

"Thanks!" she smiled.

"Hn," Itachi stood at the door.

"Oh okay. See you later Sasori," Tofa waved at him and left with Itachi.

"Genjutsu is rather difficult so for today I'll teach you how to break a genjutsu," Itachi said.

"Okay," Tifa nodded. A second later Tifa felt odd. She took it as a sign she was in Itachi's genjutsu. The room looked no different and Itachi was standing there.

It took her a few tries but she eventually broke the genjutsu.

"Good. Now what type of weapon do you prefer?"

"Can I have tonfas tht shoot out senbons?" she asked.

"Hn."

"I can wait! In the mean time can you teach me how to use Kunai and shurikens and maybe paper bombs?"

Hn. But you will also learn how to use metal wires," he said. After a long time of training Kisame got her and Itachi went to talk with Sasori.

"Okay squirt. I'm going to come at you with all I got and you have to try to stay in the fight as long as you can," Kisame unwrapped Samehada. He lunged at Tifa.

Not long after Tifa gave up.

"Come on kid that was pathetic, Kisame frowned.

"Sorry if I was never trained to be a ninja," she panted.

"Fine. But every time we fight you have to last longer than the last fight or no lunch," Kisame threaten.

"This is my home," she rolled her eyes.

"I'm a big guy. I'll steal your food and you can't stop me," he grinned. Tifa narrowed her eyes.

"Okay focus your chakra into your feet and walk up this tree," Hidan said. Within seconds she was at the top.

"I told you I know what to do. It's just a little harder in doing then understanding," she shouted down at him.

After lunch Zetsu took her into the greenhouse.

"All the plants in here can be used for healing or making poison. Learn all of them and I will teach you how to make food pills and other pills. Also if you dont learn everything Ihave to teach you by the end of the week i will eat you,"Zetsu said. Tifa could barely remember half.

"Tobi's turn!" Tobi bounced into the greenhouse only to be yelled at by Zetsu. In the end they both got kicked out.

"Tobi is going to pop out of the ground everywhere and poke Mommy with this stick. Mommy has to dodge Tobi's stick okay?" Tobi asked waving his stick around.

"Okay,"Tifa nodded. Too bad Tofa's reflexes were as fast as a normal human and ended up getting poked with the stick a lot.

During school they took over her body causing her to take more of their chakra. Also her body became use to their stamina, reflexes, speed, and power. Since she had acquired a lot of chakra.

Enough to produce her own, she trained with her Kekkei Genkai. She also enquirer music and dance into her training to help her and it worked.

During her fights with Deidara she was able to pause him and use her lightening jutsu's to disable his bombs.

Her lessons with Kakuzu and Sasori were done so she only practiced a little with them.

With Itachi she it her tonfas and was training with them on top of the other weapons. Her accuracy had improved a lot.

Kisame trained her well enough to last at least three days in battle.

Zetsu taught her how to make serum and enhancing pills.

Hidan got chopped up a lot so she eventually reminded time faster and was able to still rewind time for his whole body.

With Tobi her reflexes were top notched and she learned she could see a person's plan if she touched a person's forehead and used the fast forward in the time jutsu.

"I can't believe I got so much better in a week!" Tifa crashed into the couch. She also trained secretly and increased her strength to monstrous strength like Tsunade.

"Movie night bitch! Get your ass down here before I fucking make you!" Hidan shouted from the living room.

"Why?" she sat down next to Deidara.

"Shut the fuck up! Tonight we're fucking watching a damn horror movie and there's no way in hell I'm letting any of you assholes skip out," Hidan put in a CD.

"Tobi play video games in basement!" Tobi called out.

"He left,"Tifa pointed out.

"That little fucker would have ruined the movie," Hidan said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

After the movie Tifa was scared shitless and jumped at every sound.

"Screw you Hidan. I can't sleep now," She hissed to herself. All of a sudden her door creaked open. "W-who's there?" she called out stiffening.

"Tifa?" Sasori's voice called out to her from the doorway.

"Sasori?"

"Can I sleep in your bed?" he mumbled climbing into her bed.

"What's wrong?" Tifa asked.

"Nothing. I just can't sleep," he shot her a glare.

"Aww! It's okay if the movie scared you Sasori. Even if you are an S-ranked criminal," Tifa giggled.

"I am not afraid of anything," he growled at her.

"Okay. Well goodnight,"Tifa laid down in her bed. Sasori stared at her for a bit before laying down next to her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I'm not scared. I was just worried you were," he mumbled into her hair. Truth was she was scared and Sasori's presence did comfort her. Also she knew he was scared but didn't want to admit it. She just nodded and drifted off to sleep.

DokuHimeKami again y'all! Okay even I found this chapter boring so I'm gonna try to update another chapter. Hopefully a better one. Anyway you know the drill review! And I have a question for y'all. Who do you think Tifa wil get paired up with and who do you want her paired up with? Also reviews for other Akatsuki members during the Fourth wall session is very appreciated!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Me no own Akatsuki or Naruto characters

Tifa woke up to see that not only Sasori was gone but Itachi was sneaking in her room.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Hn."

"To get a machine gun under my bed?" she raised an eyebrow. "I think I would know if-" she was silenced when Itachi did pulled out a machine gun from under her bed.

"Also can you help heal my eyes?" he asked holding the machine gun like it was totally normal to carry around a weapon that deadly.

"Sure," she smiled. They went to the library where she instructed him to lay down and close his eyes. First she rewind the damage done on his eyes and healed it. "I reversed the damage and enhanced your eyes do they won't be stressed or blind. But don't use your eyes anytime soon. They still need to adjust," she explained and handed him sunglasses that was next to the chaise.

"Thank you," he smiled at her. She froze in shock. She hand never seen Itachi smile like this ever.

"Your welcome," she smiled back. "If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. It's not good to keep everything to yourself Itachi."

"How do you know?" he asked grabbing her wrist.

She sighed as she explained about the Naruto series. By the time she was done explaining everyone has already woke up.

"So?" she asked.

"The original series is correct," Itachi said as Tifa re-enhanced his eyes.

"The Shippiden is completely wrong," Sasori mumbled. "How could I ever lose to a child with PINK hair and my grandma?" Sasori scoffed.

"Me lose both my arms and commit suicide because of an Uchiha,un?" Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Nagato was the one that died and gave Yahiko his Rinnegan," Konan frowned.

"Like Hell I could lose to that lazy ass!" Hidan shouted.

"...I am very much alive," Kakuzu said.

"Who is Madara and masked man? Tobi disappeared and Tobi doesn't see Tobi anymore," Tobi pouted.

"We are searching for the tailed beast, but decided since every village was out to get us we let the Leaf capture and execute us. You know so we wouldn't have everyone on our backs," Kisame said.

"I know you guys told me that. But the manga has a different plot which screwed me over when I met you guys," Tifa waved the manga.

"How foolish. This author is trying to say good prevails over bad," Itachi rolled his eyes. "Furthermore I no longer have any interest in letting my brother kill me."

"Anyway I got to go to school," Tifa looked at the time. "So are you guys sure you'll be okay on your own?"

"Of course (un)!" they all chorused.

"Okay all the food is in the fridge. Don't go outside. And I'll be home soon," Tifa sounded unsure.

"We aren't kids. We can take care of ourselves," Pein growled.

"I know but my house was not made to survive you guys," she deadpanned. Her phone went off. "Hello?" Her face paled. She hung up and looked at the Akatsuki. The doorbell rang. She shoved Deidara's clay pouch in his hands, Hidan's scythe in Hidan's hands, and Samehada at Kisame.

"What's going on?" Tobi asked innocently.

"Mommy's worst nightmare," Tifa said. "Zetsu I give you permission to eat her. Hidan it's okay to sacrifice her. Itachi Mangekyō Sharingan her. Kakuzu sell her to science or something. Sasori you can break her. Kisame cut her to ribbons. Deidara blow her up. Same goes for you Konan. Pein...well do what you do best," Tifa said as she held Erza's Purgatory Armor's weapon she happened to "find".

"DokuHimeKami does not own Erza, her purgatory armor, or Fairy Tail," Itachi mumbled.

The rest of them hid in the shadows as Tifa opened the door.

"TIFA! Like I can't believe it's you! I haven't seen you like in forever! Ugh! I can't believe you still dress like that!" a girl who had neon pink hair and too much make up on said pushing her way into the house.

"What do you want Checker," Tifa growled. The Akatsuki were taken back. Tifa never got angry like that.

"Like how rude! I just wanted to find a nice place for me and my boyfriend to do it," Checker rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't mine leaving for a few days right? Good!"

"Like Hell you're going to stay in my house and kick me out you whore!" Tifa swung the weapon. Only to have Checker barely get out of the way in time.

"What the hell is wrong with you, you prude!" Checker shouted.

"You!" Tifa shouted back. The Akatsuki was about to interfere but someone walked into the house.

"What are you doing Checker?" a guy with shaggy platinum blond hair scold.

"Nothing!" Checker shouted and pressed herself on his arm. He had a look of disgust before looking at Tifa.

"Sorry about Checker, Tifa. I'll take her away now. Nice place," he smiled at Tifa.

"Thanks Chess. Honestly I don't mind you being here but Checker..."

"Yeah I know," Chess smiled. "Checker if you ever bother Tifa again I will never talk to you again," he shot Checker a glare.

"I won't! Promise!" Checker said and left.

"I can't believe you two are related," Tifa sighed.

"Well you're related to her too ya know," he smirked.

"Please. I don't need to be reminded you two are my cousins," Tifa groaned.

"Anyway she won't bother you anymore. She always listen to me."

"I know. It's gross how she throws herself all over you."

"I don't support incest," he shivered. "Anyway I got to go before she forgets her promise."

"'Kay. Bye."

When Chess was almost out the door he said," And one more thing Tifa."

"Hmm?"

"Your life's about to get interesting." with that he just left.

"What was that all about,un?" Deidara asked as they all got out of their hiding places.

"Nothing now. Shoot! I can't believe I forgot that I got this placed booby trapped just for her," Tifa snapped her fingers. "Anyway I got to get to school now before I'm late. See you guys!" she ran out of the house and headed towards the school.

At school Tifa could not believe her eyes. In front of her was Deidara.

"What pray dear Kami are you doing here?!" she hissed.

"Well Pein told me to keep an eye on know just in case you get killed or try to run away,un," Deidara grinned.

"But why are you here?"

"Cause I look normal unlike the other,un."

"So does Itachi, Sasori, Tobi, and Pein," she pointed out.

"Itachi doesn't want to be mobbed by fangirls. Sasori hates school. Do you really expect Pein to go to school? And Tobi? Really? You want to deal with that five year old all day,un?"

"Point," she mumbled. "But Zetsu could keep tabs on me."

"He has better things to do then watch you. Also isn't he still planning to eat you,un?"

"Wow I feel sooo loved and you're right," she sighed. "Just promise me you won't cause trouble?"

"I don't make promises I don't intend to keep Tifa,un," Deidara grinned.

"I figured as much," she sighed. "Anyway let's get to class."

"Well cant be too hard I already know where everything is,un," he followed.

"Wait how the heck did you manage to get all my classes?!"

"Itachi said something about it..."

Let's go pay Itachi a visit shall we?

{Hello Ita-kun!}

"Don't call me that!" he snapped.

{Anyway care to explain how Deidara got all the same classes with Tifa?}

"Why? The only reason is you are too lazy to give him classes of his own and the only power you have over this story are words."

{...}

"..."

{That is probably the longest you ever spoke.}

"I will kill you," he pulled out the machine gun.

{You can't shoot what you can't see! Anyway I'll be back.}

Back to school. Outside the school someone was watching Tifa and Deidara from a tree. He spoke into the walkie talkie.

"I spotted the Akatsuki and it seems that have a hostage," he spoke.

"Keep an eye on them and where is you're location?" All of a sudden five little shadows gagged and tied up the guy. One shadow clicked the walkie talkie button. "Do you hear me? Report your location!"

{Now now Hokage I can't have that}

"Who are you?!"

{No one you need to know. I can't have you finding out everything and rushing me now}

"Who the Hell are you bitch?! Are

you working for the Akatsuki?!"

{I work for no one. And I hate being rushed the most. Now my minions carry on}

"Keeh Keeh!" the author's minions laughed as the broke the walkie talkie and dragged the Leaf ninja away to where they hid the last one.

{Now to get back to Itachi}

"Where did you go?"

{Aww! Did you miss me?}

"Hardly. I was hoping you find a new victim," he sighed. "No luck."

{Anyway bye!}

"No reviews?" he raised an eyebrow.

{No since this is an extra chapter since I didn't like the last one}

"Why's that?"

{I just didn't like it and this one seem a little better so I hope my readers like it}

"You are very strange. Anyway review fangirls. Also are you ending the chapter here?"

{Yeah typing two chapters a day is tiring so I'm stopping here for today. Sorry for the short chapter guys! Today's been pretty rough so I hope you guys like the extra chapter!}

"Goodbye."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki or Naruto characters. I only own Tifa and the plot.

"Tifa!" Deidara whispered. Tifa decided to ignore him. "Psh! Tifa!" Again she ignored him. Then she felt something being thrown at her head. She jerked her head in his direction and glared at him. He ignored the glare and pointed at the crumbled up paper. She picked it up and read it.

'I'm bored,un.'

'Too bad. Suck it up & stop bothering me!' she threw it back at him and he caught it effortlessly. He read it and frowned. He pouted at her. She rolled her eyes. The bell rang and she got out of her seat.

"That wasn't nice Tifa,un," Deidara waited for her by the door.

"Well I for one don't want to get in trouble with the teacher," she rolled her eyes.

"School's boring,un," he sighed putting his hands behind his head.

"Yes I know," she sighed.

"I'm just glad people are leaving me alone,un." Tifa looked at him from the corner of her eye.

"Don't you want any to be popular?" she teased.

"Not with these people," he snorted.

"Anyway-," she looked around and noticed Deidara was gone. "I swear if he's going to do something-"

"Careful or you might run into someone," a person caught her as she nearly fell on her butt.

"Thanks and sorry," Tifa dusted herself off.

"H-Hi," a timid voice said to her. She looked up to see Hinata.

"Hey," she couldn't help but smiled. She always had a soft spot for the girl.

"Anyway mind showing us around? We're new. Name's Kiba by the way," Kiba grinned.

"H-Hinata. Nice to meet you," Hinata bowed.

"Nice to meet you too Hinata," Tifa bowed herself.

"About that tour?" Kiba raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry but she's busy,un," Deidara came up from behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She felt him tense and so did she. She didn't need an all out brawl in the hallway.

"Sorry but I'm showing Deidara around," she said quickly. "Bye!" she waved at Hinata as Deidara pulled her away.

"Tell me you weren't honestly you weren't going to fall for that,un," Deidara mumbled under his breath.

"No. But Hinata's so cute!" Tifa pouted. He snorted.

"Cute? A girl with that big of boobs is not cute,un," Deidara explained.

"Pervert," she mumbled.

"What was that,un?"

"Oh nothing~."

"Tell me,un!" he pouted.

"No. Let's get to class or we'll be late," she giggled.

"Tsunade we made contact," Kiba whispered into the walkie talkie.

"Excellent. Does she look like a hostage?"

"S-she got all tense when Deidara touched her shoulder," Hinata said angrily.

"Keep her scent and trace it back to the source and locate the two that were caught. Careful she's-"

{Tsunade I thought I warned you I hated to be rushed}

"You!"

"What the heck?!" Kiba looked around.

"No ones here!" Hinata looked scared.

{Now now. You do gooders are getting on my nerves but I guess I pushed you all back long enough}

"Who the Hell are you?! And what do you mean you can't see her Hinata?!"

"I can't smell her either," Kiba growled.

{I just hope you know I will make things very difficult for all of you now that you tested my patience}

"Hinata, Kiba. Be careful and find the other two quickly."

"Hai!" they chorused.

When Tifa and Deidara was finally home Deidara reported the situation.

"This is bad," Pein mumbled. "Did they hurt you?" Pein asked Tifa.

"Why do you care? She's not like your daughter or anything," Hidan rolled his eyes.

"I am God and what I say goes. Tifa is now my daughter."

"We were discovered so quickly," Konan pouted.

"But it took a lot longer than we expected," Kisame frowne and took a sip of Kool-Aid. Itachi raised an eyebrow at the ceiling.

"DokuHimeKami does not own Kool-Aid."

"I felt a trace of chakra a few days back but it disappeared," Zetsu added. Itachi was still looking up at the ceiling.

"Um guys? Is Kisame drunk?" Tifa pointed to a disorenented Kisame.

"Did that fucker really get drunk off of Kool-Aid? Holy shit!" Hidan started to laugh his ass off.

Kisame then decided to sing and swing Samehada around.

"Someone stop him!" Tifa shouted hitting the ground. Samehada nearly took her head off. She couldn't say the same for the lamp though.

"Yo listen up here's a story

About a little guy that lives in a blue world

And all day and all night and everything he sees

Is just blue like him inside and outside

Blue is his house with a blue little window

And a blue corvette

And everything is blue for him and himself

And everybody around

'cause he ain't got nobody to listen to

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

I have a blue house with a blue window.

Blue is the colour of all that I wear.

Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.

I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.

Blue are the people here that walk around,

Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside.

Blue are the words I say and what I think.

Blue are the feelings that live inside me.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

I have a blue house with a blue window.

Blue is the colour of all that I wear.

Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.

I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.

Blue are the people here that walk around,

Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside.

Blue are the words I say and what I think.

Blue are the feelings that live inside me.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...!" Kisame sang as he was now on a rampage.

"How the fluck do you get drunk off of Kool-Aid?!" Tifa shouted.

"DokuHime," Itachi said through gritting teeth.

{Meh you're right not funny enough}

Kisame then decided to try to start kissing everyone. He would run at someone with a smoochy face and they run like Hell. Whenever he tripped or someone else was in his field of vision he began to chase after them. Oh yeah and the whole time he was swing Samehada around like crazy.

{Now to reviews!}

"Youre kidding me," Itachi dead panned.

{We already went over this now under the coffee table in the living room!}

Itachi did as said and glared at the ceiling.

{_Guestisback_: maybe tifa will be with deidara..btw the time rewinding jutsu thing tifa has

sounds alooot like that one girl from bleach. (itachi, the author is too damn powerful T_T. theres another machine gun, its under the couch! the couch

itachi!)}

"Yes I agree the author is too damn powerful," he shot a glare at the ceiling.

{I guess that does sound a lot like that bleach character. When I first thought of the power I had a remote control in mind and I wanted Tifa to have time powers . Besides if she could rewind their limbs back what would happen to the limb that was cut off?^^;}

Kisame was running towards Itachi until he saw Deidara and began to chase him.

"Itachi help out,un!" Deidara shouted throwing clay birds at Kisame. He swing the away and they blew up against the wall.

"Don't destroy my house!" Tifa shouted form who knows where.

"Wouldn't you know?" Itachi asked.

{Reviews are more important right now}

"Kisame is on a drunk rampage and all you can think about are reviews?"

{...}

"What is wrong with you?"

{A lot of thing. _Guestisback_: whats wrong with ch7? xD maybe you should add sasuke to the story, then him and itachi can have a machine gun war! heh heh (Nice work btw, as expected)}

"See you are over stressing this," Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Why is there a machine gun under the couch?!" Tifa shouted.

"That's mine," Itachi took it out of her hands.

{Well I didn't really like it... It seem a bit boring to me and Itachi you just don't want to go through more session than the minimum needed also did you think I wouldn't force- i mean add other Naruto characters in my story?}

"You just love to torture us don't you," Itachi glared.

"Itachi stop your partner!" Prin shouted.

"I call bathroom!" Konan shouted diving into the bathroom and locking the door behind her.

{Maybe...eh who am I kidding? Of course I do! _coolnessfighter_:you type 2 chapters a day?

wow!

i cant belive tifa has powers!

hey is it just me or does tifa have somethin goin on with one of the

akatsuki(probably spelled that wrong)?

anyway nice story keep it going!}

"You did not spelled the Akatsuki wrong," Itachi pointed out." Also since the author didn't like ch7 she felt it wasn't good enough for her readers so she typed another one."

{I usually only type ONE ch a day cause it's tiring enough. Well the point is for Tifa to have something going on with one of them...who

r u referring to? (just want to make sure I'm right) ;) }

"Die mother fucker!" Hidan swung his scythe at Kisame who in his drunken state defected them quite easily. Zetsu was safe outside.

{You should stop him}

"Why don't you?" he snapped.

{Well that would be boring and he's your responsibility}

"Fine," he growled. "But you just have me an idea," a smirked played its way onto his lips. Itachi ran at Kisame and kicked him in the stomach and sending him into the pool.

"I'm a shark!" Kisame shouted swimming around the pool and made the Jaw's song when the shark was about to attack.

"DokuHimeKami does not own Jaws," Itachi looked at the readers.

Pots and pans fell from the sky and knocked Kisame out. He was floating in the pool belly up.

{I knew he really was a shark!}

"Pots and pans? Really?" Itachi raised an eyebrow.

{Would you prefer moving vehicles?}

"You're right. Pots and pans are fine."

{You know what? Pots and pans are getting old. Moving vehicles it is!}

"Dear Kami," he placed his hand over his eyes and shook his head.

{Yes?}

"Not you!"

{Geez live a little or at least take that pole shoved up your ass out}

Many minutes later when the house was magically repaired and Kisame was no longer drunk.

"You're paying for any repairs that didn't magically fix itself," Tifa looked at Kakuzu.

"Shut up slave. It's your house so fix it yourself!" Kakuzu growled hiding his money.

"How is that possible?" Kisame placed a hand over his forehead. "Kool-Aid? It has no alcohol in it what so ever."

"As I was saying we will locate that trace of chakra and everyone keep on your toes," Pein dismissed them.

Later that day while Everyone was in the pool besides Itachi the doorbell rang.

"Sick place you got," the jock handed Tifa her pizza.

"Thanks." she started to shut the door but the guy pushed it back open.

"Hold up babe what's the rush?" he winked at her. She rolled her eyes. Typical. Jocks sees a decent chick with a big ass house, they try to woo the chick and when they do they throw huge parties in girl's house that involved drugs, alcohol, and sex.

"Piss off," she rolled her eyes and tried to shut the door without breaking it.

"Come on. Don't you want a boyfriend?" he smirked. "And let's face it. You don't look like a girl who has any guys in her life."

"A boyfriend? No guys?!" her eye twitched. "Okay mass hole listen up! I'm a mom, a wife, a toy, a snack, a pet, and a daughter!"

"What's going on out here?" Itachi stood behind her. She turned her head around. Itachi was dripping wet, his hair wet and out of his normally low ponytail and he only had a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Who the hell are you and what do you care?" the guy growled.

"Who I am is none of your business and I care because she's my drug," Itachi smirked taking putting one arm around her shoulder while the other hand took a lock of her hair and placed it near his lips. The guy stood there with his mouth open while Itachi slammed the door in his face.

"What was that about?!"Tifa demanded.

"Well you are healing my eyes like medicine and I just can't seem to get enough of you," Itachi shrugged taking a bite out of his pizza.

"What do you mean?"

"Well being with you is very relaxing and since you know my secret I can talk to you," he stated. He left and from the backyard I heard Tobi shouting.

"PIZZA!" within seconds I was mobbed by them and they started to tear through the pizza.

"You better clean up all the water that's getting everywhere!"

DokuHimeKami here! Well what do you think? People need to review more and what about request about the other Akatsuki huh? Also tell others about my story cause I want more review! TT^TT


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I know I don't own the Akatsuki or any Naruto characters so why do I even need a disclaimer?

Tifa sat up in her bed and looked at the clock. 12:49AM. She groaned and fell back onto her bed. It was really quiet. Not something you get living with the Akatsuki. Since she couldn't sleep she decided to check up on all of them. After all they did party long after she fell asleep. Quietly she opened her door and looked around. She decided to check up on Pein and Konan first since their room was closest. Their door was cracked open and she smiled when she saw them sleeping peacefully on the king size bed.

"Who's there?" Pein sat up.

"It's Tifa. Just checking up on you guys," she smiled. He frowned.

"You should get some sleep," he said and waves her off. She shut the door.

"Not even gonna ask where that bed came from."

She walked up to the attic and say Kakuzu resting on top of a stack of money with his arms protectively around it. She shook her head. She went to the art studio aka Deidara's room but he was nowhere in sight. Frowning she continue to the living room where Kisame and Hidan were snoring loudly. She fixed both their blankets since they somehow kicked it off in their sleep. She opened the sliding door leading to the backyard and spotted Zetsu's sleeping form in the greenhouse. Last she went down to the basement where Sasori was sleeping on the pool table. The only thing between Tobi was the game console and Deidara sat not far away on a beanbag chair. She placed a pillow under Sasori's head and blankets on Tobi and Deidara. She walked back upstairs and looked in the library. Itachi was sleeping with a book in one hand and the other hand on his cheek. She quietly closed the door and went back to her room and fell asleep.

{Wakey Wakey Itachi~}

Itachi's bloodshot red eyes glared at the ceiling. "What do you want?!" he snapped.

{ Well sorry i didn't know when to do the reviews and the ch ain't lookin so hot. Guestisback: dont you think you overdid it on kisame? o.o}

"Yes. I agree you did overdo it with Kisame."

{Really? I thought it was good enough. After all I never met a drunk person and I didn't want I under-do it...oh well^^;}

{Anonyomous:I cant belive your being mean to Itachi-nii! (T_T) Dont worry Nii-kun I got you back! Theres a tranquilizer gun under couch USE IT NII-KUN!

Oh and can I be your little sister Ita-nii?}

{Soo...}

"Not a word."

{Be polite and why is everything coming out from under the couch? I find that hilarious! XD}

"You are free to call me Nii-san but don't expect me to call you imouto. And thank you for the tranquilizer."

{You know I was planning to put a tranquilizer in the last ch}

"Why didn't you?" he raised an eyebrow.

{Cause then knocking Kisame out would have been too easy}

"You twisted-"

{Language! Next! RockerGirlAnime314: Drunk off kool aid? Why not apple juice? Lol Kakuzu is so cheap and i always

knew kisame was the shark from jaws XD}

"If I recall it was a request from someone," Itachi explained.

{Apple juice...}

"Don't even think about making him drunk off that," Itachi threatened.

{I would never!}

"I'm watching you," he narrowed his eyes at the ceiling.

{Can't watch what you can't see}

{ Person:I think Tifa should be with either Deidara, Sasori, or Itachi.

Deidara cuz he's just awesome, Sasori cuz he's already slept (just sleeping gosh!) with her, and Itachi cuz of the drug part. I 'awww'ed at that. (Hey, Itachi, I hid lollipops under the couch! Use them for evilness! I'm sure you'll get what to do 3)

I really like this story and I got ** when I caught up. I hate waiting for updates. X) And now I'll go find other sticky candy to put in people's hair.}

{Worry not I will try to update everyday until school starts!}

"You showed them that part?" Itachi narrowed his eyes and hissed at the ceiling.

{Technically typed. But you were so sweet! Do you know how rare that is?! Once in a lifetime moment I could pass up!}

"Thanks to you my fangirls increased by hundred folds!"he hissed.

{The couch. Everyone seems to love le couch. Let's move on!}

{ Mawlie-chan: Nice work! I love your story! (Hey Itachi, I made samwiches (sandwiches) and a

handgun that could kill the unseen...) Um Itachi, you must do everything Kami tells you(it's under Kakuzu's money. Hurry and get it!) I can't wait for later

chapters hahaha! *(-')}

"Kakuzu's money of all places? But I appreciate the thought."

{Dude you got 2 machine guns, a tranquilizer, lollipops, and a handgun. How are they on my side again? Also why Are they supporting a jerk like you?}

He just shrugged.

{Now last up! Freedom its2l8: I'm going to take a random guess and say that everyone of them is going to claim her as something different.}

{How'd you guess?! I'm so happy someone noticed *sniff*}

{*sniff*}

"Crying again?!" he looked horrified.

{I have more reviewers now! I'm so happy!}

"Yes I'm jumping with joy," he rolled his eyes.

{I could do without the sarcasm buddy. Also...don't make me make you do it}

"I will get that gun."

{Technically I'm not unseen I'm just on the other side of a computer screen}

"I really cannot stand you. Have I ever told you that?"

{Only every session... Now let me attempt to start the story}

"Good riddance," he mumbled.

{What was that Ita-kun?}

"Nothing. Readers please review and send in request you want the Akatsuki to preform. We also we accept questions."

"What do we do about the Leaf ninjas,un?" Deidara asked.

"Nothing," Pein said. Everyone gave him a look.

"Until they make their move just stay on your guard and don't leave Deidara's side Tifa," Pein said picking up a juice box and took a sip. He stopped and blinked.

"Pein? Are you okay?" Konan touched his shoulder.

"SILENCE MY MINIONS! I AM GOD AND I DEMAND YOU ALL GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN TO ME!"Pein shouted then crackled evilly.

"He's drunk off of apple juice... What the fuck is wrong with this shit?" Hidan mumbled.

"SILENCE BIBLE THUMPER! GO GET ME DUMPLINGS!" Pein pointed at Hidan.

"You did not just called me a bible thumper," Hidan pushed his sleeves up.

"Oh look at the time! We're gonna be late Tifa,un!" Deidara pushed her out the door.

"You're right! See you guys! Don't want to be late now!" Tifa slammed the door shut.

"DOKUHIMEKAMI!" Itachi's voice shook the whole house. Okay let's check up to see how the Akatsuki are doing shall we?

Pein was currently beating anyone who got close to him. He was in current "God" mode right now and Konan was getting pissed!

"We are not a soap opera made for your entertainment," Itachi deadpanned. Kisame and Kakuzu were currently holding back and enraged Hidan.

{Hey I can make you}

"Leader is scary! Someone stop him!" Tobi shouted flailing around.

"Itachi can you do something about this?" Sasori hissed. His eyes was twitching and you could tell he was about to poison someone.

"Hn."

"Just do it!" Sasori snapped. Sighing Itachi reached under the couch and grabbed the tranquilizer. He aimed it at Pein and shot him. He then aimed it at Hidan and shot him. "I'm not even gonna ask," Saori mumbled.

{Well that's no fun*pouts*}

"Deal with it," Itachi smirked at the ceiling.

{...}

Both member did not get sedated and Pein ran outside while Hidan only got angrier and went on a rampage.

"You can never let anything be solved peacefully can you," Itachi snapped at the ceiling.

{If I did Tifa wouldn't deal with you guys resulting in no story}

"I pity her."

{Shouldn't you stop Hidan before he destroys the whole house?}

Itachi sighed and kept shooting at Hidan. Amazingly he took all the tranquilizers before passing out.

{Man he took more than an elephant or craze bear could handle!}

"What about Pein?" Itachi threw the tranquilizer aside.

{What about him?}

Itachi ran outside seeing Pein shouting to the world and people who were just passing by that they should bow down to him and worship him. "That."

{Oh. So what do you want me to do?}

"Stop it," he said through gritting teeth.

{What's the magic words?}

"..."

{Come on say it}

"No."

{Eh I'll let it slide since I'm so nice}

An ice cream truck was falling towards Pein but he almighty pushed it away sending it crashing through a house.

{NOOOOO! The ice cream!}

"Is the ice cream what you're worried about?"

{That's it! Pein it's mono against mono! God vs. God!}

Moving vehicles were raining right on top of him. Apparently he almighty pushed them all away.

{...you know since I'm not a car maniac and don't feel like looking them up lets change it to something new!}

A giant pig fell on Pein crushing him.

"Why dear kami does the pig have sharpie drawn wings on it?"

{You know Cooro in Anima+? His tattoo turned into wings so why not?}

"DokuHimeKami does not own Anima+. Also why a pig?"

{I decided to go with farm animals. I can't wait to drop a herd of cows on someone hehe}

"You are an Akuma not a Kami," Itachi eyed the sky making sure nothing landed on him.

{No I'm kami see my name?}

"Not the point. Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

{Oh snap! To Tifa and Deidara!}

"What are you guys doing here,un?" Deidara glared at the two.

"W-we w-we're s-sorr-"

"What does it matter to you?" Kiba cut off Hinata and glared at Deidara.

"You four in the back! DETENTION!" the teacher shouted. Tifa glared at Deidara who waved her off and continue to mold clay in his hands. Kiba was leaning back in his seat with his hands behind his head.

"THUNK!" they all looked at Hinata who passed out and her head slammed down on the desk in the process.

"Does she always do that,un?" Deidara pointed looking amused. Kiba glared at him while Tifa smacked the back of his head. "Ow! What'd I do,un?!" Tifa just shook her head.

Time Skip to Detention

"I will kill you," Tifa shot Deidara a glare.

"Geez it's just detention,un," he rolled his eyes. Tifa placed Hinata in a position that would prevent her from passing out again.

"I hate to admit it but that guy's right," Kiba jabbed his thumb in Deidara's direction.

"For some of us who never get in trouble it's a big deal!" Tifa hissed. "Besides Hinata wasn't even doing anything," she narrowed her eyes at the boys. They just shrugged. She rolled her eyes. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," Hinata gave her a shaky smile. Deidara then pulled Tifa onto his lap.

"And what may I ask are you doing?" she faced him with a skeptical look.

"We can't have you going to the other side. Besides I'm not letting them take you. So keep up your guard,un," Deidara whispered harshly in her ear.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes.

"Soooo Tifa?" Kiba grinned.

"What?" she dead panned. As you all remember she doesn't really care for people's company.

"Are you and Deidara like an item or something?" he rested his cheek on his hand.

"I'll kill you!" Tifa shouted grabbing Kiba by his shirt collar and began to shake him.

"I-was-just-asking!" his voice sounded funny since he was being shake.

"Eh," Deidara shrugged.

"What do you mean 'Eh'?" Tifa stopped shaking Kiba.

"Just what I mean,un," he shrugged. "Personally I prefer that outfit Konan forced you to wear,un," he smirked.

"Never speak of it again!" she threaten grabbing his shirt collar and glared at him.

"Mmm," he just nodded.

"You people will be the end of me," she sighed resting her head on the desk.

"T-Tifa?" Hinata sounded worried.

"She's fine,un," Deidara said coldly and placed a hand on Tifa's shoulder as a warning and a motion for his concern. Tifa could only muster enough energy to nod. The teacher dismissed them from detention. Deidara grabbed Tifa's hand and quickly left the room. Kiba and Hinata slowly left the room.

"We got her scent," Kiba said into the walkie talkie.

"What took so long?" Tsunade growled.

"Something was blocking the scent last time," he growled.

"Anyway locate the other two and follow them with caution. I want you to take her not start a blood shed war. Over and out."

"Why are you two late coming home?" Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know ask Deidara," Tifa snapped and glaring at the said blond and stormed to her room.

"Ugh," Pein groaned and nursed his hangover.

"So no pizza?" Hidan asked.

"Shut up idiot," Sasori smacked the back of his head.

Inside her room Tifa took a quick shower. When she was done she realized she forgot her clothes. So she wrapped her bath robe around her, put on her undergarments, and stepped into her room. Someone knocked her out and she fell into someone's arms.

"S-shouldn't we get her some different clothes?" Hinata asked.

"No time we got to go before they noticed," Kiba threw her on Akamaru's back. They left through the window.

On their way out it started raining cows.

"What the Hell!" Kiba shouted.

"We need to find shelter Kiba-kun!" Hinata put her hands above her head.

"Where?!"

"The woods," Hinata pointed to a dark scary woods.

"Right let's go."

So wad you think? I kinda like this ch. remember to review! Peace! Till next time! Send in reviews/request/questions for the other Akatsuki or I can't drag them into a fourth wall session! ;)


	11. Extra

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of it's characters and everyone knows that so is the disclaimer necessary?

{Okay this is an extra ch folks! As we all know Itachi enjoys these so lets give a round of applause to Itachi! Or as I call him Ita-kun!}

"I despise you," Itachi hissed.

{Yeah yeah I know now take a seat in the recliner}

He did as told. "Why is there another one?" he raised an eyebrow.

{Dun dun dun dun! Welcome all to the Fourth wall room extra chap! *fangirls clapping and whistling in background*}

"Hn."

{Hey this is going to be fun! First up Tifa! *poof!*}

"What the? Where am I?" Tifa looked around.

{It's our favorite main character everyone! Let's give Tifa a warm welcome! *few clasps were heard* really? Dude why does everyone like Itachi? He's not even the main character}

"So am I crazy now?" Tifa asked. "I knew this would eventually happen. All because of you guys," Tifa groaned.

{Tsk my dear! You sadly are not crazy}

"So you weren't talking to yourself this whole time?" Tifa looked at Itachi in shocked.

He glared at her.

{Any who take a seat in the empty recliner Tifa and we can get the ball rolling}

She sat down in her bath robe. "Why am I in a bath robe only?"

{You just got kidnap. But that's not important}

"You have to suffer with this? I'm so sorry Itachi," Tifa looked at Itachi. He nodded.

{Hey! I'm talking here! Tif-tif-chan focus!}

"I'm kidnap and you're worried about this talk show?"

{Hey no one is sending in any questions or request so I HAVE to give them a taste and they might start. Don't worry this is a sample one so your life isn't in danger or anything}

"How are you not crazy with her?"Tifa looked at Itachi.

"It's talent, willpower and my inability to accept losing."

{Hey! I'm not that bad!}

"Says the idiotic author who hasn't introduced herself," Itachi sighed.

{Oh yeah! Tifa my name is DokuHimeKami. Call me Doku-dono, Hime-sama, Kami-san, or DokuHime}

"Sure?"

{Okay now onto my own questions ! So Tifa do you have anyone in the Akatsuki you like?}

She blushed and looked down. "No comment," she mumbles.

{I'll take that as a yes!}

"What! I didn't say that! And why am I blushing?!"

{ I control your entire existence! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!}

"..."

"..."

{Anyway so who's the lucky guy?*smirks*}

"I told you no one!" she hissed.

{Denial. Geez okay already. Okay do you secretly enjoy the clothes Konan makes you wear?}

"What?! How can you even ask that?!"

{If you don't answer I'll take it as a yes~}

"No," she crossed her arms over her chest and fumed.

{Okay. So have you ever had your first kiss?}

Tifa's face turned a very dark red. "You have no regards for other people's feeling do you?" she mumbled.

"That or she doesn't know when she crosses the line,"Itachi added. "But I'm curious as well Tifa. Did you have your first kiss yet?" Itachi intertwined his fingers and looked curiously at Tifa.

"Well,um,I, you know..."

{Answer the question hun. We don't have all day}

Tifa glared at the ceiling.

"Yes I must agree with Hime-sama for once," Itachi nodded.

"Jerks," she mumbled. "No."

{What was that? I couldn't hear you. Mind repeating that?}

"I said NO!" she blushed.

"Shall I change that?" Itachi took her chin and tilted her face upward so their lips were inches apart. Tifa blushed a shade of red that the world did not know existed.

"N-Next question!" she pushed Itachi away. He had a smirk on his face now.

{Itachi! A girl's first kiss is very important! Don't tease her like that!}

"Then why are you?" he raised an eyebrow.

{I'm a girl and I own her so it's my right. What's your excuse?}

Tifa raised an eyebrow at him.

Itachi coughed into his fist. "The questions?"

{Smooth real smooth Itachi anyway-}

"If you created the world I live in why are there so many assholes?" Tifa asked.

{1) NEVER INTERRUPT YOUR GOD! 2) if all of them were cool and awesome I have to keep track of everyone and that's tiring}

"Please take note readers the author does not have the ability to remember critical things," Itachi stated resting his arm on an armrest.

{Please note dear readers I need more requests on embarrassing Itachi}

Itachi glared at the ceiling.

{Anyway that's all I feel like typing for now so... *loud sound of hands clapping together* Secret Technique: Memory Lose Jutsu!}

Tifa passed out and after a cloud of smoke she was gone. Itachi was also gone.

{The jutsu just now keeps memories of what happens in this room in this room. Like the saying goes what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. So please review and send in requests/questions for the other Akatsuki members so you can see them in this lovely and fun fourth wall breaking session}


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Only thing I own is Tifa and the plot. Not the Akatsuki or any Naruto characters for that matter. Why must I even type this disclaimer when I see no point in it?

"Bitch! Get your ass downstairs and order us some damn pizza!" Hidan kicked Tifa's door open. Seeing as it was empty he decided to storm around the whole McMansion.

"What the fuck Hidan! Why are you making so much noise?!" Pein shouted but wince at his loud voice.

"The bitch is missing so I can't get a sandwich!"

"What do you mean she's gone?" Konan demanded pissed.

"Gone what part don't you understand?" Hidan growled.

"Mommy is gone?" Tobi's bottom lip began to tremble.

"Ah to Hell with it!" Hidan shouted gettin pissed off at Tobi's face.

"She's not in her room?" Sasori glanced up the stairs.

"No,un," Deidara came downstairs.

Itachi came downstairs with a handgun.

"Um, Itachi where did you get that?" Kisame scratched the back of his head.

Flashback!

Itachi quietly walked up the stairs the the attic. Upon opening the door he noticed how lowly lit the room was.

"What do you want Itachi?" Kakuzu looked at him.

"Did you happen to find a handgun under your money?"

"This?" he tossed the gun at Itachi who caught it.

"Thank you."

"Why was it under my money?"

"Fangirls."

"I thought I sense a disturbance in the chakra." Kakuzu nodded.

Flashback end!

"Um, Itachi you know we can't see your flashback right?" Kisame sweat dropped.

"Warning don't toss guns to each people. The only reason we did it cause we are skilled ninjas,"Itachi said.

"Okaaaay,un."

"Zetsu?" Pein looked at the plant man.

"Her chakra is not anywhere in this house," Zetsu growled.

"Where's mommy?!" Tobi demanded.

"DokuHime?" Itachi looked up at the ceiling.

{Sorry man no freebies}

"Hn?"

{Cause then they might actually think you aren't crazy if I keep interfering with the story}

"Hn."

{You have yet to get me back so how are you planning to do it now? But I can help indirectly...}

"Kami-san? Great she shuts up when I actually need her to talk," Itachi mumbled.

"Keeh Keeh!" two monkeys with sailor hats popped out of the shadows.

"Monkeys?! Duh fuck!" Hidan shouted.

"Can I eat them?" Zetsu grabbed one by the tail, holding it upside down and licked his lips.

{Fine if you want to eat your only helpers}

"They can help," Itachi said. Everyone looked at him.

"How are monkeys suppose to help Uchiha? You really have lost it,un."

Itachi's eye twitched.

{Not monkeys! Sea monkeys! No they aren't those single cells parasites those stupid toys sell! This is what a sea monkey really is! A monkey with a sailor hat! Only Jimmy Neutron got it right!}

"DokuHimeKami does not own sea monkeys or Jimmy Neutron," Itachi said.

"So these little things are sea monkeys," Sasori poked one and it laughed.

"Can they really help Itachi?" Pein asked looking skeptic.

"Hn."

"Okay make it work," Konan poked one.

"Zetsu put it down,"Pein said. Zetsu let it go after growling at it.

"Can you help us?" Tobi asked squatting down and looking at the sea monkeys. They just stared at him.

"DokuHime," Itachi said in a warning tone.

{Geez keep your pants on. Sadly the only way to command them is by giving them a blue or purple banana. Oh and NEVER give them a pink banana}

"Zetsu do you have a blue or purple banana?" Itachi looked at the plant man.

Everyone gave him a 'WTF' look but Zetsu who nodded. He can back with both colored banana. The monkeys swiped it and examined it before smiling and putting it away.

"Where did they put the banana?" Konan asked. The monkeys ran into the basement.

"Follow them!" Kisame roared as the others ran after them. One monkey had a drill in it's hand while the other had a crowbar.

"How did they get those things?" Kakuzu asked. Itachi just shook his head. The monkey with the drill un-drilled the screws from the side of the paak man machine and the other monkey used the crowbar to open the side. Two leaf ninjas fell out of the machine tied up and gagged.

"..."

{What?}

"Did you even feed them?" Itachi asked

{Eh. I put my monkey minions in charge of them so maybe?...}

"Alright talk,un!" Deidara pulled the gag free.

"Evil! Evil!" Yamato shouted.

{Oops! Looks like you broke him. Bad minions! Bad! Now how are we going to find Tifa?}

The monkeys looked at the ground guiltily.

"If you don't talk I'll make you scream," Zetsu said.

"Keeps those monkeys away from us!" Kakashi shouted.

"Talk," Itachi stepped up.

"Never," Kakashi glared.

"Kyaaaaah!" the monkeys screeched. Everyone wince and then the house shook. Sea monkeys appeared all over the walls with an evil grin and demonic look in their eyes.

"Okay we'll talk!" Yamato shouted.

"Yamato!" Kakashi looked shocked.

"Their evil. You have no idea Kakashi," Yamato shivered at the memory. "It's most likely the girl was taken by ninjas from our village and are heading back there now."

"Of course!" Kisame smacked his forehead.

"Let's go," Zetsu sighed.

"We're coming Mommy!" Tobi pumped his fist in the air.

"What about us?!"Kakashi said.

"Eh? Monkeys deal with them," Konan waved her hand. The monkeys snickered as they closed in on the two ninjas.

"No. NO! NOOOOOOOOO!" the men shouted as the Akatsuki left the basement and closed the door behind them.

{Okay! Let's check up on Tifa!}

"T-this forest is really creepy," Hinata rubbed her arms as they walked deeper and deeper into the scary forest.

"Well we had to get away from the raining cows,"Kiba mumbled.

"Ugh! Where am I?" Tifa groaned.

"Don't worry we're taking you somewhere safe,"Hinata smiled at her.

"So you took me in my bathrobe? How much of a pervert are you dog breath?" Tifa directed her anger at Kiba. "Also I joined the Akatsuki so let me go," she glared. Hinata became more pale if that was possible.

"She's been brainwashed. We have to get her to Tsunade quick," Kiba scolded.

Right now as we speak the Akatsuki are running through the creepy forest and let's start the reviews!

{Itachi the time has come!}

"For you to die?"

{No reviews duh!}

"Is now really the time?"

{It is always the right time}

{ _lovelylisha_: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOO! SAVE TIFA! Don't let them get away! Throw stuff at them! Love the story! Can't wait until the next chapter! (Oh and Itachi there are random pies under the desk in the library, throw then at people! It would be funny!)}

{Itachi you get a lot of stuff}

"Hn."

{Say thank you in English not Hn}

" Thank you. I'm sure they will be useful," Itachi nodded politely.

{ _RockerGirlAnime314_: Poor Itachi never gets to use his weapons on the author haha apple juice os

always as good as liquor XD}

"Really. I'm tired of everyone getting drunk off of kid stuff," Itachi sighed. "Also do you readers enjoy our suffering?" he glared at you the reader.

{Dude that was only two people and duh! Why else would they keep reading?}

{ _naruto1305_: Two things itachi your freaking awesome and no I'm not a massive fan girl who looks at personal pics *ahem* your just calm collective a awsome fighter oh yea there's a freakin scroll to take you out of the authors humiliating and I feel sorry for you with kisane even though his sword is freakin awesome}

{Oh boo!}

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

{Everyone is on your side! *pouts*...Hey Ita-kun~}

"What do you want?" he took a step back.

{Do you know why the Easter bunny hides eggs?}

"..."

{Cause he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken}

"... You are messed up in the head."

{Hey! I got that out of a magazine! But it went something along those lines}

"What are you reading?!"

{Hey it's educational but someone registered that joke and it made it in the magazine. _Freedom its2l8_: How did I know..? You ask, well it was just that predictable.

(pst Itatchi I would give you a death note but I want the story to continue so to see the author there is a pair of glasses that allows you to see through the fourth wall it's between war and peace and pride and prejudice. In the library. Good luck) but anyway kami San it's good so far keep up the good work.}

{Thanks! Even though I been having a bad week you guys reviehell here me up and I try to make sure it doesn't affect the story!}

"I will need to get these glasses so I can shot-kill-destroy you," Itachi nodded.

{...}

{ _Mawlie-chan_: Sweet! I knew that Tachi loves Tifa! FANGIRL INSTINCTS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT! I can't wait for your next update! (Kami-sama, I give you permission to dress Itachi as a neko in front of Tifa and the others (That's for not getting the handgun i worked so hard to make! I wanted you to be free so that I can call you Oniisan!) *(-*,) Hahaha!}

"Because of you I was late in getting the handgun," he deadpanned at the sky.

{Eh heh heh? Sorry I can't overstuff a ch! It doesn't flow well like that! Besides you got it now right?}

"Since I have the gun the punishment is cancelled out right? And what's this about me loving Tifa?"

{Well you see the reviewer will pass judgement so wait till next ch. *whispers* you people can't go giving away what happen in last ch to Itachi! What's the point of my awesome jutsu then?!}

"DokuHimeKami. What happened in the last chapter."

{... Man look at the time! On with the story!}

"DokuHime," Itachi said in a warning voice.

{Better yet let's check up on Tifa who's far, far, far, faaaar away from Itachi}

"Let my down you son of a baconator!" Tifa struggled to get herself untied from the rope that bounded her wrist and ankles. Kiba simply raised an eyebrow and Hinata looked worried.

"You do know you're in nothing but a bathrobe right? You shouldn't move too much. Not like you'll get anywhere," he rolled his eyes. Tifa's eyes burned with determination.

"Challenge accepted!" she smirked. She hated be told what she could and couldn't do the most. She ended up slipping off the dog and plummeted towards the ground. The forest had really tall trees and a lot of branches so Tifa got a lot of scratched on the way down. She also crashed into and broke a few thick branches which will result in bruises.

"Are you crazy?!" Kiba barked as Akamaru caught her.

"Don't ever tell me what I can't do," she smirked weakly then passed out.

"Is she okay Kiba?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah,"Kiba snorted and they started to run faster.

They got to a clearing in the woods and stopped.

"They're coming," Hinata said with a scared look. Kiba cussed under his breath.

"Make shadow clones to confuse them," Kiba instructed. They made a few clones and quickly left.

{With the Alatsuki}

"They made clone," Zetsu stated.

"What now?" Kisame looked at Pein.

"Slip up. Looks like they made enough clones for each of us," Pein said. They all nodded and split up.

{Group #1}

"Damn!" Kiba hissed when they got to a dead end. Something fell out of the sky and crashed into the rocks. Hinata, Kiba, and Akamaru barely jumped out the way.

"Give me back my toy," Sasori rose to his feet with wide emotionless eyes. Hinata gulped.

{Group #2}

"You alright Hinata?" Kiba looked down at Hinata.

"I'm fine. You run ahead," Hinata smiled weakly.

"Just get on my back. Hurry before they come-"

"Too late," Kisame stepped out of the shadows with an unwrapped Samehada. "Now hand over my little sister."

"Shit," Kiba whispered.

{Group #3}

"Great we're lost," Kiba mumbled looking around. Akamaru whined."It's okay boy. Hinata?"

"Um. We have to keep moving east," Hinata said pointing in a direction.

"You two ain't going anywhere until you give back Tifa. But since I'm in a bad mood get ready to be turned into art,un," Deidara smirked evilly. Hinata began to shake.

{Group #4}

"Do you think we lost them?" Hinata asked looking at Kiba.

"Not sure," Kiba mumbled.

"I'm tired of your game of hide and seek. Come out," Itachi looked up from the ground at them. They jumped down in their fighting stances. Itachi smirked. "You two should be more than enough for my pent up anger."

{Group #5}

"Kiba I'm scared," Hinata shook.

"Don't worry we'll be okay," Kiba growled.

"I doubt it," Zetsu whispered. Kiba threw a kunai at him but he merged back into the tree.

"Don't think you can get away with taking Tobi's Mommy," Tobi said with a dark aura.

{Group #6}

"So why aren't we following them?" Kakuzu asked.

"Cause we already took care of our clones," Konan sighed taking a sip of tea.

"It's wise not to interrupt them when angered. Better them than me," Pein said. Kakuzu nodded.

{Group #7}

"Shit," Kiba stood up and pulled out a Kunai. "Hinata keep an eye on her."

"But..."

"Give back my wife," Hidan said.

"What does it matter to you?" Kiba growled and Akamaru barked.

Dun Dun Dun! Who is real and who is the clone?

Which Akatsuki found the real Tifa?

Will Tifa ever wake up?

What will happen next?

All these questions are annoying!

Review for the story or I'll be so depress I can't update another ch!

Seriously people I been having a crappy week and the reviews are the only thing helping me so review so I can be motivated to write.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own any Naruto character... Do I have to put a disclaimer up every ch?

{Group #1}

"What the Hell? She's a human not a toy!" barked Kiba. Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Give her back," Sasori repeated as if he didn't hear Kiba.

"Stay back!" Hinata shouted and stood right next to Kiba.

"Hinata. Are you sure?" Kiba looked at her.

"H-Hai!" Hinata looked determined.

"Fine we'll heal her later," Kiba said quietly so the S-ranked ninja couldn't hear. Too bad for them he did.

"You hurt her?!" Sasori shouted. Sure enough when he looked passed the two Tifa's scratched up and bruised body laid unconscious on the ground. "I'll break- no KILL you," Sasori said darkly. "No one breaks my stuff."

Kiba and Hinata took a step back intimidated by the puppet master.

"Hinata take the hostage and run," Kiba whispered.

"But-"

"Now! I can hold him off for a bit but I know we can't win," he hissed. Hinata became more pale. Kiba shot her a glare. She flinched but jumped back to Tifa and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Wrong move. Now I have to kill you," Sasori did a few hand signs and his human body turned into a puppet.

{Group #6}

"Sasori snapped," Konan took a sip of her tea.

"Who's going to calm him down?" Pein asked refilling his teacup.

"I guess I will," Kakuzu sighed setting his teacup down and disappearing.

{Group #1}

Kauzu appeared a few feet away on top of a tree and watched Sasori. He would appear when the time came. But until then he would count his money...

Sasori wasted no time summoning the fourth Kazekage.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow. The fourth already? Sasori must have been very angry. Then he went back to counting money.

"Let's see if you can survive," Sasori smirked. He now understood Hidan's thirst for blood shed.

{Group #7}

Hidan grabbed Tifa in bridal style and set her down against a tree. He quickly took off his cloak and placed it over her. He kissed her forehead before turning back to the leaf ninjas.

"You mother fuckers are dead for kidnapping and hurting her!" he pulled out his scythe and black stick. He was angry and he wouldn't be satisfied until blood was spilled.

{Group #6}

"Should we tell Kakuzu-" Konan was cut off when Zetsu materialized next to her. "What are you doing here? Where's Tobi?"

"You don't want to know," Zetsu shuttered.

"Mmm," Konan pursed her lips feeling slightly worried. It was never a good thing if Zetsu was ever worried or scared.

{ Group #3}

Tobi was currently cackling evilly while riding a unicorn and holding a lollipop he stole from Itachi in one hand. The evil lollipop has taken effect.

"You have messed with Tobi and now will feel Tobi's wrath! Charge Tobi's forest friends!" Tobi laughed like a madman. Every single forest creature surrounded the two leaf ninja and charged at them. Even the pig who now had wings flew at them.

"What the Hell," Kiba stood too shocked to move. Hinata had passed out.

{ Group #6}

"Should we sent someone to get him?" Konan asked.

"It's best if we didn't," Zetsu said putting sugar cubes into his tea. Konan nodded.

"Where's Pein?" she asked looking around.

{Group #2}

Kisame growled as the two leaf ninjas died and was poofed into logs in his water sphere.

"Damn they were clones,"he growled swinging Samehada at a tree breaking the tree into splinters. "And since the girl twisted her ankle it was more boring."

"Kisame," Pein stepped out of the shadows.

"What Leader?" Kisame growled.

"Are you ready for tea?" Pein tilted his head to one side.

Taken back and forgetting his anger he replied," Sure?"

"Come," Pein said walking back into the shadows with Kisame following.

{Group # 6}

Pein and Kisame returned to the others and took their first sip of tea when they heard a boom and the forest shake causing animals to run and fly.

"Seems like Deidara's wrapping things up," Konan said placing her hand on the teacup to stop it from shaking. "Who will retrieve him?" She looked around.

"Kid's crazy," Kismae grinned. Truthfully he enjoyed Deidara's art and the two got along well enough but he just started to drink his tea.

"I will then," Konan deadpanned rather annoyed she had to stop her tea time.

{Group #3}

Deidara laid in the middle of a large crater and panted heavily. Those brats were a little tougher than he thought. He was almost despite enough to even think about using his ultimate jutsu. But knew Tifa would never forgive him if he did. After all when they were watching the anime she was balling and pounding his chest demanding him to never use it.

"Hey Deidara are you dead?" Konan looked down at him and nudged him with her foot.

"Don't kick me like I'm a dead animal,un," he scowled and say up.

"Well what was that stupid grin on your face than?" she said looking around. Within the large crater was tons of little craters.

"I was grinning? Well duh. Look at my art,un," he sweep his arm at the crater. "This Tifa was a clone so I stopped holding back,un," Deidara frowned.

"Mmm. I can tell," Konan helped him to his feet.

"You find her,un?" Deidara asked worriedly.

"No not yet but let's head back to the others," Konan said and her paper wings appeared.

"Right," Deidara smiled summoning a clay bird and hopping on it.

{Group #6}

As Deidara was sitting down Tobi prance out the shadow on a unicorn with wings.

"That the fuck Tobi,un?" Deidara gave him a 'WTF' look.

"Silence and give Sprinkles some tea," Tobi grinned eating his last lollipop.

"Why'd you name him Sprinkles?"Kisame asked.

"Because. He poos sprinkles," Tobi said going back to normal. Deidara, Kisame, Pein, and Zetsu did a spit take while Konan was laughing her ass off and Tobi looked at everyone cluelessly and Sprinkles stood proudly.

"The fuck Tobi,un."

"Itachi is. Well... Showing more emotions...who wants to get him?" Konan wiped a tear from her eye.

"I guess I'm up," Kisame stood up.

{Group #4}

Itachi was laughing like a maniac. He was firing the machine gun at everything. When it ran out of ammo he tossed it o the side. Seeing their chance they threw kunai and shurikens at him which he deflected with his katana. Hinata was daring enough to come at him with a gentle fist but she hit his clone which ravens flew away. Turning around she looked into his eyes and he used Amaterasu and she burst into black flames and screamed.

"Hinata!" Kiba shouted lunging at him at the same time with Kiba. Itachi then used Amaterasu on him and his dog who both howled before being consume by the flames.

"I needed that," Itachi sighed feeling less stressed.

{Kewl beans man but you got the clones}

"Must you ruin my good mood?"

{Hey it's now or when you battle. Your poison man}

{_naruto1305_: Heh heh sorry anyway...itachi there's some booze in the fridge also there's a

gun and glasses that can make you see the author shoot her! Oh and can you hit hidan with the booze bottle and gun to knock him out? Bye}

"Booze...Please do not make anyone drunk DokuHimeKami," Itachi sighed. "And i will perform the request but why do you want me to hit and knock him out?"

{I am kinda curious too but what must be done must be done. That is my motto! I'll think about Itachi since I'm in a good mood}

"You don't have a motto," he muttered.

{ _RockerGirlAnime314_: Heyyyyy i remeber that jimmy neutron. Now all you need are some flyin monkeys to kidnap Tifa mwahaha}

"Will you bring more monkeys into this Oh great one?" Itachi said with so much sarcasm Naruto couldn't miss it.

{Well Oh weasely one I thought about it but no. Since I don't want my story to be too predictable. Thanks for the input thought!}

{ _Mawlie-chan_: OKAY! I will never speak about that incident that never happened! (Itachi, the gun wasn't cancelled. Sorry I got mad and blew a fuse. All I ever wanted was for you and Kami-sama to be friends or at least talk nicely to each other...) (- -,) (Rescue Tifa for me okay?) But still, Kami-sama, dress Itachi as a Neko (catgirl) for me okay? Update soon hahaha! (/)}

"I blame you,"Itachi shot a glare at the sky.

{Oh so it's my fault now? She was going to dress you like that gun or not. So stop pointin fingers Ita-kun}

"I cannot stand you, you simple minded being," he hissed. "Also why do you want the author and me to get along so badly?"

{ You got me but i consider us friends. _Anonyomous'sCuz_:Hello im anonyomous cuzin sorry about her she was on sugar high. Anyways Miss Kami-san you need to be nicer to Itachi-kun and Itachi-kun you should be more nicer to Miss Kami-san. Oh and Kami-san I made a shield to protect you I am now your little sister. Is that ok?}

{Of course you can be my little sister! I always wanted one! And I have been nice to Itachi. Also he has been nice to me before...}

"I guess we get along. I would like to say our relationship is complicated," Itachi shrugged.

{ Agree. _Anonyomous_: Hi Nii-san. Im off my sugar high and now I got a headache! Anyways sorry about feaking you out im not really like that oh and here are some more darts for the tranquilizer gun!}

{You are just showered with gifts huh Itachi? Also I don't mind your sugar high :3}

"I am very thankful for the gifts...imouto..."

{ Awwwww! Kawaiiii! pizzafan123: this is good}

{Thank you! I'm glad you like it!}

"It seems more people are liking this fanfiction," Itachi sighed and shook his head.

{ _pizzafan123_: ok i love the forth wall. oh could you teach me how to speak hn?}

"Why must you all love these sessions? Now there's no chance of her leaving me alone," Itachi Mumbled.

{Well I like how the fourth wall sessions are getting positive feedback. I was worried they be too confused if I added it}

"Hn."

{translation: Hn is a very difficult to learn. It takes years of exposure to even figure out the different tones/ grunts of Hn. Even those who learn it still aren't fluent in it. But here's a book}

{ _Guestisback_: you must write more or you will become zetsus lunch! -horror music- (itachi

maybe if you put ear plugs in your ears you could escape from the author)}

{I have to admit I would not like to get on Zetsu's bad side or on his menu}

"You don't think I tried? Her voice booms through anything but I'm the only one who can hear it," he said with his eye twitching like crazy.

{ _pizzafan123_: one i like pizza but im a girl. this is strange but okay. um, why do you troture itachi with th forth wall think. Here is a dozen gernades. ps. i'm not or will never be a fangirl, yuck!}

"You give HER grenades? Do you want us all to die?" Itachi snapped.

{Well someone's a bad mood... It's not really torture but messing around. If I really hated Itachi I would torture him but since he's my friend I drive him crazy xP}

"I never agreed to befriend an idiot," Itachi deadpanned.

{Tobi}

"He's a coworker not a friend."

{ *Sigh* no point in arguing with an Uchiha so lets move on. _coolnessfighter_:keep up the good work! for me i think its a bit rushed so basicly there are naruto characters in the story and ,do they want tifa or the akatsuki,

will there be other naruto charecters in the story?

(sorry if this is random) do you watch rosario vampire?}

"Story is a bit rushed..."

{Shut it Uchiha. Also the answers to you're questions are yes. They want to rescue Tifa and capture the Akatsuki. Yes more characters will appear. And I watched a few ep. of Rosario Vampire}

"Itachi?" Kisame's voice boomed through the forest.

"Are we done here?" Itachi sighed.

{Yeah. All's left is for you to say it}

"Review and send in request for other Akatsuki members...they have yet to request even after that sample chapter," Itachi smirked.

{Okay for that take this}

Kisame looked at Itachi.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay Itachi? You didn't take a blow to the head right?" Kisame looked at him worriedly.

"I hate you," Itachi looked up at the sky.

{Love you too Ita-kun}

"Um. The rest of us are having tea so let's go," Kisame jabbed his thumb in the direction of the group.

"Hn."

{Group #6}

As Itachi and Kisame appeared in the clearing they saw Kakuzu dragging a tied up Sasori.

"Let me go," Sasori said with a frown now back to being human.

"So I take it you both got the clones?" Konan sipped her tea.

"Hn."

"..."

"I see so that leaves...shit! Hidan," Pein looked up at the rest of the group. The color drained from everyone's faces besides Itachi and Sasori who both were drinking their tea. "Sooo. Who's it gonna be?" Pein asked.

"Maybe he won't kill anyone and bring her back?" Tobi suggested.

"Not a chance," Pein sighed.

"Do we have to leave? I just got my tea," Sasori said

"Hn." Itachi agreed eating a pie.

"You weren't so eager awhile ago when you smashed that leaf girl into the ground and stabbed your poison cord almost through her heart," Kakuzu waved his fork and began to eat his cake.

"I changed my mind," Sasori shot him a glare and ate his cake.

"You're hungry aren't you." Konan stated. Sasori nodded. "Well she was kidnapped during dinner."

"How about we finish up here then find Hidan?" Pein suggested. Everyone agreed.

{Wow you can feel how much they love her -.-}

{Group #7}

"What the Hell?!" Hidan fumed. The two ninjas in front of him collapsed onto the floor. "I didn't even fucking touch you!" He nudged them with his foot.

"Hidan?" Tifa's yawned. Hidan turned around and saw that she sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to sacrifice their shitty asses to Jashin-sama," Hidan pointed the black stick at the two leaf ninja.

"Don't do that!" Tifa's eyes grew big.

"Why the Hell not wench?" he asked looking confused.

"Well I don't really care if Kiba dies but don't kill Hinata. I mean look at how cute she is," Tifa stood up and walked over to him.

{I don't hate Kiba. Kiba fans}

"Cute?" he snorted. "With tits that big she ain't cute," He pointed at the said area on the girl's body.

"Pervert," Tifa rolled her eyes. "Anyway where are the others-"

A booze bottle came in contact with Hidan's face knocking him out.

"What the?" Tifa looked behind her to see the whole Akatsuki.

"My hand slipped," Itachi said in a monotone voice and everyone took a step away from him.

"Tifa!" Deidara hugged her affectionately.

"Um. Hi?" she looked at him.

"That's all you have to say? Even thought I got you some clothes,un?" Deidara pouted.

"Wait what?" she looked down at herself. "Ah shiz," she sighed. Deidara pulled away from her and handed her a tank top that looked a little too short and short shorts. "You're kidding me," she deadpanned.

"Nope! And I even got the cat ears,un!" he held up the cat ears.

"One why were you even in my room and two how did you even know I needed clothes?" she took the only piece of clothing available.

"Hey at least I didn't let Konan pick the clothes,un," Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Point. But next time get something a little bigger than this 'kay?" she sighed.

"So you're giving me permission to go through your clothes,un?" a wide grinned made it's way onto him face.

"No!" she blushed realizing her mistake. Deidara blinked.

"BA-DUM!" went his heart and a very light blush formed on his cheeks.

"I never seen you blush! You look cuter this way,un," Deidara teased making her blush more and his blush die.

"Shut up jerk!" she shoved him.

"Hey! Don't you need to change,un?" he laughed grabbing her hand.

She spotted the cave and walked over to it.

"No one peek or else!" she hissed blushing. Pein guarded the entrance of the cave with his back turned from it. He had his arms crossed over his chest and he glared at the members. They shuffled around until Tifa emerged.

"I hate this," she mumbled.

"Really? Cause I think you look great,un," Deidara smiled. She blushed and looked away.

"What?!" Hidan bolted upright.

"And the idiot awakes," Kakuzu sighed.

"Mommy!" Tobi glomped Tifa.

"What's going on? Why are we in a forest?" Hidan demanded.

"You forgot?" Zetsu asked looking amused.

"Forgot what plant freak?!"

"Tifa was kidnapped," Sasori deadpanned.

"?"

"We saved her," Kisame added.

"?"

"Forget it he lost it after getting hit with the booze," Pein sighed.

"I regret nothing," Itachi smiled. For once he was entertained and could understand why the readers and author enjoyed this.

"Missed ya squirt," Kisame grinned and ruffled her hair.

"Pie?" Itachi handed her a pie and she took it.

"Sit," Sasori said placing his hands and her shoulders and pushing her down. He then started to heal her.

"Thanks Sasori," she smiled. He grunted and continue to heal her.

"Don't ever let anyone hurt you," Sasori said smiling at her. She nodded. They all went home and went to sleep except for Hidan who complained he was hungry.

So I just reread all the previous ch and I have to say there are a lot of spelling errors...I would like to blame my iPod's stupid auto correct. And I'm too lazy to fix them so sorry and deal with it. Review ppl! Who do you want Tifa to end up with? Deidara seems like a popular choice followed by Itachi and Sasori. Sorry ch is so short!


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto everyone knows that so therefore the disclaimer is stupid.

{Itachi!~}

"What do you want?" he sighed.

{Review time! :3}

"Fine. Let's just get this over with," he said.

{ Okay! _RockerGirlAnime314_: Lmao by far the funniest chapter and itachi there is a crossbow in the kitchen cabinet for you a gift for throwing booze at hidan :)}

"Very useful. Thank you,"he smiled.

{ _naruto1305_: Why? Well that as***e needed to have a knock to the head for being mean to Tifa e.g mostly calling get me a sammich wife that s**t so thx if you can do that and when will you get the author -_-}

{8| maybe I made Hidan too sexist. I'll try to tone it down. Srry if it offended anyone}

"You really don't know when you take something to far do you?" Itachi shook his head.

{I said I was sorry! *pouts* now I feel terrible ;A;}

"...I'm not sure when I'll get the author."

{ _coolnessfighter_: nnnnnnnnoooooo! deidara mine!

but if its tifa were talkin about i guess its ok i personaly think she she should go with hidan

itachi if your annoyed please dont leave the story not that you can

hahaha!(evil laughter)!}

"I know I can't leave and it's not funny," Itachi scowled.

{Why do you think she'll be good w/Hidan? Just curious }

{ _Freedom its218_: Tobi's part was epic!(Itachi-san is it possible that Kami-san is speaking with in your mind? If so then I suggest a lot of sound proof walls with in your mind. If not then sorry man I got noth'n except go with the flow.) Keep up the good work Kami-san! Oh my request is this Kisame should watch a youtube snippet of "Les Poissons" from Disneys little mermaid. Thats all.}

{I'm on it!}

"Hm. I guess that can be true. I'll try it after this session," Itachi rubbed his chin.

{ _Guestisback_: auto correct for the lose! btw you should add tobi to the fourth wall sessions and give itachi a break. (and i kinda regret giving itachi the machine gun

o.o")}

{Yeah I think he really hates me a lot O.o *whispers* I'll put him in the next one so y'all send in the little pumpkin questions/requests 'kay? ;D also I'll give Itachi a break}

"I don't hate you. I just get really annoyed with you," Itachi corrected.

{Good to know! Onward with the story!}

Deidara opened Tifa's door quietly and tip toed in. He then jumped on Tifa's bed.

"AHHHHH!" Tifa fell off with a thump. "What the heck Deidara?!" Tifa shouted at the smirking blond.

"Morning. Ready for school,un?" he stopped jumping on the bed.

"No," she groaned falling onto her bed.

"Hey what's wrong,un?" Deidara frowned. She laid Her head back down on the pillow.

"I don't feel so good," she shut her eyes. A second later her eyes snapped open. "What are you doing?" Deidara's forehead was pressed against her's and their lips were cm apart.

"You got a fever,un," he said pulling his forehead away. "Probably since you were outside so long after a shower,un."

"Stupid leaf ninjas," she mumbled.

"You rest and we'll take care of everything,un," Deidara kissed her forehead before running out of the room.

{That's how the ch started out but since I had no Internet till now the flow is off and I'm gonna start it off differently or you guys will be waiting until I get over this writer's block}

"Why?" Tifa asked.

"Cause you have to go to school,un," Deidara said walking down the hall with his hands behind his head.

"No why do I have to go to school with YOU," she sighed.

"Because,un," Deidara smiled.

"Geez that explains everything," she rolled her eyes. They stopped dead in their tracks.

"Hn," Sasuke smirked at the two. Deidara," hands were at his side clenched into fist. He took a step towards Sasuke and Tifa quickly stopped him by placing a hand on his chest and shook her head. His jaws tightened but he nodded.

"What are you doing here Uchiha brat,un?" Deidara growled.

"School why else," he smirked. Tifa narrowed her eyes at him. He was never her favorite and seeing it how Deidara might snap only made her more annoyed. She grabbed Deidara's arm and tried to pull him away. Deidara stayed firmly in place.

"Deidara let's go," she said in a warning tone.

{GRR! Let's check up on Itachi!}

"Oh my god," Kisame looked pale and his eyes stilled glued to the computer screen. "Itachi what did you just make me watch?" Itachi only shrugged and walked away. "Les Poissons..." Kisame mumbled then shutter. "I may eat fish but that was disturbing."

"Can I help you?" Itachi looked up at the ceiling.

{Reviews?}

Itachi frowned. "You seem pissed."

{Yes I hate your oh so lovely and adorable little brother}

"Ah," he nodded. "You aren't a fan?"

{Pish no! He killed Deidara AND you. Why the Hell would I like him! Anyway reviews!}

{_pizzafan123_: gernades was a badidea wasen't it? How about I will give Itachi a flame thrower}

"I see possibilities," Itachi smiled.

{*Gulp* how is a flame thrower better? _Anonyomous_: Hi Nii-kun. You were awesome during that fight. I hope you take author-san down! Ja ne Nii-kun!}

"Thank you and I plan to," Itachi bowed then smirked.

{ Is it just me or does it feel like you're out for blood? _Anonyomous'scuz_:Hello Itachi-kun and Nee-san. Ive never had a Big Sister and eveyone always expects something from me. I stoped being a kid at 7 years of

age because of that. Now my family wants me to be normal so I read fanfiction. Im about to do what Itachi-kun did to his family. Anyways here Nee-chan a book

of spells to keep you safe. Untill next time.}

{Aww thx! And I hear ya. But a massacre is never the answer take it from Itachi}

"Hn." Itachi nodded. "Not a good idea."

{ _lovelylisha_: Please update soon! And Itachi please use the pies I gave you! I don't care if you throw them at people or eat them. But it would be funny if you throw them

at everyone!}

"I'm pretty sure everyone ate the pies at the tea party DokuHime kindly gave us," Itachi said confused and his eyebrows came

together.

{You just thanked me...}

"..."

{...}

"I never said I hated you. And why is this session more calm then the others?"

{You tell me that every session. And that sound wall didn't work did it?}

"I haven't tried because I was not expecting two sessions in the same day," he glared at the ceiling.

{Alright to ...school}

"You say it like it was something vile."

{It is. School kills your brain cells if anything!}

"Right," he rolled his eyes. "It's not the fact that you're stupid and can't stay focus long enough to understand anything."

{You're a big jerk Itachi! And you know what? Just for that you must suffer!}

"..."

{...}

"Well? I'm waiting."

{Oh no. I'm gonna do it when you least expect it so it will be hilarious!}

"I do believe you have gone insane."

{Psh! I knew that a loooong time ago my little weasel}

"Do not temp me to kill you DokuHime."

{Riiiight. Like you could. It's not like I would appear in the story and you COULD kill me.}

Itachi gritted his teeth together.

{Love you too Itachi! Now to our love birds...at least until the reviewers ask differently}

Tifa glared at the two boys who looked away innocently.

"Would one of you care to explain why I'm in detention...AGAIN?" Tifa said with a deadly aura the boys choose to ignore or couldn't feel it. She knew it wasn't the latter.

"Chibi Itachi here can't take a beating,un," Deidara looked out the window and rested his cheek on his hand.

"I think you are forgetting you also got beat," Sasuke glared at the blond. Deidara's head snapped in Sasuke's direction and sparks were coming out of their eyes.

"Sasuke!" Naruto jumped towards the Uchiha who was so occupied in the glaring contest he didn't noticed the blond.

"Sasuke-kun!" SAkura looked like a kicked puppy.

"Hn," Sasuke said still in a glaring contest with Deidara.

"What are you two doing here?" Tifa demanded.

"Oh we took over. But if you follow us willingly it would be great," Sakura smiled.

Tifa rolled her eyes. Hinata was the most likely to get Tifa to waver but she hated the pinkette for killing Sasori and how desperate she was.

"Fluck off fangirl," Tifa scowled.

"Now just take that 'l' out of fluck and you would have cussed for real,un," Deidara smirked pulling the girl onto his lap.

"Don't you flirt with my Sasuke-kun!" Karin shouted from the other side of the window. Tifa rolled her eyes. Great more fangirls. Just what she needed. Feeling a little drained she rested against Deidara. He tensed up but relaxed.

"You alright,un?" Deidara whispered in her ear sounding a bit worried.

"People," she sighed and closed her eyes.

"Karin,Sssssssuigetsu, Jugo. I told you to wait at the basssse," the teacher hissed. Tifa's eyes snapped opened. Oroachimaru was a teacher here. A pedophile was a teacher.

"I don't see why we need that slut. I'm a great healer," Karin snorted. Deidara tensed up with anger. Tifa didn't understand why he got so angry. They weren't making fun of him.

"Slut my butt. You "try" to seduce Sasuke by taking off your glasses. Like I would make you less ugly," Tifa air quoted the word try. Karin gave her a warning look. "Blitch please. I know for a fact you cannot fight to save that ugly ass of yours," Tifa said acting all black. Deidara smirked. Oroachimaru glared at the trio outside.

"Leave," Hissed Oroachimaru. They left but not before Karin blowing Sasuke a kiss. Tifa gagged and Sakura snapped the table in half since she was gripping it so hard. Oroachimaru looked at Tifa like she was a creature he wanted to dissect. She mentally shivered and leaned closer to Deidara. He frowned down at her but wrapped his as protectively around her. Tifa knew Oroachimaru was a pedophile who wanted Sasuke but seeing him in real life right in front of her made her realize how afraid she was of him.

"I'll protect you,un," Deidara mumbled into her ear. She only nodded. Naruto was trying to fight Sasuke while Sakura was holding him back and looked at Sasuke with a sad look.

{I have to do this}

"Naruto! Sasuke! Everyone knows you two are gay for each other so just hook up already!" Tifa said nonchalantly. A second later Tifa's eyes widen in shock. Everyone was looking at her.

"That wasn't me." she said still shocked.

{Sorry love but I couldn't resist! XD}

"DokuHime why do you bully your own creations?" Itachi said resting both arms on the window sill.

{Oh boo! You shouldn't be here!}

"I sensed a disturbance in the universe."

"Brother," Sasuke scowled drawing his sword.

{Isn't it illegal to carry a weapon to school?}

"Hello foolish little brother," Itachi said not looking at him and turned to Deidara. "Leader was wondering why you two weren't home yet."

"What else?"

"I hope my little brother isn't too much of a problem," Itachi took Tifa's hand and kissed her knuckle.

"Don't ignore me!" Sasuke leaped at Itachi with the sword. Itachi simply side stepped him. "How? I was better last time!"

Itachi looked at Sasuke coldly. "You weren't I simply let you have a chance. But since I no longer want you to kill me I won't hold back...Deidara. Tifa," Itachi nodded at them then disappeared.

"So. Are you comin with us?" Sakura asked Tifa.

"As if," she rolled her eyes and Deidara pulled her out of the classroom when the bell rang.

"So not only are Konoha ninjas there but Oroachimaru," Pein frowned.

"What do we do?" Sasori asked.

"What else? Deidara can protect Tifa as long as he isn't trying to kill Sasuke," Konan said.

"Sasori you will be a teach at the school and do will you Itachi," Pein instructed.

"Um. Sending the two level headed ones to school isn't a bad idea but there won't be anyone to keep my house from being destroyed by the other people," Tifa said.

"Hey!" a lot I them shouted.

"Well too bad. What I say is law," Pein shrugged. "Besides the sea monkeys have been helpful." He waved a hand at one who was cleaning.

"How do you get so may minions to not only follow you but take everything you say to their very soul?" Itachi mumbled.

{What can I say? I love my minions. I told the world what they really are not single cell organisms}

"Starting tomorrow Itachi and Sasori will go to your school," Pein said then went to the kitchen.

"Deat Kami help me," Tifa mumbled.

{No can do Tif-tif-chan!}

I'm so sorry everyone. I had no Internet till today so I couldn't type or update. I know it's a pretty boring ch and I apologize. Anyway review cause Tobi's gonna be in the next ch 4th wall breaking session! X3


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: For all the idiots who tell me I have to have a disclaimer. I. Do. Not. Own. Naruto.

A shadow moved it's way into the library.

{Ah Tobi!}

"Who are you?" Tobi tilted his head to one side and looked up at the sky.

{Ka-KAWAIIIIII! I would hug you if I could! XD}

"Lady in the sky is scaring Tobi," Tobi's eyes darted around the sky.

{Oh sorry hun! *Eh em* I am the great, powerful, almighty, and awesome DokuHimeKami!-}

"Can Tobi call pretty voice lady Voice Lady?" Tobi put a finger to his lip and did the puppy eyes.

{Of course! Anything you want!}

"Yay! Voice lady is so nice!" he smiled and flailed his arms around.

{*fangirl heart attack* author is dead*}

"Voice lady?" Tobi looked up at the sky worriedly.

[Clear!]

{ *Shock* I'm alive! I'm okay! What happened? Oh hey Akuma!}

[Baka! How can you fangirl over your version of Tobi?*scowl*]

{But he so cute! *pouts* let it be known I adore cute Tobi not the one in the real manga or anime. Just the cute fanfic ones where you see his cute childish face}

[And now I will be leaving. Don't cause trouble]

{Okie dokie!}

"Um who was that?" Tobi asked.

{Akuma-chan but she doesn't matter. Today Tobi will answer reviews okay?}

"Okay Voice Lady!"

{First up Anonyomous'scuz:Hello Itachi-kun Nee-san. Thanks for the advice. By the way Itachi-kun if you want you can call me Melody (not my real name something my

friend calls me). Im sorry for what you went through im only 13 and im thinking of doing what you did. But if you say no then I wont.}

{Do you people even read the author's note? I remember telling everyone Tobi would be here since I'm giving Ita-kun a break. But fear not Itachi will get your message :3}

"I'm glad you are not planning to do what I did Melody. DokuHime I hope you know this does not mean you can start an advice session," Itachi deadpanned in his sleep.

{PSH! Of course not! I suck with advice! My tends to be beat them up or mess with their heads...also he can hear me in his sleep? O.o}

"Wait. Are you saying you the great Kami-San is BAD at something?" he mumbled.

"Tobi didn't know Itachi could talk in his sleep," Tobi poked Itachi in the face.

{Your sarcasm was not appreciated but yeah I suck at a lot of things so piss off Ita-kun and I didn't know either Tobi...}

{naruto1305: Heh sorry I was on sugar high then but I really do like your story and itachi ive got 2 question so the first question when your not doing missions with the akatsuki what do you do is it trying to avoid tobi? -_- now the second one how are your eyes now that there fixed? Hope their doing well so please answer and

I'll give you a silencer so you can't hear the author which would be nice}

"Well I naturally avoid Tobi but I train and like to read. Tifa did a great job healing me. I almost forgot what good vision was like," Itachi mumbled.

"Um. Why is Tobi here Voice-chan?"

{A promise my dear pumpkin face. Also I'm sure Itachi would appreciate if you told him where the silencer is ;)}

"Voice-chan is very nice!" Tobi smiled.

{At least someone understands!}

[Psh! I thought you were going to give Itachi a break?]

{Hey. Most if not all of these reviews are for him. I don't want to read his stuff behind his back. And why are you here?}

[To get screen time. To wazzup little readas! If Tifa needs a whack hit me up! Peace!]

"..."

{...}

[Can I do the next review?]

{If you leave right after}

[Anonyomous: Anonyomous:That was good I also hate sasuke but not sakura she is a good

person.*Softly*My cuz, Melody, tried to hide her tears, so she didnt look weak, for the Akatsuki. Her and her friend are going to make a group in high

school called the akatsuki to advenge them im one of their spys not a real member but I dont care her and her friend are the only members so far Melodys

leader and her friend is hidan of their group so yeah! See you soon!]

{I wish I did that! But then I had a grudge against one and none of my friends knew about the Akatsuki TT^TT}

"That sounds like fun! Tobi think that is a great idea! Tobi want to try!"

{Tobi you are in the Akatsuki}

"Oh...Tobi knows! Cause Tobi's a good boy!"

{ Freedom its2l8: Poor Tifia- chan having to go to school with the evil chicken but head from hell. Though I think Itachis real brother was swapped with somebody else. hey it could be sai for all we know. Stupid Root. Anyways THANK YOU KAMI SAN FOR

UPDATING. (if you are hearing this from Kami-san then I guess it failed. But any ways thank you itachi for showing kisame the vid. there's a remote control thats from The movie Click hidden beneath the cushions of the couch. HAve

fun!) Oh if only tin hats worked. next request is for Hidan to watch 6 hours of barney duck taped to the chair.}

"Tobi is a good boy and will tell Itachi when he wakes up!" Tobi smiled at the readers.

{Guestisback: Y-You dont know w-what you did adding Orochimaru to the story along with

Sasuke...he will rape Sasuke and everyone other boy!}

"...Oroachimaru is a bad man."

{Yes he is...and am I responsible if he rapes someone?...}

"Tobi don't think do but Voice Lady won't let Tobi get raped right?" he looked up at the sky worriedly.

{No one will EVER rape any of the Akatsuki in my story}

"Yah!"

{Next! Unicorns:love ur story XD

u read Anima?! me too! X3 33333

i think u should have Deidara in the 4th wall thing lol}

{Heh heh heh. I been waiting for this. Deidara beware you are next. All for the readers and reviewers}

"Um. Voice Lady? Tobi is scared and are you going to hurt sempai?"

{Don't worry Tobi I'm just gonna preform the reviewers request}

"Oh. Okay! Everyone send in request and questions for sempai!"

{Unicorn:i want Tobi in the 4th wall thing :]}

"But Tobi is already here," Tobi said confused.

{Unicorns:are u gonna have more leaf village ppl be in this story? :3

i think that Hidan found Tifa, she would wake up someday lol, and .. idk}

{Yes Hidan found Tifa and I think so}

"Tobi think Voice Lady shouldn't push herself."

{Aww! How sweet! Unicorns:i was right .. i think? i love Tobi X3 3333 i give Tobi more lollipops XD}

{I'm not sure that's a good idea...}

"Yay! Tobi was looking for these!" Tobi laughed crazily and eyed his treasure.

{...Unicorns:SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 333333 dont kill him! plz ;A; yes finally Tobis gonna be int the 4th wall! XD u should have Deidara in the

thing too :]}

{A lot of Deidara *grins slowly}

A loud bang was heard and everyone bolted awake.

"What are you doing in my room Tobi?" Itachi narrowed his eyes at Tobi.

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi shouted and ran out the room. Itachi placed his head in one hand and shook his head.

"What was that?!" Tifa shouted bursting into the backyard.

"Don't look at me,un," Deidara said.

Outside a few limp sea monkeys rained from the sky.

"What the Hell is this?!" Hidan shouted what all the members were thinking.

"Oh Eee!" a monkey spoke putting one arm up. Everyone looked at Itachi to translate. Sensing eyes on him he closed his book and glared at everyone.

"I do not speak monkey," he said and went back to reading.

"I am not cleaning this up," Tifa said.

"I just want to know what happen,un," Deidara scratched the back of his head.

"Un huh. Oh! Okay. Wow. Sprinkles is so smart," Tobi nodded at Sprinkles. Who seem to be gloating.

"Tobi...what are you doing?" Sasori asked Tobi.

"Oh Sprinkles was telling Tobi why sea monkeys were falling from the sky," Tobi smiled.

"You speak monkey?" Kakuzu asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nooooo. Tobi is a horse whisperer," Tobi puffed out his chest proudly. "Sprinkles speaks all the languages of the animal kingdom," Tobi added and Sprinkles had a smug look on his face.

"What did the horse say Tobi?" Pein asked.

"Unicorn!" Tobi shouted and Sprinkles nee at Pein harshly.

{Let's just say Sprinkles can hear me and we can understand him neh?}

'Stupid human! I am a unicorn not a horse! I should stomp you to death for that insult! Stupid carrot top pierced face freak!' Sprinkles glared daggers at Pein.

{Hey Sprinkles! Kinda dark for a unicorn aren't you?}

'Hello DokuHimeKami. And no unicorns are naturally dark. We aren't the stupid sunshine, pansy, glittery shit humans twisted us into,' Sprinkles snorted.

{I know right? Unicorns are one of the toughest, smartest, and powerful animals ever. Yes more so than dragons and dinosaurs}

'Thank you for clearing that up Kami-sama,' Sprinkles tipped his head slightly.

{No prob. So still hate humans?}

'Yes but there are a few exceptions. Like that man child named Tobi. He worships me and believes everything I say.'

{Well I think I should get back to the story before I stray too much}

'Yes you should. It's always nice to talk to you HimeKami. And that Itachi fellow should be more nice to you.'

{ :D }

"Are you sure you two have to be teachers in my school?" Tifa asked looking at Sasori and Itachi.

"They will because we can't afford to let you fall into the wrong hands," Pein said.

"You guys are S-ranked criminals...I'm already in the wrong hands," Tifa deadpanned.

"You know what we mean," Konan looked at her nails.

Since the author remembered something and didn't want Tifa to suffer to the point of insanity and causing the story to end Tifa got an idea.

"Oh!" Tifa's face lite up and a second later there was a poof.

'Why are we here?' both sides of Zetsu growled.

'Bitch! I was watching tv!' Hidan shouted.

'Fine,' Tifa rolled her eyes. A second later screams could be heard from a corner of her brain along with the Barney song.

'What did you do?' Kisame asked.

'Well Hidan is forced to watch Barney somewhere in my head but since I don't want to hear his screams I'm just gonna tune him out,' Tifa thought and instantly it was quiet.

"Why is Tobi and me the only one not in your head,un?" Deidara asked pointing at an evil Tobi who was currently holding a lollipop.

"Well you are enrolled in school and I want Tobi to hold down the fort," Tifa explained.

'... You just don't want to hear him screaming in your head,' Kona said.

"Yeah," Tifa sighed.

'I demand to be released this instant,' Pein deadpanned.

'I second that,' Sasori said bitterly.

'Me too,' Kakuzu mumbled.

'Squirt I love you and all but not enough to stay in your head...ever,' Kisame said.

'Hn.' three guesses on who said that.

'Why am I a threat to the house?' both Zetsu stated.

'Hmmm.' "Well I guess you can keep an eye on Tobi and report to me when something happens," Tifa tapped her chin. A second later there was a poof, a cloud of smoke, and when it cleared Zetsu was there.

'Hey! Why are we here?!' Kisame fumed.

'Can you morf into the ground, sense approaching threats, or take less than a second to report to me without people seeing you?'

'...'

'Yeah I thought so. Also now I'm guarded for the whole time at school,' Tifa thought.

'I guess you do have a point,' Pein sighed.

'I always wanted to examine the inside of your head,' Sasori sounded curious.

"Yeah let's not go there and everyone mine their own business," Tifa said not sure if her idea was that good anymore.

"Come on,un. We're gonna be late," Deidara rolled his eyes and dragged her out the front door.

"Tobi I'm counting on you!" Tifa called out.

"Fear not queen of this castle! For I, Sprinkles, the sea monkey army, and a few other woodland creatures will destroy any and all good that comes near!" Tobi had a crazy look in his eye as he sat on top of Sprinkles who stomped on his front hoof and nodded in agreement. The sea monkeys cheered. "Dear lord what have I done?" Tifa said a look of horror on her face.

"Too late now,un," Deidara mumbled.

At school the enemy seemed to double. Now instead of just Naruto and Sakura there was also Hinata, Neji, Lee, Sai, and Yamato. Sasuke and Oroachimaru now had Suigetsu here. And surprise! Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro were here also.

"And how is the school okay with this?" Tifa waved at Sakura's pink hair, Gaara's red hair, Suigetsu's sword, Kankuro's puppets, Temari's fan, and Gaara's gourd.

"Great more freaks like that weird, emo prude," a guy mumbled walking by.

'Great. Of course they group anything that isn't like them into my group,' Tifa growled.

"Gaara! What are you doing here?!" Naruto grinned.

"The sand will provide the Leaf with assistance," Gaara nodded.

Tifa had a stupid smile on her face.

"Um earth to Tifa,un?" Deidara waved a hand in front of her face.

"Oh huh?" Tifa looked dazed.

'I feel like you have an attachment with the boy?' Sasori said slightly amused.

'Stop feeling my emotions. And Gaara is cool. No attachments. Just a lot of respect.'

'Kind of hard to when it's running through your whole brain,' Kisame snorted.

{Not gonna lie had a huge crush on Gaara when he was crazy but now the Akatsuki are all I think about :3}

"H-Hello T-Tifa-San," Hinata bowed and slightly blushed.

"Hi Hinata," Tifa smiled back feeling super happy.

"Tifa,un," Deidara growled tightening his grip on Tifa's hand and pulled her back slightly.

'This will be a problem if you decide to join them cause of a girl,' Pein emphasize the word girl.

'Hey!'

'Money is all you need to be happy not human attachment,' Kakuzu grumbled.

"So this is the chick? Doesn't look like much,' Kankuro sneered. Tifa took a menacing stepped toward his and flared her chakra.

'Woah!' Konan said feeling Tifa's anger flare.

"Tifa," Deidara said again.

"Shut the Hell up you beep," Tifa glared.

"Beep?" Temari raised an eyebrow.

"Yes beep. I don't cuss," Tifa said.

"Hell," Kankuro pointed out.

"Ass," Sasuke said.

"One that's a place and the other is a body part so it's not a cuss word," Tifa explained.

'So wouldn't fuck be like reproduction? And shit your waste?' Itachi asked.

{Bwhahahahahaha! Itachi you're killing me! I never hear you cuss!}

"I'm not comfortable with those explanation,' Tifa thought.

"Tifa. Detention," Oroachimaru hissed.

"What?! I didn't even do anything!" Tifa shouted. Oroachimaru raised an eyebrow.

"Would you like another one?" he smirked.

"No," Tifa mumbled.

"Tifa let's hurry to class," Hinata said quietly and looked at Tifa with doe like eyes.

"'Kay," Tifa smiled and ran after the girl.

"This is gonna be a problem,un," Deidara mumbled.

"No shit," Suigetsu said. The two glared at each other before running off.

"Hello ugly princess," Sai smiled at Tifa. Deidara leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms over his chest and smirked.

"Hi Sai!" Tifa laughed. Deidara nearly fell out of his chair.

"What was that,un?!" Deidara shouted.

"What?" Tifa asked.

"He called you ugly! Why aren't you beating him up,un?!" Deidara fumed.

"Well one that's his way of saying he wants us to be friends. Two he's not good at nicknames and he's painting me!" Tifa pointed at a drawing.

Deidara sweat dropped.

"Can I have it when you're done?" Tifa asked. Sai nodded. "Oh and don't insult people when you give them a nickname," Tifa added. More nodding.

"Come with me," Sasuke said standing right in front of Tifa. The laughter from Tifa instantly disappeared and she glared at Sasuke. Deidara spring into action. Leaping into a fighting position between the two.

"Getting a little bold Itachi chibi,un," Deidara smirked earning him a glare from Sasuke.

"Dude I'm not a fangirl. Do you think all girls like you? If you do get off your high horse," Tifa glared at Sasuke.

'Burn!' Kisame smirked.

{Let's go visit Tobi since school is getting too boring for me}

Outside it looked completely normal but inside a war was raging.

"Commander Zetsu! Come in do you read Tobi!" Tobi shouted into a walkie talkie as he ducked behind the knocked over coffee table.

"Sprinkles!" Tobi shouted seeing the unicorn charge toward the intruders. A giant cannon ball fell from the sky and rolled towards Tobi. Tobi barely got out of the way as the cannon ball crushed the coffee table.

"What the Hell is wrong with this McMansion?!" Zetsu shouted and threw grenades. One sea monkey stepped on a lose piece of flooring and darts came out from every direction.

"Captain Tobi! Where is back up?!" Zetsu shouted picking up a passed out sea monkey.

"Tobi doesn't know!" Tobi shouted as two mallet came down from either side of the intruders but they jumped out of it's way just in time.

"We don't have any choice! We have to use it!" Zetsu shouted.

"No! Sprinkles says it's too dangerous!" Tobi shouted as he set off a machine gun.

The intruders had climb out of the pit trap with poison spikes still untouched from the bottom.

"We don't have a choice! It's our only hope!" Zetsu shouted. Tobi set down the gun.

"It will destroy us," Tobi said as an explosion went off behind him.

"The battle ship in the pool is gone. We are losing so many sea monkeys. The raining cows and pigs with sharpie drawn wings have creased. And Sprinkles..." Zetsu cut off his sentence. The evil maniac look slowly slipped off of Tobi's face.

"Do it," Were Tobi's only words as he looked away scornfully.

"Tobi is sorry Voice Lady. Tobi has failed you," Tobi looked up at the sky as rain slowly started to fall.

Zetsu coiled his hand around a dangling rope and with a angry sigh he pulled the rope and a chute in the McMansion opened and ...

Cliffy! I will tell y'all I will not update when I don't feel good because from then on the story will slowly cause me to go into a writer's block and eventually to me abandoning the story.

Review! And Deidara will be in the next 4th wall session!


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Me no own Naruto

{Hello Deidara}

"Who the Hell are you,un?" Deidara shouted nearly falling out of his chair. A poof and he was sitting in a comfy recliner.

{Hey! I am DokuHimeKami! And you will treat me with respect!...Let's give a round of applause to Deidara folks! *whistling, clapping, and cheering was heard*}

"So Itachi wasn't crazy,un," Deidara mumbled.

{ No sir re! Freedom its2l8: hi Deidara just wanted to tell you that there is no such thing as true art. Just a persons point of view and their opinions. Anyway Kami-sama what the heck is going on in the mansion. Besides a war zone? I'm so confused.}

"Well I admit I do acknowledge other forms of art but to me I believe true art is a bang. People tend to favor a certain one and that just what i happen to favor,un," Deidara crossed his hands over his chest and shrug.

{Spoken like a true artist Freedom its218!}

"What does that person mean it's a war zone at the mansion,un?" Deidara raised an eyebrow and looked up at the ceiling.

{You are taking this rather well aren't you Dei-kun?*whispers* well it is a war zone because intruders were there* I'm surprise you are confuse taking this whole fanfic is crazy but yeah remember how Tifa said something about booby trapping her house?}

"Don't call me that,un! And why am I here?"

{Requests. Duh!}

"Are you crazy,un?"

{*sigh* how many times do I have to repeat myself? Note I hate repeating myself but since I love the Akatsuki I will. Yes I know I'm on a certain level of crazy and I embrace it! XD}

{SDI:OK... Akatsuki members she should end up with...

As gifts 4 appearing in my top 3 choices...

Sasori, u get a free puppet of Tifa;Deidara a ton of clay and Itachi u get an electric chair 2 shock Hidan with. Hope you like it! *Giggles*}

{E GASP!}

"What,un?" Deidara jumped in his recliner.

{I forgot Itachi!}

With a poof and the smoke cleared Itachi as sitting in his recliner.

"Where am I?" Itachi glared at the ceiling. Thousands of whistles, cheering, clapping, and screams could be heard before it died down.

{Hey there's a third recliner there so just...}

"Okay I'm here y'all! The famous DokuHimeKami is in the house!"

DokuHimeKami has waist long dark brown almost black hair and same color eyes. Skin is a little pale and is 5'1".

"You are a lot shorter than I thought," Itachi mumbled.

I shot Itachi a glare. "Shut it weasel. Don't forget I am the god that controls your very existence in this fanfic."

"I can't believe you were telling the truth,un," Deidara looked beyond shocked. "Thanks for the gift,un!" Deidara smiled at the reviewer.

"An electric chair... Would you mind sitting in it DokuHime?" Itachi smiled evilly at me.

"Look dudes I'm trying out if being in the 4th wall breaking session room or 4WBSR for short is a good idea or is too confusing."

I look at all the readers. "Hey my lovely readers comment 'bout it k? Cause I'm not planning on doing it next time. And no I won't sit in the electric chair Itachi," I sighed.

"Perhaps another time," Itachi sighed knowing he couldn't lift a finger to me in this room.

I snapped my fingers and Sasori appeared looking around wide eyed. I shoved the puppet in his hands and snapped in his face twice and he disappeared. "So moving on!" I smiled happily.

"Um," Deidara said pointing in the place where Sasori was.

"Oh don't worry about it! One snap was to wipe his memories and the second sent him back!" I smiled waving my hand.

"That sounds familiar," Itachi mumbled with his eyebrows drawn together.

"Ha ha ha...Next up is Guest: Thx for answering :) anyway I like reading too it's a good past time don't you think and here's the silencer I promised it's in the kitchen cubored and what do you think of kisame and I know a secret no one knows about you itachiheh heh OREO'S ! :D.

"I can't wait to get my hands on it," Itachi smiled evilly. "Also I would like to say Kisame is a good partner. He doesn't slack off, doesn't talk too much and I would like to say he's my best friend"

"That was so touching," I sniffed and wiped away an invisible tear.

"Also, what secret?" Itachi deadpanned and gave me a look.

"So Deidara want to do the next review?"

"Why should I,un?" he grunted.

"Did you just say no to me?" I stood up and walked over to him. I loomed over him and had a face of pure, calm, slightly pissed off face/aura.

"N-no?" he cowered in the recliner.

"Good! Now say it," I smiled then said in a demonic voice.

Deidara gulped and said," coolnessfighter:tobi in your universe is so cute!just wanted to say that."

We all had a straight face on then I was rolling on the floor and laughing my ass off.

"That was rich! I'm dying! I can't believe you said that Dei-kun!" I gasped for air.

"You knew,un," he glared down at me. "Don't call me Dei-kun,un."

"No I didn't. Even when I'm not thinking about doing stuff to you guys it still happens! I love you readers! And I love Tobi too! And I'll make sure Tobi knows too," I smiled looking at the readers and whipping away my tears.

" Anonyomous'cuz:Oops sorry about not reading ending note I was not focusing. Anyways I hope sprinkels doesnt die I like evil unicorns. And Deidara-san

better be nice to you Nee-san or else I will make sure he becomes a real girl," Itachi said quickly.

"Wow aren't we eager," I smiled at the annoyed Uchiha.

"You are wasting too much of my time," he rolled his eyes.

"Hey! Why do I have to become a girl?! Why not Itachi, un?!" Deidara fumed and earned a glare from Itachi.

"Perhaps it's your female hairstyle," Itachi said coolly but full of venom.

"Well there was this one time-" I began but Itachi shot me a look. "Fine," I sighed.

"A promise is a promise DokuHime and if you are anything you are a woman of your word," Itachi stated so coldly his words were like ice.

"I don't remember a promise but you're right. Also I would never make Sprinkles die off! Have you seen how much he respects me? Unlike a few people in this fanfic," I looked at Itachi.

"How you got their respect is as possible as money growing on trees. No sane person or thing would actually respect a idiotic and bottom of the gene pool CHILD like you," Itachi said back.

"Ouch. That was harsh even for you Itachi,un," Deidara wince.

"You see what I have to deal with?" I looked at Deidara and waved my hand at Itachi.

"Can we move along? I

Sure by now your readers are tired of this," Itachi cut in.

"Fine," i snapped then said," Anonyomus:Haha! I liked the ending it was funny!Yay! Dei-chan is coming into the story! I love you Dei-chan!"

"Thanks,un?"

"Hey! You're loved be nice! They are the people who Tifa will end up with," I snapped.

"Really?" Deidara smiled sitting up.

"No bribing dude. Story has to flow naturally," I sighed.

"Yes like raining animals and such weirdness is natural," Itachi said in such a sarcastic voice he seemed almost OOC.

"I will say it again. Your. Sarcasm. Is. Not. Needed."

"Sooo. You all know who to vote-"

"Can it Dei-kun. I don't want things to get fucked up," I growled and covered his mouth.

"Mmph!"

"Anyway since this took so long and I'm in a good mood. I will make this a Chapter and let you read a really, really, realllly short ch," I smiled.

"You're kidding me," Itachi said.

"What did I tell you?" I put my hands on my hips.

"..."

"I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this Itachi, un," Deidara smirked at Itachi.

I clapped my hands together and shouted," Secret Technique: Memory Lose Jutsu!" A huge poof and they were gone.

"I hope you all like the 4WBSR and hope you all continue to support me and review," I closed my eyes and curtsy to the readers.

"Also I might let one of you appear in a chapter so review and I'll decide who pops up. PM me your description," I smirked with an evil glint in my eye.

Itachi glared from Tifa's eyes up at the ceiling.

"What are you glaring at,un?"

"You wouldn't understand," Itachi mumbled.

Deidara shivered. "It's creepy how you're speaking with Tifa's voice,un."

"Hn."

{Translation: Hn...wow it actually means 'Hn' anyway the second part: DokuHimeKami that jutsu of yours didn't work on me...}

{Aw shit. Oh well on with le story!...Never mind I have to upload this now like I promised! Sorry ACT is screwing with my typing time and I don't want you all waiting till Sunday}


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I own nothin in Naruto

A loud boom could be heard from the McMansion and the vibrations shook the whole school.

"What was that?!" Tifa jumped to her feet and looked out the window. Deidara shrugged. "Maybe I should go home," Tifa started to sound worried.

'If there was a problem Zetsu would have contacted us,' Pein said.

"What do you mean you won't give me a detention,un?!" Deidara's voice snapped Tifa out of her conversation with Pein.

"Like I ssssssaid Iwa I don't sssssee why I would give you a detention," smirked Oroachimaru.

"I blew up you stupid snake,un!" Deidara had an anime vein. Oroachimaru's eye twitched and he was frowning but a second later his face morphed into a happy one.

"Asssssidents happen," Oroachimaru was trying to say the sentence without choking on the words. Deidara still fuming walked over to Tifa.

"You tried to get detention?" Tifa raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't mind trading places."

"I only want to go to make sure they don't touch you, un," Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Relax I'll be fine-"

"Sasuke detention," Hissed Oroachimaru. Sasuke shrugged and both him and Oroachimaru smirked at Tifa. Tifa shivered.

"Okay I admit I do not want to be in the same room as the gay pedophile," Tifa rubbed her arms.

"Apparently everyone but me can get detention today,un," Deidara frowned watching Hinata, Neji, Sai, and Suigetsu walked into the room escorted by Yamato.

"What happened to the sand siblings, Naruto, and Sakura?" Tifa asked.

"Mission wasn't safe for the tailed beast holders so they had to be escorted back," everyone chorused then looked at each other wide eyed.

"Ooooookay. That was creepy," Tifa took a seat in the corner of the room.

"H-hello Tifa-San," Hinata smiled nervously and Neji nodded.

"Hey -!" Tifa froze mid-sentence.

"SOMEONE IS MESSING WITH MY MONEY!" Tifa's voice roared. Her iris was green and her eye were pink. Everyone jumped in their seat and looked at her shocked.

Tifa then threw open the window and jumped out.

"Gotcha,un!" Deidara smirked as Tifa landed on his clay bird.

'What is going on?' Pein demanded.

'Ugh. He just took over,' Tifa sounded like she had a headache.

"No one messes with my money," Kakuzu said darkly. "Get home now."

Deidara gulped but nodded. The bird took off at lightening speed.

When the house got into view Tifa jumped off the bird and the strangest thing happened. There was a poof, smoke, Kakuzu crashing through the roof and the rest of the Akatsuki falling,and Tifa was unconscious and plummeting to her death.

"Tifa!" Deidara shouted trying to fly towards her. A black blur grabbed Tifa and crashed into the house.

"What is going on?!" Konan said looking at the fire coming out of the windows.

"Let's go," Itachi mumbled running towards the house. The rest nodded and started to run.

Sadly for Itachi an Konan since they were ahead of everyone else they feel into a pit trap that immediately sealed itself. The others looked at it for a second.

"Won't Kona be mad when she gets out?" Kisame asked.

Pein gulped. "Let's leave her down there until she cools off." The others nodded and ran further into the house.

{At the bottom of the pit trap}

"HEY! GET ME OUT?!" Konan hammered the door.

"Why the heck do you have a swamp under the McMansion?" Itachi shook his head in his hand.

{No the basement is under the house. The trap drops you in the swamp waaaaay under the house}

"Again why?"

{Dude if the house was under a swamp it would sink}

"But wouldn't the house sink anyway since there is a swamp and a air pocket under the base?"

{Dude I have a battle ship in the pool, a unicorn, raining farm animals/ pots and pans/cars/grenades, sea monkeys, a magic couch that transport your weapons from reviewers, and a who lot of other shit. I think this story defies logic to the point of no return so just roll with it}

"Itachi quit talking to yourself and help me get out of here!" Koan demanded flying a few inches above him. Itachi narrowed his eyes at the ceiling.

"SNAP!" went a crocodiles.

"What the Hell?!" Konan shouted nearly getting bite by one.

"Why are alligators in the swamp?!" Itachi scowled jumping away from a swarm.

{Crocodiles! They're more deadly and dangerous! They attack humans! Get it right geez Itachi!}

"Right I'm sorry that I was too busy trying not to get my head snapped off to tell the difference," he rolled his eyes. "And let me guess. You looked it up so you knew what to put in the story."

{ :D}

"Itachi do something! They won't die!" Konan growled as she cut up another Crocodiles only to have it come back to life like it was never touched.

"DokuHime," Itachi said in a warning tone.

{Yeah they're zombie crocodiles. Did you really think they could live so long under a house with our food or light?}

"I thought you said this fanfic defied logic," he hissed.

{My story my rules. Even if the rules are constantly changing}

"Just get us out of here!" he snapped.

{No can do this is the best part! You guys both get eaten to death! :D}

"DokuHimeKami!"

{*sigh* fine}

With a snap and a ...okay you all know what happens with the poof, smoke, and etc. so I'm gonna stop typing it cause it's getting annoying.

"Hey guys! Like my dress?" I smiled and spun around.

"Oooh! It's cute," Konan clapped her hands.

"I know right? I'm not a dress or skirt type of girl but black looks great on me!"

"Now if only Tifa would dress up," Konan sighed.

"Love what you do to her," I smiled.

"At least someone appreciates my fashion tips," Konan smiled and sat down on the recliner next to Tifa. (Itachi's recliner)

"You're serious?" Itachi asked looking at Konan and me.

"What?" we chorused.

"You're just going along with this?" Itachi asked Konan.

"Why not? She seem cool," Konan shrugged.

"And you are bad ass. Living with all those guys and still feminine."

"Why thank you!"

"Okay people let's give it up for Itachi and Konan!"

*claps, whistles, shouts, screams, etc.*

"I thought you weren't going to appear anymore," Itachi dead panned.

"Well I didn't tell the reviewers much less myself Konan was going to be here," I shrugged. "Oh and the story tends to write itself people."

"So what is this place?" Konan asked looking around and eating cake. Today the room looked like a Alice inWonderland theme tea party room.

"DokuHimeKami does not own Alice in Wonderland." Itachi said taking a teacup.

"Thanks Ita-kun! And this is the 4WBSR so let's get the reviews rolling!" I smiled.

Konan nodded and Itachi took a sip of tea after dumping a lot of sugar cubes in it.

"Alright first up DVbR Miki-san: An awesome story DokuHimeKami! 16 chapters of pure awesomness! (Itachi, you should totally ask Tifa out). Kami, would you make Tobi high on sugar? Oh, and could you make Hidan suffer by watching 'Annoying Orange'! (Itachi, please, do it for your fangirls! DO IT FOR SHISUI! HE LOVES YOU!) Keep up the good work Kami-sama."

"So Itachi isn't crazy. You're the "god" of this world?" Konan asked me.

"Of course and thanks DVbR Miki-san! I am so happy you love my fanfic much less think it's awesome! And of course I would get Tobi high off of sugar! What type of story would it be if he wasn't?"

"Why are you asking me to ask out Tifa?" Itachi mumbled looking away from the readers and blushing.

"Annoying Orange? Well those guys need punishment for leaving me in that swamp," Konan smiled darkly.

"Okay coolnessfighter:your the best auther eva! cant believe you torture your characters like that!

by the way itachi i think you need a break ever heard of the hot springs i also think you should think about your relasonship with your brother(no **)do you hate him that would be real sad," I took a deep breath.

"I don't hate him. We are just like other siblings now. I find him extremely annoying and stupid and he hates me so much he wants to kill me," Itachi took a bite out of a cake.

"Um, that's not how normal sibling act. And I'm so happy you like the story!"

"It isn't?" Itachi set down his fork.

"No," Konan shook her head.

"Oh well," Itachi shrugged and resume eating.

"Moving on Guest: Im sorry Deidara-san. You are actually my second favorite Akatsuki -kun is

it necessary to use sarcasm? Also im glad sprinkels wont die."

"Sprinkles. That hell pony is going to live? And why apologize? The idiot isn't even here. And yes sarcasm is necessary."

"Shad up! And I'll forward the message to Deidara," I shot daggers at Itachi.

"Are you really going to start a glaring contest at me? With a Uchiha?"

"Dude you have got to teach me. You beated everyone and you were blind. BLIND!"

"Not on your life and naruto1305: Guest was me itachi mehahaha anyway are you sure you want me to tell the secret where EVERyONE can read it MWHAHAHA also your vey welcome and if you do a certain thing I might give you more to get away from the sessions so do you

agree? I would like you to do sexyback to kisame and you will win ... A ticket to get you out of one fourth wall session :3 DO IiIIIT :)"

"..."

"..."

"You knew," Itachi looked down at me with a calm and dark face.

"N-no! I didn't even tell you to!"

"You are typing this-"

"Hey! I copy and paste their reviews into the Notes on my iPod touch and type as I go! I can't read the whole review when the keyboard is in the way!"

"She has a point," Konan waved her fork around. "Also what secret?"

"Well you know if the readers ask..."

"No."

"Even for a ticket that will get you out of the 4WS?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Still not doing it."

"Fine not anytime soon but what do you mean do "sexyback" to Kisame?"

"You are an idiot."

"Hey!"

"Um, as much as I love all this," Konan waved at the room. "I kinda want to go back..."

"Alright last one guestisback:-reads script- keep it up DokuHimeKami. the story is great! but can you guys celebrate my birthday? I haven't even got a cake yet and it's been over a week!"

"Thanks! I swear without reviews this story could of died by now."

"You poor thing!" Konan gasped and her hand flew to her mouth.

"..."

"Itachi! A birthday is serious! How old are you Hime?" Konan said.

"18," I sniffed.

"Still immature, lazy, clumsy, and stupid as ever," Itachi sighed.

"Hey!"

"Really Itachi where is your present?"

"You don't even have-" Konan handed me a birthday cupcake.

"Wow! The birthday cupcake! It grants any wish or blow up like a bomb! Thank you!" I hugged her. Konan smirked at Itachi.

"You were saying?"

He glared at her.

"Well since you didn't bring a present how about a birthday kiss?" Konan suggested.

The glare intensified.

"Yeah not a good idea Konan."

"Well he should get you something," she shrugged.

"Yeah I get on it next time," I nodded then shouted. "Secret Technique: Memory Lose Jutsu!"

I coughed as the smoked cleared away and sat on the floor drinking tea.

"What are you people looking at? Start reading the story while I celebrate my belated birthday!" I smiled.

"Zetsu what happened where's Tobi?" Pein knelt on one knee and asked Zetsu.

"A mistake...shouldn't have...he went ahead...the intruders..." Zetsu laid face first on the ground.

"Thanks for rescuing me," Konan said coolly. Pein gulped.

"I can explain," he gulped as Konan pulled out rope and walked toward him.

{With Kakuzu}

Kakuzu was currently in the attic hugging his huge piles of money.

"My babies I'll never leave you again I swear," he rubbed his cheek against a tower.

{Okay that was even too weird for me. Deidara!}

Deidara was currently hanging upside down and being lowered down to a huge pool of acid.

"Brat quit messing around and help me make sure all my puppets are okay," Sasori scowled examining a puppet.

"Um danna I'm being lowered into an acid pool,un!" Deidara snapped.

"Yes that sounds like a you problem,"Sasori sighed.

{With Kisame}

"Why is there a life size boiling pot in this house?" Kisame shouted jumping out of the pot that was planning to cook him alive. A shadow loomed over him and he backed away wide eyed. "No..."

{How are things with Itachi}

{Itachi was in the library reading a book cause he was too cool to fall into a trap.}

Itachi continued to read the book.

{Hey dude are you ignoring me?}

"..."

{HEY! IM TALKING TO YOU!}

"..."

{Itachi is a weird looking weasel}

"..."

{I will force you to do something against your will}

"..."

{...}

"..."

{*glares intensely at Itachi*}

"Sadly the silencer doesn't not blocks glares," Itachi sighed setting down his book.

{Oh... So that what it was... Wait why did I even let him get it?}

"I suppose you are saying something stupid or telling me to go into the Hell hole of traps," Itachi sat up.

{Yup!}

"Seeing the weather I take that as a yes. Too bad for you I don't feel like going," he smirked and went back to reading.

{Grr. Itachi I'll get you later. Next Hidan}

Hidan was currently trapped in a sound proof box that looked very much like a TV. He was pounding on the glass and shouting.

{ Okay let's finally check up on Tifa!}

"Ugh," Tifa sat up and blinked.

"You're awake," a guy said with a smile in his voice.

"Wait. What are you doing here and where's-"

"Calm down Tifa. Why else would I be here? I didn't think you would actually booby trap this place," the guy smiled.

"Where are we?" Tifa asked looking around.

"One of the secret safe rooms," he smiled.

"Again why are you here?" Tifa sighed irritatedly. Thanks to the intruders her house was in shambles.

"They're bad people Tifa," the guy frowned. "I'm taking you to the leaf."

"I don't want to leave," Tifa narrowed her eyes.

"The Leaf told me. Why would you-"

"Because they make me happy. Annoyed yes but also happy."

"Still. S-ranked criminals..."

"I though you said you would always be on my side...Chess."

"Tifa..." Chess looked at Tifa with sad eyes.

"Checkers is here to give you to Oroachimaru and the Akatsuki are the bad guys," he said looking away.

"Are you really going to kidnap me?" Tifa asked.

"I don't want to do anything that makes you unhappy."

"Then let me stay."

" Checkers is following her head and that's dangerous."

"Yeah when she thinks with her emotions she's less dangerous," Tifa smiled.

"I think with my head," Chess brushed a lock of Tifa's hair behind her ear," But I'm thinking with my emotions right now and don't want to see you sad."

"You two way's of thinking is switched," Tifa smiled.

"Yeah. But I think we should go back to me thinking with my head and Checkers with her emotions because both of us are screwing up," Chess smiled sadly.

"You're letting me go?" Tifa asked hopefully.

"Sorry Tifa," Chess said and pushed a pressure point causing her to pass out. "But I'm only doing what's right."

{Back with the rest of the Akatsuki}

All of the Akatsuki members were currently tied up and forced to watch Annoying Orange by Konan.

"Why am I watching this?" Itachi asked.

"I dunno. I just felt like punishing everyone for some reason," Konan stopped her evil laugh.

"Aren't we suppose to be looking for Tifa?" Sasori asked standing up since he magically got himself untied.

"She's not in the house anymore," Zetsu growled. The remaining sea monkeys were jumping around and screeching like crazy. One had foam coming out of his mouth making him look like a rabbet animal. He had a twitchy thing going on too.

"Let me guess," Kisame sighed," you gave it a pink banana?"

Zetsu only nodded tiredly. He made a big mistake the monkeys go ape shit when they get a pink banana.

"Where's Tobi?" Pein asked looking around. Off in the distance trotting toward them was Sprinkles with Tobi sittin on top of him.

"Mommy has be taken by the evil people of Konoha and we must rescue her!" Tobi shouted.

"You look like a damn pansy sitting on a shitty unicorn," Hidan snorted. Sprinkles stomped his hoof and farted sparkles in Hidan's face.

"..."

{AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!}

"So the silencer has a time limit," Itachi mumbled.

{Did you see that?! Sprinkles you are awesome!}

'I know,' Sprinkles snorted and gave Hidan the evil eye.

"Not that all this isn't fun or anything but shouldn't we try to rescue Tifa,un?" Deidara asked.

"I guess," Konan sighed.

"Where's Kakuzu?" Everyone looked around.

Not far Checkers, Oroachimaru, Sasuke, Karin, Suigetsu, and Jugo watched the Akatsuki.

"Damn. They got her," Checkers scowled.

"Look what you did you slut," Karin rolled her eyes.

"Please whore I have a better chance with Sasuke then you," Checkers tsked.

"What you say?!" Karin grabbed Checkers's shirt collar.

"I didn't stutter four eyes," Checkers grabbed Karin's shirt collar.

"At least I'm not the one who is into incest!" Karin shouted back.

"Quiet you two!" Oroachimaru snapped.

"What are we going to do?" Sasuke asked.

"We wait," Oroachimaru smirked.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Who owns Naruto? Not me so let's get on with the ch!

Tifa woke up and looked around. She was in an empty room.

"Why am I always getting kidnap?" she mumbled.

The door to the room slowly opened.

"Oh Tifa you're awake," Chess smiled.

"Chess where am I?"

"In Konoha," he smiled. "Sorry but they don't really trust you yet."

"Chess what have you done?" Tifa looked shocked.

"I'm sorry Tifa but I will not let you get hurt," Chess growled.

Tifa was shocked. Chess never got angry.

"I told you I didn't want to leave," she snapped out of her shock and glared at him.

"I won't let them hurt you!" he shouted and punched the wall.

"Chess..."

"Don't bother trying to run the Hyuga blocked your chakra network," he walked toward the door.

Tifa opened her mouth to protest but her stomach grumbled.

"I'll get someone to bring you lunch," Chess smiled at her and closed the door.

"Great now what?" Tifa mumbled.

With Checker

"Ahhh! That little bitch! Why does she get all of Chess's attention?!" Checkers pulled her hair.

"Would you shut up?" Sasuke said boredly.

"Fuck you duckass," Checker whipped her head in Sasuke's direction.

"What did you just called him?!" Karin jumped to her feet.

"None of your business whore," Checker clicked her tongue.

"We shouldn't fight..." Jugo stated.

"Enough!" Kabuto shouted.

"Phew! I thought a war was about to break out," Suigetsu sighed.

"Checker. Be patient. Your time will come," Oroachimaru hissed.

"That slut won't know what hit her," Checker grinned evilly.

With the Akatsuki

"What are we going to do, un?!" Deidara demanded.

"Calm down Deidara we don't even know who took her," Pein sighed. He was extremely pissed someone dared laid a hand on his daughter but had to be a good example for the others.

'When I get my hands on them even Satan will shiver,' Pein planned their slow painful torture in his head.

"The chakra is foreign," Zetsu mumbled.

"Can't we follow her chakra?" Kisame pointe out.

"I can't the foreign one is cloaking her chakra," Zetsu snapped angrily.

'They better not bruise her. She won't taste good then,' he thought angrily.

"Tobi knows!" Tobi shouted and jumped to his feet. Everyone looked at him. " We can ask Voice Lady!"

Sprinkled nee and nodded.

"So any other bright ideas?" Konan turned to the other members.

"Voice Lady?" Tobi looked up at the ceiling.

{Aww. Tobi! You know I can't say no to you but alas if a god helped too much that would be bad}

" ...Is Mommy okay?" Tobi looked like a cute puppy.

{Of course. I'll make sure of it}

'Such kindness Kami,' Sprinkles nodded.

{Of course}

"Hn."

{Dude! How rude!}

"Hn."

{Fine you know what?* Turns to Sprinkles* Don't eat*snaps*}

Thunder rumble and a downpour appeared out of nowhere.

"Crazy ass weather here," Hidan mumbled

Lightening flash and thunder rumbled but it sounded almost like a roar.

The sky cleared and a huge rainbow streaked across the sky. All of a sudden the rainbow was becoming more solid and flying right at them.

"What the fuck..." Kakuzu said as they all watched as a white dragon landed on the ground. His scales shined like rainbows when the light him just right.

When it looked like the dragon was going to attack it spoke,"Master Sprinkles!"

'Ah it's you,' Sprinkles rolled his eyes.

{Note just in case you all forgot. Unicorns eat rainbow and dragons are rainbows in their weakest form}

"A dragon is calling a unicorn master?" Sasori deadpanned.

"It doesn't look right," Konan tapped her chin.

"Ah master Sprinkles is a kind soul..."

'I just didn't eat him when he was a rainbow.' Sprinkles said.

"How is this help?" Itachi raised an eyebrow.

The dragon stopped and looked at Itachi.

"You have been blessed with Doku-dono," he noted. "Kami sent me with a message. When the time is dire and all hope is lost we will descend from the sky."

"Okay so how the hell are we suppose to find Tifa?" Kisame growled annoyingly.

"DokuHime," Itachi said under his breath.

{4WBSR first! *snap*}

"Can we hurry it up?"

{Geez aren't we impatient? _naruto1305_: Itachi if you really want to know the secret or well two is that one YOu FuKING LOVE TIFA SAY IT and second Is ive seen you dance to old time rock and roll REALLY BADLY I think you was about 4 MWHAHAHA (got that of my sis) and kami will you force itachi to do the song sexyback to kisame and why do I feel like I'm the only weird one :( GREAT STORY :D OREO'S WaHOOO ( flys away on a unicorn)}

{Didn't know that was a hobby of yours Ita-kun *snickers*}

"Shut up. And what does _naruto1305_ mean I love Tifa?"

{O.o ...I'm sorry the person you were talking to is no longer available please leave a message after the beep. *beep*}

"..."

{..}

"You know I know that's you right?"

{TIME TO DANCE TO KISAME!}

Kisame was poofed into the room and looks around wildly.

"No." The music started playing.

{Do it}

"No."

{Fine don't blame me *sigh* *Snap*}

Itachi started to dance against his will.

Kisame was rocking back and forth in his corning having being scarred for life.

{Bye Kisme-kun!}

A poof and Kisame was gone.

"You are satan," Itachi 's eyes glowed.

{ Psh! Satan is afraid of me. Now let's bring Dei-kun and Tif-tif-chan here shall we? * smirks evilly*}

"What? Where are we?" they chorused looking around.

{Now _SukaiNoAkatsuki_:Hiya, this story is rlly gr8! I've enoyed readin' it a lot D

The 4WS' r evil... but funn-eh. -singing- Tifa and Dei-Dei kissin' in the tree

;) ITACHI! TURN AROUND, THERE IS A... er, erm, let me think of something

deadly... AN ANGRY UNICORN BEHIND U AND IT'S GOT UR MACHINE GUN (yer, that;s wat i said... this ** just got real) I'm hyper. 3}

Both Deidara and Tifa are blushing.

{Aw thanks! It's all thanks to you guys they turn out evil and funny ;D... And isn't that cute? Dei-kun and Tif-tif-chan are blushing ~•3•~}

"Shut up! I'm not!" Tifa stomped her feet blushing worse than Hinata ever could.

"I don't blush,un," deidara coughed into his fist and looked away from Tifa.

{I'm goona be nice and-}

"You can be nice?" Itachi scoffed and smiled.

{Yes now shut up so I can do my good deed. *Eh hem* Since i'm in a good mood both of you will go back with this memory! Minus remembering me and this 4WBSR}

"WHAT?!" they shouted.

{Chao!}

They both disappeared before they could say anything else.

"I should have known that's what you ment by a good deed," Itachi mumbled.

{ You know you love me. Oh and since unicorns are an endangered speicies putting them in this room is dangerous. Magic. Don't ask._ DVbR Miki-san_: Sweet! DokuHimeKami, your the meaning in AWESOMENESS! 17 chapters and funny 4WS with Itachi is so hilarious. **turns into a reporter** Oh, to Itachi, on what _DVbR Miki-san_ said, actually, did you ask out Tifa? Did Shisui really 'like' you in a way? Oh, and here, they are headphones that block out sounds, glares, and everything abnormal! Keep up the good work DokuHimeKami- senpai ( naw, better sama or hime)!}

"I don't know. Apparently I been in this room before and have no memory of it," Itachi glared at the sky. "No comment. Thank you for the headphones I ca't wait to use them," Itachi smirked.

{What eves I got someone acknowledging me as a sama or hime instead of Sempai! :P}

"Can we move on?"

{Of course my little weasel._ Mawlie-chan_: _Milo-kun_, stop using _DVbR Miki-san'_s account! Sorry, he doesn't have an account with Fanfiction... Any who, INCREDIBLE WORK WITH THE CHAPTERS

DokuHimeKami- sama! Itachi is so AWESOME! I can't wait for the next chapter!

4WBSR Is so hilarious and torturing( in a funny way). SPRINKLES THE UNICORN

RULEZ!}

{I'm glad everyone likes Sprinkles!}

"How? He's a Hell horse," Itachi deadpanned.

{Do you want to question with logic? I thought you learn by now Ita-kun...I'm sorry it took so long to update but I didn't have the minimum 5 reviews to feel motivated... And come on people it's ch18 now? Can I have more reviews? I feel like the story is failing to get more readers TT_TT}

"Quit crying," Itachi sighed. "You only have yourself to blame."

{Wait! I just got a rev! XD _Scorpio' .Opal:_ CHA! TOTALLY HILARIOUS! I LOVE U DOSU-KAMI-HIME!}

{Wah! You just made my day! Now I can update this ch!}

"...Can we move on now?"

{Yeah yeah yeah. Keep your pants on. Kay y'all Sasori will be out next guess so sent in reviews for him Kay?}

"Out help?" Itachi tapped the arm rester impatiently.

{The monkeys~ the monkeys~ Ask the monkeys~*Poof*}

"Ask the monkeys," Itachi said. Everyone gave him a crazy look.

"Wait that's a good idea,un," Deidara looked at the monkeys.

The monkeys shook their heads.

"Isn't she your master?" Sasori frowned.

They shook their heads and screeched.

'DokuHimeKami is their master fools,' Sprinkles snorted.

"Any bananas?" Pein looked at them.

"We're out," Zetsu said.

"Now what?" Hidan demanded.

"We'll convince them!" Konan snapped back.

"If the person who assigned the monkeys here to help Tifa shouldn't they try to find her?" Kakuzu stated.

The monkeys thought it over. Them they started to sniff the ground.

"Let's go!" Kisame shouted as they started to run after the monkey.

"Sprinkles?" Tobi looked back at the unicorn. "Okay," Tobi nodded when Sprinkles spoke.

"What was that about?" Pein asked.

"Sprinkles is getting recruits," Tobi said.

"..."

"Let's go!" Deidara shouted as they ran into the woods.

Dun dun dun dun! What will happen next! Will Tifa be saved or will she be held prisoner still? Wait till next chapter to see!

Review for Q &A for Sasori and if you have a request for either him or Itachi!

Really ppl if I don't get enough or more reviews I can't update.

This fanfic almost became hiatus. But was saved by the last reviewer: _Scorpio' .Opal! _Anyway I have another ACT next week so lets see if I update by then or not.

Tell more people about my fanfic! Plz!


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Have have no ownership except over Tifa, Tifa's relatives and plot.

Tifa ate the ramen that was placed in front of her.

"Tifa if you just agreed to help capturing the Akatsuki we can let you go," Chess sighed.

"No."

"Tifa you're being immature," Chess smiled slightly.

"No."

He raised his eyebrow.

"It's raining," Tifa said.

"It's been weird. Fruit been raining outside."

With the Akatsuki

Hidan was hit on the head by a Pineapple.

"OW! Why the fuck is it raining damn fruit?!" Hidan shouted nursing the bump.

"Yes why is it?" Itachi eyes the sky and dodged a kiwi.

"It's kind of hard to find her if the sky keeps raining fruit,un," Deidara mumbled.

"The monkeys get distracted," Sasori pointed out.

"No really captain obvious?" Konan said so sarcastically it was too OOC.

"What I'm wondering why it always rain bananas right in front of them," Kisame looked at the monkey who stopped for their 500th time.

"AHHHHH! We'll never find her at this rate!" Pein pulled his hair.

Everyone looked at him awkwardly.

"At least no one got hit with a coconut," Tobi smiled.

"NOOOO!" They ran around dodging bowling ball size coconuts.

"DokuHime!" Itachi shouted.

With Tifa

"Okay what if we give you this scroll?" Tsunade said.

"No."

"Three scrolls?"

"No."

"Um Lady Tsunade?"

"Not now Shizune!" Tsunade shouted."How about three scrolls and a free Konoha headband?"

"No," Tifa said again.

"I didn't want to do this but...three scrolls, a free headband and...," Tsunade looked around," This pig!"

"Oink?"

"Tsunade!" Shizune shouted lunging for Tonton.

"But...I want the pig," Tifa pouted.

"See what you done Shizune?! We almost had her! Why?" Tsunade sobbed.

"Um," Shikamaru sweat dropped.

"Is there anything else you want?" Kakashi sighed.

"Yes. I want to Fairy Tail."

"Fairy Tale?"

"No Fairy Tail."

"I said that."

"No you said Tale. T-a-l-e. I said Tail. T-a-i-l."

"Shikamaru! Go find and bring back a fairy's tail!" Tsunade pointed out the window.

"Huhhhhh."

"No! I don't want a Fairy's tail I want to see and/or join Fairy Tail!" Tifa said.

"What are you talking about?" Sakura shook her head. She thought the girl went crazy in confinement.

"Tifa," Chess walked in the room.

"What?"

"You aren't asking about Fairy Tail are you?"

"...Maybe..." She added," What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. It's just..."

"What? Tell me," she glared at him.

"Well they aren't real," he said quickly.

Lightening flashed and it was dead silent.

"That's not funny Chess."

"I'm serious," he gulped.

"..." (Tifa)

"..." (Chess)

"..." (Tsunade)

"..." (Shizune)

"..." (Sakura)

"..." (Kakashi)

"Oink."

"Noooooo! How could you!" A voice that wasn't Tifa and was Tifa's voice shouted.

Outside all the fruit meshed together and a fruit punch tornado roared across the sky.

"Fuck. You shouldn't have done that," a voice echoed in the room.

"Where are you?!" Shikamaru demanded.

"Don't bother I'm Akuma," the female voice rang out. "And I said enough. Good luck. You'll need it."

"What do you mean?!" Kakashi shouted.

It started to rain fish and one hit the window with a smack.

Outside the earth started to split and flames or all colors flared out and pure black demons crawler out of the cracks.

With the Akatsuki

"What the heck is going on?!" Kakuzu demanded smashing his suitcase full of money on a demon's head.

"I think I'm gonna puke,un," Deidara looked a bit green.

"Fruit punch, fish, fire, and demons do not smell good together," Kisame swung Samahada.

"This is annoying," Zetsu growled as he finished eating another demon.

"What the fuck?! I just got slapped with by a fish!" Hidan hollered.

"Fish can slap?" Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"Flew right at his face!" Konan laughed. "Hey watch it! Don't you dare touch me there!" Konan snapped at a demon.

He mumbled something and looked down.

"Yeah you better apologize," Konan lifted her chin and glared him in the eye.

"DokuHime."

{...}

"Why aren't you talking? I didn't use anything to block you out."

{WHAT?!}

"Hn?" Itachi sliced a demon in half and looked up at the sky.

{NO I'M PISSED!}

"Hn."

{NO I DON'T WANT O TALK ABOUT IT!}

"Hn."

{Fine *snap!*}

"Calm down or the readers think you really are angry."

{Can you believe it? Chess my more favorable OC just told me Fairy Tail doesn't exist!}

"Hn?" Translation: I'm sorry?

{Well anyway now to bring Sasori! *snap*}

"Where am I?" Sasori looked around.

{Let's hear it for Sasori folks! My two favorite Akatsuki are in the same room! AH! Fangirl attack!}

"Who was that?" Sasori asked Itachi.

"So now you believe me," Itachi mumbled.

"I never said that," Sasori dead panned.

*POOF*

"Sasori!" I glomped him.

"Oof! Get her off of me," Sasori choked out.

"Oh no I think I like this," Itachi smiled a little. Sasori glared at him.

"Anyway Reviews!" I sat down on my recliner. "Itachi?"

"Hn. Unicorns:wat the crap i was sure i wrote a review... oh well lol but anyways yay u updated XD

i have a question for Sasori :]

Do u like Deidara? X333333333."

"Oops sorry! I ment I didn't get the minimum 5 reviews. Sorry again," I bowed my head.

"Be more specific in you're A/N," Itachi rolled his eyes. "Honestly I would think you would know."

"What do you mean by that?" Sasori furrowed his eyebrows together and frowned.

"It means do you llllove Deidara," I cooed then giggled.

"No."

"Psh! You're boring. Sorry yaoi fans that a no go...unlessss you review for it *winky face*.

"Next question," Itachi coughed,"naruto1305: Reading my last comment I sound crazy and itachi I only did that well becuz...One I'm in auger high :D and second why u just murder calan and leave ! Hope kisame had a good time XD I know u loved it itachi..."

"..."

"..."

"Don't say-"

"Bwhahahahahaha!"

"That was funny," Sasori cracked a smile.

"I murder my clan because I could," Itachi said.

"Dude that was creepy."

"With a straight face too."

"You read the next one?"

" Sure," he shrugged,"Naruto1305:Forget my last comment anyway I knew itachi loved it *sniggers* any who sasori why the hell did you get beaten by your grandma and a freaking pink haired girl (especially her) anyway again you say u hate waiting but you use a posin that takes 3 days?"

"..."

"We team up and kill her," Sasori loomed over me and Itachi did the same.

"Agree."

"Um... You guys can't kill me..." I said feeling very small.

"Sadly that's true," Itachi sighed.

"To answer your question I let them kill me. I use poison that will kill them slowly because the art is everlasting and my poison comes close to that," Sasori sat back down.

"I knew that."

"Good. They should feel honored, they die by my art."

"Careful Sasori you are starting to sound like Deidara," I teased.

"Shut it brat," he scowled.

I pursed my lips.

"No smart comebacks?" Itachi raised his eyebrow.

"He is older than me but, I am not a brat," I said. "So next!"

"No one else:Hey Puppet Man Whats up! I have a question and a REquest. The question is that Have any of then other members have ever tried to make you into fire wood? The Request is to rock out to I have no you will please."

"No...well Hidan attempted it as a joke but failed miserably and let's say he will never do it again," Sasori smirked.

I looked at Sasori. He looked back at me.

"Please?"

"Fine," he sighed and got up. "But don't think I'm doing this for you."

"Music!" I shouted and snapped.

He starts to dance and by the en of the song he was panting heavily and sat down.

"Thanks Sa-kun!" I clasped my hands together.

"Don't call me that," he mumbled.

"Luv ya too Sa-kun!" I hugged him.

"Get off me...brat," he looked at Itachi for help.

"Oh no you got this...and why are you blushing Sasori?" Itachi smirked.

"Your sarcasm was not needed. And I do not blush. It's embarrassing to be seen being hugged," he rolled his eyes.

"Anyway last review and on with the show! crazymofo:nice work :D"

"Aw thanks I tried my best! I love you all my reviewers!"

"Please continue showing your support by reviewing, telling your friends to read this, and making them review," Itachi nodded.

"Yup! So sorry guys. Meant to update last week but got grounded," I sighed.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Itachi asked.

"Oh right...," I kissed Sasori on the cheek," I love you Sasori and Secret Technique: Memory Loss Jutsu!"

Back in the fight

"Hey guys hurry up we don't got all day!" Konan called from a throne and drinking from a coconut while the demon help an umbrella over her head.

"It would go by faster if you helped!" Hidan snapped.

"How is it that demon is doing your bidding?" Pein asked.

"I'm gone for a few seconds and Konan gains a demon army," Itachi mumbled.

"I'm can't you control them and tell them to stop?" Kisame asked.

"Can't," Konan shook her head," They follow this "Kami" named DokuHime or something."

"Hn," Itachi glared at the sky.

{*sigh* fine. I'm not angry anymore*snap*}

The demons froze then walked back into the split of the earth and the cracked closed up leaving no trace of anything that happened a few minutes ago.

"Wow," Deidara said.

"Let's go," Sasori tapped his door impatiently," I hate to keep people waiting."

"I agree," Zetsu nodded.

"Agree," Kakuzu said.

"Sasori-San!" Tobi shouted.

"What?" Sasori snapped.

"Did you meet voice lady?"

Sasori frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. He thought Tobi was being stupid as usual but Sasori's fingers kept going to Sasori's cheek.

"No stupid brat. Now leave me alone," Sasori shoved Tobi away.


	20. Chapter 20

{GOMEN! I'm soooo sorry I haven't update. My mom drowned my iPod (the one I use to update and write my fanfic). I couldn't get anyway to update because i can't seem to concentrate without typing on my ipod. *bows*}

Itachi: " Shut up. You're constant complaining is annoying."

{Uh I'm not complaining. *sweat drop*}

"Tsh! Get on with the ch they don't want your lame excuses."

{Meanie! TT^TT}

Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto if I did Itachi would kill me by now.

"Okay. Now we go to rescue Tifa," Pein said.

"If there isn't anymore problems," Itachi glared at the sky.

{Hey don't hate the player hate the game}

"That makes no sense."

{...On with the show my good lads!}

"You're British now?"

"Itachi. Stop talking to yourself," Pein said and everyone looked at him like he was crazy.

"I hate you," Itachi said to the sky.

{Love you too! ;3}

"Okay so we go to the damn leaf village, get Tifa, and get the fuck out of there," Hidan said.

"Right," they all said.

"Has anyone seen the monkeys?" Kisame asked.

"Didn't the demons take them with them?" Konan asked.

"..."

"Nooooo!"

"How are we suppose to find her?!" Deidara demanded.

"DokuHime," Itachi said through gritting teeth.

{I can "poof" you guys there but it will cost you...*snap*}

"Helloooooo everyone DokuHime here and it's time for the very much loved FWBS! Our Guest: Itachi!"

"This isn't a talk show," he deadpanned.

"And I don't have to help you get to Tifa," I said with a smile.

"You let your own character die?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Wouldn't be the first time," I shrugged, "But Tifa won't die folks! Now to our first review!"

naruto1305: *facepalm* sure sasori sure you let them beat you anyway good work kami you crazy mofo:D itachi... My sis she loves you she even has a plushie of you any  
who since I'm felling less hyper :( go itachi and have some green tea along  
with some boring random book Charles dickens Oliver Twist I think you'll like  
Cheerio fellow and god oh this time kami make sure dei and sasori get a kiss  
Pweety plz ? See ya

Itachi looked over at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Fine I guess this setting could turn into a traditional Japanese house for tea," I snapped my fingers.

"Thank you," he sipped his tea.

"E gasp! You became nice!"

"Don't you have a show to get back to? Also there's a second part to the review," he said casually.

"And it dies. It was nice while it 't worry folks I'm going to do a little fan-service so wait for it," I winked.

Akatsuki fan:This story is really cool. I feel so bad for Itachi. Poor him. Oh  
well. You should torture Hidan. Now that would be funny.

"You enjoy this don't you?" he looked at my sadistic smile.

"What? Me? Noooo. Never...Well maybe a little. I would never hurt my babies in real life though."

"I would tell you that most of us are older then you but I don't feel like listening to your simple and limited logic," he continued to sip his tea.

"You are still an ass even when you try to be nice," I mumbled.

I wuv Naruto:Poor Itachi. . . Sucks for you doesn't it. You should have him  
see yaoi. One of my friends is obsess with it (especially ones with Itachi)  
and we're all creeped out by it. But we're also cool with it. This is like one  
of the best stories in the whole wide world. It's funny when you break the  
fourth wall. You should start creeping on the other characters.

"What?" Itachi wiped the tea off his mouth after his spit take. "You feel sorry for me then suggest I see yaoi?"

"Oh I have yet to tell you about the wonderous and amazing world of yaoi," I smirked evilly.

"You're sick," he glared," And why am I in yaoi ?"

"Oh you just happen to be perfect for them. Heck the whole Akatsuki are. You all are usually paired up with your partners. It's amazing," I giggled.

"Shut up," he glared at me.

"I'm serious."

"You like it even if you like one of us?"

"Who said I like one of you?!"

"You're like an open book,"he smirked.

"Che. Shut up. You're getting meaner every ch *pout* But yaoi pairing is okay as long as no one else has him."

"You said him," Itachi smirked.

"Do you want me to help or not?"I glared.

"Oh no please do. Of course we ran out of reviews so I don't know why we're still here."

"Jokes on you! You didn't tell them yet!" I laughed demonically.

"It's not that funny," he sweat dropped."Please like,follow, and review this fanfiction. It would be greatly appreciated. She needs at least 5 reviews or no new chapter."

"Love y'all! Who do you want next in this room? Review it!" *snap*

"Where'd you go Itachi?" Kisame and Deidara chorused.

"While you were picking fucking flowers we were trying to come up with a damn way to find her," Hidan snapped.

"Wait for it," Itachi rubbed his temples.

*Poof*

Tsunade, Shizune, Tonton,Shikamaru, Kakashi, and Chess all looked at the Akatsuki members that just poofed into the Hokage's office. The Akatsuki stared at the Konoha ninjas. The staring lasted for 5 whole minutes.

{How the heck can you guys stand still that long without blinking?}

Everyone slowly blinked as there realized who was in the room.

"GET THEM!" Tsunade shouted and all the Konoha ninjas leaped toward the Akatsuki members.

"ATTACK!" Pein shouted and all the Akatsuki members jumped the Konoha ninjas.

{THIS IS SPARTA!}

"Really?" Itachi grunted as he dodged a kunai.

An invisible force pushed Deidara and he fell into Sasori with their lips making contact. Both S-ranked ninjas eyes widen as the fell the the ground in slow motion.

"D-Danna,un," Deidara blushed as he got off of Sasori.

"Damn cheeky brat," Sasori mumbled and blushing as badly as Deidara.

{That's for you naruto1305!}

"You couldn't have poof us into I dunno...the place where they're holding Tifa?!" Itachi growled ask he stabbed Chess in the leg with a kunai.

"Now is not a good time for you to be crazy Itachi," Kisame scowled as Samehada got stuck in the ceiling since there wasn't a lot of room.

{Sorry I can't play favorites. Author's Law}

"What law?!" Itachi demanded.

"Tobi know!" Tobi waved his arm frantically knocking Tonton out of Shizune's arm and out the window.

"Oooooooooiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkk...," Tonton squealed as she sailed toward the ground outside.

"TONTON!" Shizune shouted and leaned halfway out the window.

"Save Her!" "Get her if you want her so much!" Tsunade and Konan kicked Shizune out the window.

"Waaaaaaahhhhhh. Whhhhyyyyy TSUNADE?"Shizune wailed.

Everyone creased attack and stared at the two women.

"What?" they chorused nonchalantly, "There isn't enough room in here so if she wasn't going to fight why not?"

"Your only female member is scary," Kakashi gulped.

"Same for your Hokage," Kakuzu nodded.

"Women in general are scary," Shikamaru mumbled.

"Agreed," all the men nodded.

"Oh is that sake?" Hidan gulped down the last bit. "THe fuck?! There wasn't even enough for a cup!" he drew the bottle to the ground.

"MY SAKE!" Tsunade punched Hidan through the wall. All attack resumed.

With Tifa

"Why are you guarding me?" Tifa sighed in annoyance.

"Be quiet traitor," Sakura scoffed.

"Shut up pinkie. Just cause I'm in a cell doesn't mean you have any power over me,"Tifa snorted. "Hey did you hear that explosion?"

"What explosion?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.

So so so so so so sorry! I had the most horrible writer's block and couldn't update till now. I even tried to make this ch longer but failed. I hope you guys can forgive me and still review.


	21. Chapter 21

{Ah. It's been awhile my lovely fans ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ} Itachi: lovely? You only got two reviews *snort* {watch it Uchiha I control your entire existence I'm this fanfic >.>} Itachi: oh no I'm just stating facts {Do the disclaimer} *sigh* DokuHimeKami does not own Naruto and for that I am very grateful "There was an explosion. Shouldn't you be a part of that?"Tifa rolled her eyes. "Why?" Sakura frowned. "Damsel in distress? Always needing to be saved?" she rolled her eyes. "You have a horrible personality compared to Chess," she glared at Tifa. "Oh God are you in love with Chess now?" Tifa made a gagging noise. 'I kill myself if she married into my family.' "I'm loyal to Sasuke-kun!" Tifa rolled her eyes,"A guy trying to kill you doesn't really scream 'love'." "You wouldn't know since you aren't in love," she smirked. 'Really? How stupid could you get? Naruto I pray you realize your love for Hinata soon.' All of a sudden the Akatsuki were being led into a jail cell. "How the fuck did we lose?!" Hidan hollered. "How are we getting caught so easily?" Pein fumed. "I would like to know that as well," Sasori mumbled. "The second time," Kisame sighed. "Mommy! Are you okay?!" Tobi pouted at me. "I'm fine Tobi," Tifa smiled. "We will interrogate you and I will personally execute you," Chess said darkly then left. "Itachi is there anyway your crazy can help us out,un?" Deidara groaned. "I'm. Not. Crazy," Itachi said simply," She is a crazy otaku who is writing everything we do and say." "Where's Zetsu?" Konan looked around and everyone ignored Itachi's remark. "He probably escaped," Kakuzu crossed his arms," They better not be touching my money." "Hn." {Okay! *poof*} "Hey all it's the FWBS! And today's guest...Itachi and Zetsu!" I sat on the recliner. "Itachi what the Hell is going on?" Zetsu looked at Itachi. "Hn," he sat in his recliner. "I've been looking forward to this! First reviews then a little insight!" I squealed. "Wooimmafox1305:Heh changed my name from naruto1305 and AWWWWW YEAAAAAH DEISASO :P anyway itachi whats your worse habit?" Itachi said. "Must I be a part of this?" Zetsu glared at me. "Yes. Anyway yes I do request for my dear readers so review more please!...I'm not feeling this." *snap* *poof* {Much better} "I have no bad habits. I'm perfect," Itachi scoffed. {*cough* brother complex*cough*. Man that's a bad cough} "I do not have a brother complex," he glared. {Surrrre you don't. Zetsu can you do the next one? Plllllllease?} "Fine. DVbR Miki-san: Gotta Love the writer's block XD Keep up the amazing work!," he frowned. {Aw thanks! But again review motivate me so send them in!} "So you weren't crazy and made up the crazy girl," Zetsu said to Itachi. He nodded," Of course. I'm an Uchiha. I can't be crazy." {Have you seen your family tree?} "Don't you have a session you have to return too?" {Well that's all the reviews we got! ..>.<..} "Kami you're a crybaby," he rolled his eyes. {Hey you called me Kami!} "Are you going to help us escape or not?" Itachi glared. {Not yet. Zetsu would you like to tell our lovely readers where you are?} "I'm looking around and eating a few people," he smirked and twirled a keychain around his finger. {See? You are in good hands...these lack of reviews aren't motivating me to write} Itachi sighed and turned to the readers," Please review, favorite, follow, and review. She's trying her hardest not to make this go on hiatus." {I love you Ita-kun! <3} "Don't thank me just end this story quickly," he dead panned. {Aye Sir!} "DokuHimeKami does not own Happy's quote or Fairy Tail," Zetsu started eating an arm. "..." {...} "What?" {I'm gonna have to clean that up*pout*} "That's what you're worried about?" Itachi snorted. {Blood's a bitch to get out!...Secret Technique: Memory Lose Jutsu! *poof*} "Where did you go Itachi?!" Sakura demanded. Everyone stared at the Uchiha. "Geez you decided to come back instead of getting us out?" Konan glared. "What the shit is with all the smoke?!" Hidan demanded. "Hn," Itachi said boredly. "I was in a FWBS," Tifa translated. "What the heck is a FWBS,un? Deidara frowned. "Tobi knows!" "Who cares?! Does anyone have a plan to get out?" Pein snapped. "Not really," Sasoru yawned. "My babies are calling me...I can hear them," Kakuzu pressed his head against the wall. "Kakuzu you're acting crazy AF," Kisame looked at him weirdly. Zetsu appeared out of the ground behind Sakura looking like a devil. He opened his mouth- [Kami-sama. No.] {Whyyyyyy?} [You can't just kill of a character because she played a role in killing the anime guy you like] {The readers don't need to know that Akuma! Besides I made it so she could see?} [Kami] {Fine*pouts*} He knocked her out with a frying pan. He used the key and let them out. "Why is the key covered in blood?" Tobi asked and tilt his head to the side. "It was like this when I found it Tobi," Zetsu grinned. "Oooooh," Tobi nodded. "You found it like that," Tifa gave him a dead panned look. "Right," he smiled. "Let's get out of here before they find out," Pein went towards the stairs. "Before who finds out?" a person smirked from the top of the staircase. "Oh come on!" Konan fumed. "You're-" Tifa gasped. CLIFFY! Who do you think it is? Will the Akatsuki ever be able to escape? A few reviews means a short ch. If you want a longer ch I need more reviews! 


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